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“I will get us towels from my bathroom. Maybe you would like to lie in the sun for a bit to warm up?”

“Excellent idea.” He beamed at me, looking prettier than ever before.

“Good. I’ll be back in a minute.”

I quickly changed into dry undergarments and a fresh pair of trousers and fetched a large towel and snack for him. When I returned, I found Nikolai sitting on the edge of the pond.

Barnabas had his little head on his thigh. Bunny stroked and talked to him under his breath.

“Oh, thanks, Jules.” He accepted the towel from me. “You got us a snack? Awesome, I’m starving. Gardening makes you hungry, doesn’t it?”

Gardening or you in those shorts, one of the two.

“It does. I thought you could do with some sustenance.”

“Sorry, Barney,” he apologised to my pet when he dislodged his little antlered head as he wrapped the towel around his shoulders.

I poured a glass of elderberry juice for him. I had diluted it with water from my spring, making it ice cold and refreshing. Nikolai popped a cherry tomato into his mouth. Some of its juice dribbled down his chin. He wiped it away with a chuckle.

“Thank you, Jules. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun.”

“Me either, Bunny.”

Twenty-six

Nikolai

WithSøren’shelp,I’dset up a new training regime and a meal plan that focused on all the foods that supposedly helped with ADHD. I’d found a book on nutrition for ADHD kids that I’d inhaled.

What worked for kids surely worked for my grumpy ass, too.

Maybe it was a placebo effect. But it felt like it helped. It certainly didn’t hurt to cut out even the last of the ultra processed food I occasionally ate out of my diet.

I had another appointment with Dr Schmidt who asked me to meet regularly. So he could keep an eye on me, I supposed.

I’d tried to tell him that my suicidal thoughts were a thing of the past but no idea if he believed me.

It was fine, though. My life felt pretty damn good. I knew that this on-top-of-the-world-feeling wouldn’t stick around forever but I was at a point where I took what I could get.

Gardening with Jules had been a huge win, too. I’d tried not to gape at him too much, but he was just so freaking hot. I thought back to when we sat in the sun by his pond, with Barney stretched out by my side, and we talked about random crap.

He probably wouldn’t believe me, but it had been one of the best days of my life.

“Hello, Mr Lorenz.” Schmidt admitted me into his office and pointed to the visitor’s chair. “How are you today?”

“Oh, I’m pretty good. I think I’m slowly coming to terms with my weird brain, and being back with the team is so fucking good. Sorry,” I added after I realised what word I had just used

“Nevermind.” Schmidt chuckled and took a few notes. “I’m glad to hear this.”

I told him about the book I’d read, and how Søren supported me as best as he could.

“He sounds like a good person.”

“He’s amazing. I wasn’t super excited for the whole yoga routine, but it’s been great for my flexibility and my brain, I guess.”

Schmidt beamed at me. “I’m so relieved to hear that you have such a strong support system. And you’ve been putting in so much work.”

“Well, I want to get out of this shit, and I want to learn what I can do to make it easier for myself. Work with my brain, you know? Not against it.”