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I did.
“And one more.”
I did.
“Good girl. Now tell me what you need.”
Why was that so incredibly soothing? Just tell me what you need and I’ll make it happen. My mind stopped thrashing around, my heart rate settled a bit, and I unclenched my fists. “I think I need to know.”
“Okay.”
“But not by myself.”
He smiled ruefully, maybe just as surprised as I was at how much I was relying on him these days. “Also okay.”
Smoothing my hands over my yoga pants, I straightened my shoulders. “Let’s go, then.”
Opening the door, he ushered me back into the room. Laura hadn’t moved from her seat, but she looked pale and on the verge of tears.
I climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged, with my arms folded. Rhett took a seat at the little table again, just out of Laura’s line of sight. A million questions burned on the tip of my tongue - why did you do it? Did you consider keeping me? Did you ever regret your decision? But when I opened my mouth,a different inquiry tumbled out, one born of desperation and decades of loneliness.
“Did you... did you ever think about me? Over the years, I mean?”
The anguish that flickered across Laura’s face in that moment was like a physical blow. “Every single day,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “Not a day went by that we didn’t wonder about you, didn’t ache to know you were happy and loved and safe in the world.”
“Why...” My voice cracked, and I had to pause to collect myself. “Why did you do it then? Give me up, I mean? If you thought about me so much?”
She bit her lip as she blinked back tears.
“I wanted to keep you more than anything. But I was just a kid myself back then, still in high school. When I found out, I knew straight away that a termination was out of the question for me. So I hid the pregnancy for as long as I could. Dragging out the inevitable, really. My parents were... well, let’s just say they weren’t understanding or supportive people. When they finally realized I was pregnant, they were horrified. Completely beside themselves with shame and anger. They gave me two choices - keep the baby and live on the streets, or give you up for adoption. Those were my only options in their eyes.”
My heart clenched painfully as I listened to her story. All this time, I’d imagined she’d just tossed me aside like trash. But the real deal was way worse - she’d been backed into a corner by her shitty parents, forced to make impossible choices that ripped her apart.
“There was no way I could bring you up on the streets, all on my own, so I had no choice. If I wanted you to survive, I had to give you up.” She swallowed heavily. “I hoped and prayed you would go to a loving family who could give you all the things I couldn’t at the time. A real home, parents who adored you, every opportunity in the world. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
Well, that was awkward as fuck. What was I meant to say to that? Maybe things had been great before Tyler was born, but they sure as shit went downhill after that. For me, at least. Still, it seemed only fair to say, “I’ve had a good life,” because in lots of ways, I had. But now, I had another burning question. “Will you please tell me about my father? How did you meet?”
Laura’s lips curved into a soft smile. “Ethan was... he was a light in the darkness, to be honest. We were both going through such a hard time. He was bouncing between foster homes and I was locked so tight in with my family and their church that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. For a little dash of irony, we actually met at church. My parents were super strict evangelicals, and I’m sure they never expected their daughter to be thoroughly compromised there. Maybe that added to their horror.”
“That makes sense.”
She paused, her gaze growing distant as she lost herself in the memories. “He was always so kind, so gentle. He had this way of making me feel safe, even when everything else in my life was falling apart. He was so excited when I told him about you, Scarlett. Sure, he was terrified, like I was, but he wanted nothing more than to be a family with you and me.”
Laura’s voice hitched, and she took a moment to drag in a shuddering breath. “At the time, I was naïve enough to think weactually had a chance and for a little while there, I was really, really happy. You were our perfect little secret.”
I swallowed hard, my own eyes stinging as I listened to her story. “What happened?”
“It got so that we could no longer keep it a secret. As I said, my parents didn’t take it well. Before I knew it, I was being dragged interstate, to North Carolina. My Mom stuck close to me while I waited for you to be born. And of course, it wasn’t like cell phones were a big thing, or the internet. So I had no way of reaching Ethan to tell him what was going on. My Dad did, though.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, exactly. My Dad and my two older brothers went after him with a shotgun. Told him I’d miscarried, and that I’d seen sense and didn’t want to be with him anymore. And just to really ram it home, if he ever came anywhere near me ever again, they’d shoot him on sight. And I’d be locked in the basement for the rest of my life.”
“Jesus.”
“Maybe if Jesus had actually been involved, it wouldn’t have turned out like that.” Her laugh was bitter and I can’t say I blamed her.
“So then, what happened?”