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He chuckled. “Not yet.”
CHAPTER19
Wolfe
We entered my condo, and I gestured for Esme to go before me as the elevator doors slid open. She stepped inside, her eyes fixed on the view from the large windows that overlooked the gleaming lights of downtown Raleigh. She walked towards them, folding her arms across her middle and gazing out. Everything about her fascinated me. I couldn’t deny it. Even so, she was a mystery to me. Such an open book, but her pages were written in a code I couldn’t decipher.
I studied her in silence, wondering what was going through her mind. She had been quiet on the drive over from the club, and I could tell that something had shifted in her. Whatever it was, it seemed to weigh heavily on her heart.
Finally breaking the silence, I said softly, “Talk to me, Esme. What’s bothering you?”
She sighed and turned to face me, a slight frown creasing her brow. “It’s just…I feel a little guilty.”
I stepped closer and pulled her into my arms, brushing my lips against hers in a gentle, reassuring kiss. “And why is that? You went after something you wanted, and you got it. Nothing to feel guilty about. I think it’s amazing, actually.”
“Yeah, it’s not about the sex.”
“What is it, then?”
Her only answer was a shrug.
“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna take a seat on the couch and I’m gonna pour us some drinks.”
“Okay.”
“Then we’re going to talk.”
“Okay.” A small frown creased her brow.
“About the kids.”
Surprise flashed in her beautiful blue eyes, but she only nodded in reply, moving by me to take a seat at the end of the couch.
I poured our drinks, half a glass of pinot noir for Esme, whiskey for me. Settling on the couch next to her, I lay my arm along the back, resisting the urge to run the tips of my fingers along her bare shoulder.
Esme took a sip of her wine, and we sat in silence for a few moments. She didn’t seem inclined to talk. Clearly, it was on me to make a start. “So, the kids...They aren’t yours, are they?”
She continued to gaze down at her wineglass. “They are, in all the ways that count. But if you mean did I give birth to them? No, I didn’t.” She gave an uncharacteristically bitter smile. “I never plan to have kids of my own. Even though I wasn’t exactly active, I got an IUD the moment I turned eighteen, just to be absolutely certain there could be no accidents.”
My first instinct was to say, hey, you’re too young to be making such unequivocal statements like that, but then I thought better of it. From what I’d figured out by now, she’d already been a mom for a long fucking time. If she said she wanted no more of that, then I believed her. “Fair enough.”
She seemed to be lost in thought, so I waited patiently for her to begin.
Finally, she spoke up. “So, first up, I never knew my dad. I don’t even know if I have the same dad as Ariel. There’s a ten-year age gap, so it’s unlikely, except that we look so alike, and neither of us looks like our mom. I’m pretty sure the younger ones all have different dads, though.”
I raised an eyebrow in surprise.
Esme went on, “My mom, Hazel... She’s always been something of a free spirit. A wild hippy, pagan, wiccan...Honestly, I can barely keep up. I think her latest is that she’s a white witch.”
Again with the bitter smile. It twisted my heart to see it.
“Anyway, part of her responsibility as a pagan is to honor the goddess. So, every solstice, or festival, or whatever, she takes part in the ‘Great Rite.’ She raised her hand, waggling her fingers to show quotation marks. “Basically, it sounds to me like an excuse to fuck a stranger. Every now and then, well, five times now, she falls pregnant. But, you know, she doesn’t like to be tied down. She tries her best to look after the kids for a little while, but then she gets itchy feet. Hears the call of the mother goddess, which is code for gets bored and leaves.” Esme’s tone turned wistful as she continued. “Every time she leaves us behind, I swear it feels like I’m stuck in this rut until the day she comes back again. And then when she comes back... well, it almost hurts more than when she left.” Another sip of wine. “She always tells me I’ll never understand how much easier life is without children tying you down,” Esme concluded, her voice flat.
“Doesn’t that make you so fucking mad you want to hit something?”
“What’s the point?” She gave a resigned shrug.
“Where is she now?”