Page 169 of Let You Love Me

I nod. I know how much Mrs. Miller misses Sophie since putting her in daycare. I’ve been promising I’d drop by for days but haven’t had the chance. I guess this time, it worked out.

Lucky me.

“Have a seat.” My mother motions to the chair beside her, her smile forced.

Beside her, Dad won’t even look at me.

I slide into the seat next to Mom and risk another glance at my father, noting the pinched forehead and angry slash of his mouth, and I wonder if he plans on ignoring me forever. Maybe he’s going to let Mom do all the talking and sit there like a mute. Or maybe he’s simply biding his time to tell me how much I’ve disappointed him. I’m not sure which is worse.

I reach out, ignoring the nerves tangling in my chest like a thicket of brambles, and grab the coffee carafe, along with the empty mug sitting beside it, and pour myself a cup. Steam curls from the lip, and the nutty aroma instantly soothes the tiniest of nerves.

I doctor it with cream while my mother rises from her chair, piling an empty plate with fresh fruit and a muffin, which she then slides toward me as she reclaims her spot.

My stomach churns. I might have been starving a moment ago, but I’m not so sure I can choke anything down now. Not with the air of disapproval hovering over me.

Still, anything is better than meeting their eyes or starting a conversation I don’t know how to have, so I force myself to take a bite of fruit while I wonder what advice I’d give Sophie in this situation.

I suppose I’d tell her not to lie to the ones she loves, but it’s too late for that. Been there, done that, and now it’s ruined several lives. Not just mine but also the lives of my loved ones.

Maybe it’s time I start following my own parental advice.

Silence surrounds us. I can only guess what they’re thinking, how shocked and crestfallen they must be to discover I’ve hidden the truth right under their noses.

I can feel Mom’s probing gaze on the side of my face, sense Dad’s pain and anger radiating from him like the steam rising from my cup, and I decide all at once that the silence is so much worse than whatever they could possibly say.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt after a moment, unable to take it anymore. “I’m so sorry I lied, that I didn’t tell you the truth. I never meant to hurt anybody. I was just doing what I thought was best for everyone involved.”

Mom inhales sharply. “So, it’s true? ChanceisSophie’s father?”

I find the courage to tear my gaze from my plate and glance over at her and nod. “Yes.”

Emotion flickers through her eyes and it’s a moment before she speaks again. “How did it happen . . .?” She grunts and waves her hands out in front of herself. “I mean, I knowhow.” Dad winces. “But what I mean is, when did you two start seeing each other? How long were you involved, and how did we not know about it?”

I swallow, wondering where to start. I’ve held this secret for so long, it’s like I don’t know where it begins and where it ends.

“It was toward the end of junior year that it started to feel like maybe there was something there. Then early that summer, I felt a spark, but I never thought he’d be interested in me. He was so popular and at the top of his game. A million girls wanted him. And maybe that was part of the appeal. Feeling wanted by someone everyone else wished they could have puts kind of a spell on you. I don’t know.”

I shake my head and breathe before continuing, trying not to think about it too hard. “But we’d known each other for years, so we were already comfortable with each other. That summer, at football camp, I went to help Dad and we saw each other almost every day. Conversations deepened. Feelings grew. He said he loved me.” My throat catches on the words. “And I believed him. I thought maybe I loved him, too.”

Of course, now I know better. What Chance and I shared was never love. Infatuation, maybe. Lust, certainly. But not love. Not like with Teagan. Not the kind of all-consuming, soul-crushing,tear-your-heart-out, can’t-imagine-my-life-without-you kind of love.

Pushing the thought of Teagan away, I lift my chin and wait for my parents to say something because I’ll never get through this if I dwell on him.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Mom asks after a moment.

For the first time since I sat down, l feel my father’s eyes on me, but I don’t dare to look. If anyone has the power to draw my tears, it’s him, and I’ve shed enough of those for one night.

I exhale slowly, trying to find a way to tell them in which they might understand, but all I have now is the truth. I won’t make the same mistake twice; I won’t lie to them again.

“When I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared to tell you. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint either of you, but I thought maybe with Chance by my side, it would be easier. We’d do this together. But when I told him, it didn’t go over well and certainly not how I’d expected. He told me we were too young. That he wasn’t ready to be a father. To his credit, both of those were true. But he also told me that if I chose to keep the baby, it was on me. She was mine to raise because he wanted nothing to do with her.”

I shrug, noting for the first time the shadows beneath my father’s eyes.

“So that’s what I did,” I continue. “After I processed everything he said, I accepted full responsibility for Sophie from that day forward. I chose to have her, to keep her, and raise her. He made his choice very clear, and I know how close you are to Chance, especially Dad, so I knew he wouldn’t accept Chance walking away scot-free.” I glance at him and quickly glance away again, the turmoil flickering in his gaze more than I can handle. “Then, a day later, I overheard a conversation between Dad and Kyle Bradley, the director at CU. I heard him promise Dad that if he brought Chance with him, he’d hire him as head coach.”

Dad curses under his breath and places his head in his hands, but I can’t stop, no matter how much the truth hurts.

Telling them is like popping the cork on a bottle of champagne. With each word, the pressure in my chest eases a little more.