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“You’d be just fine, because you’re one of the strongest people I know. But you don’t have to go through this alone, okay? I’m here for you, every step of the way.”
Feeling a bit better, I nodded, swiping away the last of my tears. “I know. Thank you.”
Okay, so maybe it was time to put my big girl pants on and just get through this. Figure out a way to do it all by myself.
As much as Rhett’s apparent withdrawal stung, I knew I had to start focusing on me and my babies. If he wasn’t going to be there for us, well, that was his loss. I would get through this pregnancy and my babies and I would be just fine, with or without Rhett Rivers.
CHAPTER 40
Rhett
Agrade A fucking coward. That’s what I was. I huffed out a breath as I stared out at the crashing waves of the North Atlantic Ocean. I’d done a lot of shitty things in my life, but I’d never felt more like an asshole than I did right now. Sitting on a gorgeous beach in Argentina, the sun warm and the beer cold, while the woman I…whatever, was probably thinking I’d abandoned her. Of course she thought that, because that’s exactly what I’d fucking done.
I scrubbed my hand over my face, shifting on the wooden recliner in irritation.
Waking up with Scarlett, feeling those little flutters from the babies, I’d been hit with such a bone deep longing that it scared the living shit out of me. Yeah, it was all just too much. I panicked. My first instinct was to put as much distance between us as possible.
As the memories swamped me, I was unable to sit still for one second longer; I pushed up from the recliner, grabbed my beer and started walking along the beach.
Up ahead, a group of five or six kids were playing soccer, their laughter and shouts echoing across the sand. One of the kids suddenly kicked the ball with too much force, sending it hurtling straight towards me.
Without thinking, I reached out and deftly trapped it under my foot, rolling it around a few times before kicking it back towards the impressed kids. They cheered and clapped, one of the boys calling out, “Guau señor! Que bueno eres! Juegues con nosotros?”
Another day, I would have taken them up on their offer to play and had a lot of fun with it. Not today. I gave them an apologetic smile. “Gracias estoy bien. Pasadlo bien.”
They all looked very disappointed, which almost made me laugh. Again, not today. I walked by them.
But the kids had got me thinking, because apparently I was a masochist these days. I imagined a little boy with Scarlett’s dark curls and my brown eyes chasing after a soccer ball just like these kids. Or maybe a little girl with Scarlett’s fierce spirit, challenging me to a game and giggling when I pretended she’d scored on me. The thought filled me with both joy and terror.
Could I really be that kind of father? One who plays and laughs and nurtures? I’d spent my whole life running from any semblance of responsibility. The idea of disappointing those little faces, of not being able to give them the stable, loving home they deserved…it paralyzed me with fear. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting them, of becoming the kind of father I had.
I was such a fucking idiot. I knew what I was getting into when I got involved with Scarlett. But I guess some part of me thoughtI could just keep things casual, that I wouldn’t end up caring so damn much.
Then I’d seen the way she was looking at me, so content and trusting. And when I felt those tiny movements...it just hit me. This is real. I was going to be a father. I was responsible for these two little lives now.
The thought had terrified me so much that I’d run. I’ve spent my whole life being selfish, only looking out for number one. How the hell was I supposed to put someone else first? To be reliable, and steady, and all the things a good dad and husband is supposed to be? I would totally screw this up. I knew it.
God, I missed her, though. I missed Scarlett’s fire, her sass, the way she challenged me. I missed holding her, the way she’d curl into me, all soft and trusting. I even missed her damn mood swings and the way she’d call me an asshole every five minutes.
I thought putting some distance between us would make it easier. That if I could just get away for a while, I’d be able to get my head straight, figure out what the hell I was supposed to do. But all I could think about was how I’ve probably hurt her. And that killed me.
I had no fucking clue what to do. I was so far out of my depth; I was drowning.
I just... I wish I knew what to do. All I knew was that I missed her. More than I ever thought possible. Now it felt like the most important thing in the world.Shewas the most important person in the world to me.
Which I guess meant…The knowledge settled in the pit of my stomach. Not in a warm, glowy way. More like a lead weightway. I was madly, deeply in love with Scarlett Wright. And I was scared shitless.
CHAPTER 41
Scarlett
Imissed Rhett so much it was a physical ache in my chest. The empty space beside me in bed was a constant reminder of his absence, and I just couldn’t shake this hollow feeling inside me.
I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove the now familiar route to New Bern. Rhett had been gone for over a week now and it was really, really starting to get to me. I’d got into the terrible habit of checking my phone every other minute, just to see if he’d texted. On top of that, it had taken all my willpower not to ask Stef or Esme if they knew how he was doing, or when he’d be back. I’d desperately wanted to talk to them about it, just to get a different perspective, but that didn’t seem fair to them. They were his family now.
Obviously, having a heart to heart with my mother was out of the question.
I’d tried with Cassidy, but even she admitted she was bad at this sort of stuff.