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I wanted to take the words back as soon as they had slipped out of my mouth. Then I wouldn’t have had to see Nikolai’s expression drop.

Does he feel sorry for me?

“I can’t even imagine how lonely that must have been.“ He looked away and let his eyes sweep over my library again. “It sucks that nobody saw you for the amazing person you are. You didn’t deserve to be alone all those years.”

“They were scared of me, and I can’t blame them.“ I pushed my hands into my pockets and leaned back against the large desk by the window.

“Well, I fucking blame them.” Nikolai spun again, eyebrows drawn in and a fierce expression on his face. “They fucking vilified you, Jules. Just because they didn’t understand you, or because you looked different. You’re not a monster.”

I am not so sure of that, Bunny.

“People have come a long way, Nikolai. Maybe you are right. But I can’t go back in time and make them see. I was quite alright here in my forest. I shaped it, and it shaped me. It’s a beautiful synergy, and I am thankful for being part of it.”

The fight went out of him, and his shoulders dropped away from his ears.

“I appreciate your indignation on my behalf though. And your friendship. I must say it is wonderful to have someone in my life who listens, someone from the outside.“

“You know, Jules, for the past couple of weeks I wasn’t sure if I had made you up. A bit like an imaginary friend, you know? I’m glad you found me in the forest.”

I didn’t know how, but I was sure he wasn’t just talking about finding him on that path in the woods.

“So am I.”

He took a few more steps into the room, clearly interested in my books.

“Feel free to look around. If you see anything that interests you, you can borrow it.“

“I can’t remember the last time I read a physical book.” He gave me a reluctant grin. “I do better with e-readers.”

“What is that?” I perched on the tabletop, letting my feet dangle in the air.

“Electronic readers. You can put hundreds or thousands of books on one and read them. Saves space, you know?”

“Oh yes, I can see how that would be useful. I guess not every person has this much room at their disposal?”

“Nope.” He popped the ‘p’ and sauntered across the library to the shelf that held my local lore collection. “I love how you’ve catalogued them—and the ladders. So fancy.” The grin he threw me over his shoulder made my stomach drop as if I’d missed a step on the stairs.

You beautiful human.

“I live in a pretty tiny apartment. It’s one large room with a bathroom and a kitchen. I have a small bookshelf, but that’s all.”

He took one of the books from the shelf but kept his finger in the vacant space so he could find it again. I watched him turn the book around, read the cover, and replace it on the shelf.

“Those sound pretty cool. I used to love these stories, but it’s quite wild to see how the stories people made up differ from reality, isn’t it?“

“Yes, it is, especially in times when we relied on oral stories.”

Nikolai grinned but didn’t reply. He pulled out another book from one shelf higher up, inspected it, and then looked back up at me.

“Is this a book about you?”

He held up the book so I could see the cover. “Because that bloke on the cover, he looks exactly like you did when I first met you.”

“Yes, there are a few of these books.” My cheeks heated, and I wished I still wore the same grizzled beard as the Höimann on the book cover. It would have hidden my blush.

“Oh my God, Jules! You’re famous!” His grin turned cheeky. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had teased me good naturedly. Maybe nobody had ever done that? The last time I had been around other people had been at court. As the Elven Queen’s son, people had either been intimidated or fascinated by me. There had been no space for friendly teasing.

Can you miss something you never had?