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23
Nova
“I can’t believe I’m crying.”
Gigi hands me another tissue from the nightstand.
We sit on Riley’s bed where she found me, unwilling to leave his room. Of course, the kittens are here, but it’s more than that, and she knows it.
“This is insane.” I wave the tissue as I speak. “I’m insane for reacting this way. Riley and I are nothing.”
“Not nothing. You were developing a friendship again.”
“And that friendship developed straight into a romance.”
Gigi releases a sympathetic grin. “I knew you two would hit it off.”
“It doesn’t matter.” My eyes fill with fresh tears. I flip back onto the pillows. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
Gigi brushes my hair from my face. “You most certainly should have. I love having you here. And Riley was good for you.”
“Was. Was is past tense. He’s gone already. We didn’t have enough time. I wanted more. I still do.” I sit up. “And I know what you’re thinking. There’ll be someone else. This is proof I can get over Justice. But all I see is another failed attempt at a relationship.”
I slump. “Relationship might be too strong a word. Riley and I were friends. But even though we didn’t know each other for as long as I knew Justice, it felt like Riley and I were closer. What we shared felt more real than anything I’ve had in the past. Maybe because I didn’t have friendships established before I dated a guy.” I dated random people I met at school, or a party, or through a friend. The guy and I would get to know each other through the course of our relationship, which is probably why it never worked.
I sigh and lower my head. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m rambling because I’m sad and hurting. Like always, it seems.” I haven’t vented like this to Gigi in a long time. I hope I don’t overwhelm her.
She puts her arm around me so my head rests on her shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. I feel responsible. If I hadn’t pushed you and Riley together—”
I lift my head and meet her emerald gaze. “This isn’t your fault. You didn’t push anything, either. Riley and I connected in a way I think neither of us expected. Regardless, I don’t think we were meant to be. ‘We’re on different paths,’ he would say.”
“What do you mean, dear?”
“He wants to live in solitude in the mountains, and I…I don’t know what I want to do yet. I’m still figuring it out.” It hits me then how right he is. I couldn’t see it before, but I do now. Riley has direction, and I have none. He has a destination whereas I’m drifting, letting the wind set my course. I straighten my spine with new clarity. “Until I figure out my plan in life, I can’t have a successful relationship. I have to know what I want and go after it before I can hitch myself to someone else and expect things to work.”
“Well said.” Gigi pats the top of my hand. “It’ll be nice to see you get self-absorbed and self-involved for once. You put too much attention on others. Now it’s time to do you!”
Her words touch on a sore spot. “I don’t want to become too self-absorbed.” I can’t become my mother. I don’t say that out loud. Gigi is her mom, after all.
“You couldn’t possibly. You’re not like me or your mother, thankfully. We raised you well enough to know the difference. When you were born, I swore to myself we’d give you ‘All of our strengths and none of our weaknesses.’”
“You wished that for me?”
“Of course. Your mother and I both did.”
I don’t believe Mom did at all, but Gigi would never miss the chance to make her daughter look better than she is. Or maybe she doesn’t see her the way I do.
“The first part of my declaration came true and then some.” She cups my cheek. “You have more strength in you than me or your mother. More beauty, kindness, and talent, too.”
I roll my eyes. “Now you’re just delivering lines.”
“I’m not.” She lowers her hand to rest on the bed. “You are by far the best of both of us. But I’m afraid our weaknesses found a way in—with the help of society. The road from youth to adulthood is filled with bumps that help shape who we become.”
“I’ve definitely had my share of bumps.”
“Which have only made you stronger. Pain, once healed and learned from, becomes power. Don’t ever let anyone steal that power from you, especially now that you’ve found it within yourself.” She stands. “Your dreams are within your grasp, my darling, and I am always here to help.”
I climb from the bed. “Are you leaving?” Gigi and her dramatic exits. She waltzes in on a cloud and leaves just as graciously, if not too quickly at times.