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“Because I’m here to concentrate on you.” I tell her half-truths. She is my priority today, but I’m freaking out about what happened this morning.
My professor is Hudson’s former father-in-law. There is no way I can tell Hudson that it’s him. No way he can know that man is the same man who groomed me in college.How is that ever going to work? I don’t want to ever see him, but he is Harvey’s grandfather, so of course if my life is entwined with Hudson’s, then I will see him, hear him, hear of him. But I can’t. I can’t have that man in my life. He makes my skin crawl, makes me feel pitiful and useless and less than. And dirty. He makes me feel disgusting.
“You really need to stop worrying about me. Maybe Hudson should come and wait with you?” my mom says, worried I’m freaking out, thinking it’s all about her. And it should be. All my thoughts should be on her. Yet another thing that horrible man ruins for me.
“I’m okay. Just a little nervous for you,” I tell her, putting a fake smile on my face. I’m getting sick of having to fake it all the time.
“It’s cold. Are you cold?” I ask Mom as I grab a blanket, my own hands feeling like ice blocks.
“Stop fussing, Lacy,” she scolds me, frowning. “You’re looking pale. Sure you don’t need the doctor?”
I shake my head. I do feel woozy, my body exhausted, a little dizzy, but I’ll be okay.
“I’m fine. We’re here for you. Not me.” I give her a soft smile. We have been waiting in this cold hospital room for what feels like all day, but it’s probably only been less than an hour.
“Good morning. How is my patient doing?” Melody says, sweeping into the room, her blond locks tied back into a tight bun, her makeup flawless, even though she is about to operate.
“Feeling great. Ready to get this over with.” My mom smiles while I bite the inside of my cheek.
“Great. So just to go over today, we are going to wheel you down now into the theater. We will do a bit of a poke around, using keyhole surgery, inserting a camera into your abdomen and just making sure everything is as it should be. As I mentioned, your red blood count is still low and declining, which I don’t like, so if we find a bleed, we will fix it, and then do the transfusion if needed. At this stage, I think it is,” she says in a tone that relaxes my shoulders somewhat.
“How long do you expect it to take?” I ask, holding on tightly to my mom’s hand as I stand by her bedside.
“It should only be an hour to two, depending on what we find. We should have your mom wheeled back here in no time,” Melody says, giving me only a half smile. I don’t think she likes me much. Then she sighs and grabs her cell from her pocket.
“Sorry, this has been ringing off the hook all morning.” She acknowledges us both before she puts the cell to her ear and walks out of the room, but not before I hear her greeting.
“Hi, Mom,” she says, her voice fading as the door closes, and I swallow. Then it triggers in my mind that it’s Melody’s father. I wonder if she knows her dad is horrible and predatory. I shiver, not wanting to even think about it anymore.
Jolene walks in and gets Mom, ready without even a look in my direction, and I take another deep breath. It feels like the universe is throwing everything at me today, and I’m trying not to buckle, but I’m feeling sensitive to everything. I just want to sit in the corner and hide. Idon’t want to face the world anymore; it’s just too much. All of this is too much.
“We ready?” Jolene asks, and Mom gives her a warm smile while squeezing my hand.
“Good luck,” I say to Mom, putting on a brave face. “I have some work to do, so I will stay here and keep busy.” I won’t move from this room until my mom is back.
“Be back in a flash, sweetheart,” she says as some other nurses come in and crowd around her bed, getting it onto the wheels and moving. Then the bed is pushed out of the room, our hands breaking free, and I stand, alone, in the cold space, feeling anxious but positive that she will be back soon and with good news.
Taking a seat on the armchair, I grab my bag, about to pull out my laptop. Might as well try to get ahead with work so there isn’t as much to get back to. As I gather my things in my lap, the door to the room flies open.
“I don’t know what kind of games you are playing at, but you have some fucking nerve,” Melody seethes, and I jolt to my feet.
“What do you mean?” I ask, frowning.
“First, you take Hudson from Amanda, and now you are ruining my father? What kind of sick, twisted bitch are you?”
With my heart in my throat, my eyes are wide as she spits her words so violently, I actually feel her saliva hit my cheek.
“What?” I say on a shaky exhale. I think I’m in a state of shock.
She knows. Which means Hudson knows.
“If I knew that you were this kind of person, I wouldnever have agreed to see your mom. As it is, I need another donation from you.” She stalks to the small trolley that is off to the side, full of needles and other bits and pieces.
“More blood? Why? Is Mom okay?” I ask, starting to panic, even though she was only just wheeled out.
“Oh, your mom will be just fine.” I don’t like her tone. I remain still, trying to breathe as she pulls the trolley over to take more of my blood.
“Now shut up, sit down, and give me your fucking arm,” she demands, all niceties out the window. The last thing I want her doing right now, in her current state of mind, is sticking me with a needle, never mind laying a finger on my mother.