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Chapter one

Danae

“This will be your room—what do you think?”

I study Jason’s body language, looking for clues as to what he’s feeling inside. His nine-year-old face teeters between pensive and awed. The conflict playing out in his expressions mirrors the emotions in my heart.

Excitement. Terror. Tenderness. Anxiety.

I suppose this is our new normal given the life we’re beginning today.

“You mean this whole room will be mine? I’ll have that whole big bed to myself?” Jason asks, gesturing to the twin bed in the corner.

“Big bed?” I question. “What do you mean?”

“At my dad’s place, I slept in the corner of his room. On a little bed.” He makes a motion with his hands, indicating the size of a toddler bed. Jason is small for his age but still well beyond the size of a toddler.

I blink back tears.

“Yes! This whole room will be just for you. There’s a quilt on the bed for now, but we’ll go shopping tomorrow so you can pick out exactly what style of comforter you want,” I say. My enthusiasm grows as the smile on his face expands.

“Danae? Could I talk with you in the kitchen for a moment?” Jason’s social worker asks. Sandra was waiting in the living room while I showed Jason his room, but I’m sure she has other places to be today.

“Sure. Jason, why don’t you unpack the clothes from your duffel bag into the dresser?” I suggest. Jason nods, and I ruffle his orange-red hair before following Sandra down the stairs to the main floor of my townhouse.

We speak in low voices once we reach the kitchen. “How are you feeling?” Sandra asks. It’s impossible to succinctly explain the jumble in my heart. I pick at the coat of clear nail polish on my thumb.

“Happy? Sad? Nervous? Like I have zero idea what I’m doing?” I answer honestly. She smiles.

“That’s normal,” she says. “Take things slowly and try to go at his pace as much as you can. We were able to rush your foster certification since you’re considered a kinship placement, but you’ll still have a trial period for about six months before the adoption is finalized. So if you ever start to have doubts or think you might change—”

“I won’t be changing my mind,” I state, cutting off her sentence.

Sandra smiles again. “I’m only saying—ifyou ever have doubts, please reach out and talk to me about it. Sooner rather than later. I’m here to support you in addition to being here for Jason.”

“I appreciate it,” I tell her. “I’m one hundred percent committed, but I’m grateful for your support. Just to clarify, his father’s rights have already been officially terminated, right? There won’t be any other legal issues on that front?”

“Correct,” Sandra replies. “He signed the papers before he was transferred to the prison. And considering Jason’s grandmother personally asked you to adopt him, I can’t imagine she would create any legal barriers. There are no other biological family members interested in adopting him. You simply need to get through the adjustment period, and then everything can be finalized next spring. Any other questions?”

I stare at Sandra, trying to steady my racing heart. There are far too many questions running through my mind to ask.

How do I do this? How do you instantly learn to be a mom?CanI do this? What if I totally mess this up?

Instead of speaking any of them aloud, I shake my head. “I’ll be in touch if I do.”

“I’ll be here in a week to check in with you,” Sandra says. “Oh, and I forgot to tell you one thing—Jason got accepted to go to a special three-day baseball camp put on for kids in foster care. He loves baseball, so I’d entered his name for it before all of this shook out. It’s not till after the holidays, though, so I’ll get more information to you soon.”

“Wait, what? A baseball camp?” I ask, brow furrowed. “Is it possible to cancel?”

Sandra gives me a confused look. “I mean, maybe? I already told him about it, and he was so excited. But I can try to withdraw him, if you want.”

I sigh. “No, it’s fine. I just hate baseball. But I don’t want to disappoint him. Send me the info when you can.”

Sandra nods then calls out to Jason. “I’m heading out now, Jason! You know you can call me any time you need anything.”

Jason hurries down the stairs to tell Sandra goodbye. “Thanks, Miss Sandra. See you soon.”

After I close and lock the door, I turn to Jason. “What do you think? Should we finish unpacking your stuff and then order pizza for dinner?”