Page 46

I’m not a child.

How could I make him see that I didn’t want to shield him because I thought him weak?

If anyone took him from me my world would end. I wouldn’t rest until I had taken my revenge. Then I would follow him wherever he’d gone. For a moment the peaceful forest before my eyes flashed and was replaced with a scene of destruction, red skies, and broken trees. The urge to take him and forge the mate bond, to give him some of my magic and tether him to my life force, threatened to overpower me.

“Jules?” His soothing voice made some of my fear disappear.

I’m scared to lose him.

“I cannot lose you, Nikolai,” I blurted out. “I can’t, I—” A warm hand snatched my fingers out of the air.

“You won’t lose me. I’m here, okay?” He brought my hand up to his mouth and brushed a featherlight kiss on my knuckles. “It’s nothing bad, just a bruise. It’s happened before, and it will happen again.” Nikolai nuzzled his cheek into my palm. “Come on, we can check on the plants later. Let’s sit down.”

He led me to the couch and took a seat next to me that was so close our legs almost touched. He rested back against the cushions.

My heart skipped a beat when his broad fingers laced through mine.

“I like holding your hand.”

“So do I,” I whispered.

Bunny rolled his head around, lips pursed.

Words failed me as I sank into his eyes. Everything about him felt so warm and precious.

“Jules? I want to kiss you again. May I?” he rasped, licking his lips and gently rubbing his thumb across my knuckles.

“I don’t know,” I told him truthfully.

Yes, I had kissed him but was still shaken to my core. Had I been kissed by anyone since Friedrich left? I doubted it because I had no memories of it. All memories of my time at court had been erased from my mind by the years that had passed. Like the wind smoothed over a rock, time had eroded them.

“You don’t know if I can kiss you again? You just did.”

My face heated. “I know you are physically able to kiss me, but I don’t know if it will make me feel strange. Well, even more strange than I already do.”

“Okay.” Nikolai pressed his lips together. If I had to guess I hadn’t hurt him with my words. He seemed amused.

“Would you like to try it, or should we go back to chilling and talking? We don’t even have to talk. We can just sit here.”

His smile was genuine and understanding. My eyes hung on his lips. I couldn’t deny that I wanted it.

“What do I do if it’s strange?”

He’s not a child, but you sound like one, Jules.

“You will pull out of the kiss and use your safe word.”

“What is that?”

“A safe word? A word that will tell me to stop doing what I’m doing because it doesn’t feel right for you.”

“Okay. And what would that be?” I asked.

“You can use ‘red’ and ‘green’, to signal stop and go. You can also use something like ‘cerberus’ or ‘pomegranate’ or whatever you want.”

Thirty

Nikolai