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“Say Knox,” Knox prompted. “Na na.”
“Dada!” Jackson insisted, arms outstretched for Knox.
Knox picked him up, and I worried my hands. If Seth heard Jackson calling Knox “dada,” I wasn’t sure how he’d react. But Knox came over to me, kissing the top of my head.
As if reading my thoughts, he said, “It’s on Seth to control his reaction, not you.”
My heart slowed, instantly comforted by his words. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He went to the living room to play with Emily while I finished up, and soon, Emily shouted, “THAT’S THEM!”
I braced myself for the first dinner as one big... happy-ish family.
51
KNOX
Emily ran to the door,throwing it open, and we all stood awkwardly, watching the three march up the sidewalk, Seth in between his parents. They looked up at us, Nancy smiling at her granddaughter, Jerald looking supremely uncomfortable, and Seth staring down at the ground like one misstep would cause him to trip and fall.
There were a million things I wanted to say to Seth. I wanted to tell him how to treat a woman, how he should be tending to his kids instead of the few phone calls he’d managed to make in the last couple months. I wanted to tell him all that he lost and... selfishly, I wanted to thank him for what his foolishness had allowed me to gain.
And even though Jackson usually got all squirmy with new people, he held on to my arm tightly like no one could entice him to let go.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered against his short brown hair. “I’ve got you.”
After what felt like hours, the three reached the front door, and Emily swung it open for them. “Daddy?” I hated the way she said it like a question, like she didn’t know if he would leave right away. It seemed like we were all holding our breath to see how he would respond.
But he put a smile on for her and hugged her tight. “I’ve missed you, Em,” he said.
“I missed you too!” she cried, looking so happy my heart almost broke for her.
He picked her up and walked with her through the door, and then Nancy and Jerald followed him in. Nancy looked at Jackson as if I wasn’t holding him at all and said, “Come here, baby.”
Jackson seemed nervous at first, but I said, “It’s okay, sweetie. Want to see your grandma?”
He seemed to ease up, like he could remember who she was, and went to his grandma, holding on to her but looking around. “Mama?” he said.
Everyone quieted. And it struck me: none of them had spoken to Larkin to know that Jackson had taken his first steps or said his first words.
“I’m here,” Larkin said, carefully watching to the side.
“He’s doing a lot more than talking now,” I said to Nancy, trying to break the ice. “Set him down.”
Several emotions flickered across her face so quickly a regular person may not catch it. Regret. Shame. Sadness. Wonder. She set him down, like I asked, and her hand covered her mouth as Jackson proudly walked to his mom and put his arms up to be picked up.
She scooped him into her arms, grinning at him, and then looked around to see how everyone would react. Jerald was the first to break the silence, smiling and clapping his hands together. “Great job, Jacks!”
Nancy followed suit, clapping, and Seth said, “Great job, son!”
Jackson smiled toothily, loving being the center of attention.
Then I said, “Dinner smells great, Lark. Should we eat?”
“Yes, of course,” she said as if being snapped out of a trance. “Everyone take a seat.”
It was one thing for us and all our emotions to be crowded into her small living room, and another for the six of us to be surrounding her used dining room table, the leaf inserted and folding chairs added to make room for everyone. I’d offered to host everyone at my place, but she was determined to have it here, to make a statement that this was her home.
As dinner began, everyone seemed to laser focus on the motions we could control. Passing the lasagna around, then the salad bowl, then the garlic bread. Then making sure everyone had the drinks they wanted.