Page 22
Story: It's A Little Bit Bunny
“You play professional hockey, right?” The therapist asked me, checking a note she had made on my file. “Yes, I play for the Pumas.”
“My professional suggestion, although I am not your coach of course, would be to go back to your routine as soon as possible. It can be helpful to have a break, especially when you are dealing with what you’ve been going through. But we recommend structure. And from what I can guess there are very few jobs that provide a stable schedule the way professional sports do.”
“So you think I’m cleared to play again?”
“As I said, I am not your coach. I can only draw from my experience in working with neurodivergent patients for the past fifteen years.”
“Yes, then give me that, please,” I asked her impatiently. At first, yes, it had been a relief not having to do anything, not having to perform. But fuck, I needed to play again so badly.
“From experience and my personal opinion as a therapist, I would say yes. I think it would do you good to have that rhythm in your life again. If you feel ready, that is.” Her kind smile reminded me of my mum, even though we weren’t that far apart in age.
“Thank you.”
She nodded.
“All the best to you, Mr Lorenz. Perhaps I’ll come and watch one of your games.”
I grabbed my bag and got to my feet. “If you ever need tickets, let me know. If you’re allowed to accept that.”
“Oh, no. It’s fine.” She chuckled as she put all the papers into one neat pile. “Perhaps I’ll bring Dr Schmidt along. I bet he’s never been to a game either.”
“Enjoy your first hockey experience, then.” I grinned at her “I hope we win when you come to watch us play.”
“With you back on the team, I’m sure you will.”
I didn’t go back home after the appointment but went to a fast food place around the corner from the hospital. I ordered myself the largest coffee they had on their menu and hid in one of the booths. The tests and that appointment had robbed me of all my feelings.
For the better part of half an hour, I wondered if I should get in my car and drive out to the labyrinth. Perhaps being with Jules would help me fill the emptiness inside me.You’re fucking selfish!
If I couldn’t understand my feelings, how could I expect Jules to handle them with me? It wasn’t that I didn’t want to burden him with my problems. First I had to wrap my head around them, see a bit clearer.
I only wanted to go back once I wasn’t an emotional mess anymore.
I miss him but don’t want him to have to pick up my pieces.
Jerke wasn’t ready to have me back on the roster yet, but we agreed that I would train as if I was going to play the next game. And it helped, as it always had done. The exertion kept the intrusive thoughts at bay.
You’ll have to look at them eventually, Nik.
I went on daily walks and searched for pottery classes in Veitsreuth. And before I went to sleep at night I listened to the summer storm on my phone, pretending I was back in Jules’ house, safe and sound, while the world outside the windows ended and was reborn.
Seventeen
Jules
HowhadIbeenokay with living on my own for centuries but now pined for a human man I had met only twice?
A few times in the weeks Nikolai didn’t return to my forest I considered travelling to Veitsreuth to find him.
That is madness, Jules. How do you expect to find him in the middle of thousands of humans?
But he had told me about his job as a hockey player. I was sure people could direct me to where I would be able to find him. But I had Barnabas and the chickens to care for. I couldn’t abandon them.
I had to wait, stay put, and hope that he had meant it when he said he would come back.
I busied myself in the garden. I planted seeds and cleared out my root cellar for the new harvest. And in one week where the weather was kind to me, I visited every part of my forest. I talked to my trees. I reinforced the magic boundary that protected us from the outside world.
The boundary that made people—what had Nikolai called it?—space out. Only I had designed it to turn them away from my land, not to keep walking. For the umpteenth time I wondered what made Nikolai so different from all the others before him. Was he meant to find me? No. I had found him, hadn’t I?
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93