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“I feel selfish just thinking about it,” I tell her honestly, because it’s such a first-world problem.
“Not at all. Lacy, you have been through so much,” Victoria says, and I take a deep breath and nod, sipping the champagne and feeling the bubbles dance on my tongue, keeping my mouth closed. She doesn’t know about college. No one does.
“It wasn’t until I met Hudson that I felt like I was anyone’s first choice or first thought or first anything.”
“I can’t imagine what that feels like,” she says, sorrow in her eyes, and I give her a smile, not needing any more pity.
“It’s fine. I’m used to it.” I wave her off, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation, which got serious quickly.
“That’s why you have been doing everything yourself, isn’t it?” she asks, looking at me.
“What do you mean?” I take another sip, needing the liquid courage.
“Well, you felt like there was no one in your corner?No one you could rely on? No one there to catch anything or do anything or handle anything.”
I stay silent and give her a nod.
“Hmmm, and then sexy Hudson Hamilton came to town and swept you off your feet and is starting to make you feel like he could be the one who takes care of everything?” She says the same words Hudson has said to me a couple of times, and I swallow.
“I mean, I’m independent. I don’t need a man…” I start to say.
“Maybe not. But you are allowed to want one. You are allowed to enjoy Hudson, spend time with him, laugh with him, have hot, sweaty sex with him…” she says, hitching her eyebrow, and I can’t help the wide smile that spreads across my face at her words.
“I knew it! You’ve gotten down and dirty with the new doctor. Okay, I need details, and please do not skip anything, because this is normal, Lacy. Wanting a man, being giggly over a new romance, and you, my friend, deserve it more than anyone.”
The guilt of putting myself first still lingers, but I know she’s right. This is all normal and I deserve it just as much as anyone else.
So I tell her everything. I give her an update on my life, all the while holding the jar of cherries, not once thinking about the stress of leaving my mom, and my smile never leaves my face.
30
LACY
“Oh, we should totally get that,” Victoria says to me as I try on a new little black dress. We have shopped and eaten our way around the city this week, all the while partaking in one spa treatment per day and making notes for the development of our own Whiteman’s spa back at the distillery.
“Agree. It will match those hot black heels you got yesterday,” Victoria’s friend, Fiona, says from where she is sitting, bags at her feet from her own shopping today.
“It’s a bit out of my price range…”
All week us girls have had a blast, and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had. I’ve spoken to Mom every day and she’s thriving. Apparently, Jennifer joined her at the knitting club in town, and the two of them have not only been knitting a new blanket for next winter, but Mom is now even more embedded into the community, meeting new ladies and old ones, bringing her more support than she’s ever had.
“Not true. It’s on sale,” Victoria says, pulling at a signin the store that says thirty percent off everything. I smile. I’ve indulged more than I ordinarily would this week. On everything. I have a few new outfits, feel like I have put on ten pounds due to the restaurants we’ve been eating at thanks to the work expense account, and Fiona and Victoria took me to a moody cocktail bar last night. Fiona met some man here a while ago and was hopeful she might see him again. He didn’t turn up, but we did make our way through a pretty extensive cocktail list, the slight thump in my head a reminder of our time.
“Okay, done. This is the last thing I’m buying, though. I have officially gone over budget,” I tell them, my small savings taking a little hit, but nothing that I can’t make up for once I get back to work.
“I think your new doctor will like seeing you in this,” Fiona teases, and I smile as I look at my reflection. The dress fits like a glove, but that isn’t what catches my eye. It’s my face. The dark circles that were always around my eyes have lessened. My skin looks brighter, probably due to the facials and massages. My shoulders are lower and pushed back, posture tall, my body appearing more confident.
“From what I’ve heard, I think Hudson would prefer it off her body…” Victoria says under her breath, just loud enough for us to hear. I look at her quickly as Fiona giggles, and they seem like they have sort of private joke happening.
“Ahhh, anything you care to share?” I ask because, clearly, she knows something.
“Nope. Nothing. But we do need to get going. We have that other spa at three.”
“Oh my God,I love my job…” I murmur to Victoria as the elevator takes us up to Tanner's penthouse after an afternoon of total bliss. The massage today covered me in warm oil, and I’m so relaxed I can barely keep my eyes open.
“Me too,” she says as the elevator opens, and we walk inside.
“What’s going on?” I balk, seeing all our bags packed and waiting near the door.