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As my children’s eyes slid closed, I silently wished that life could be as simple as the story Knox told. That what I had thought would be my happily ever after with Seth was only the turmoil leading me to the true happiness we all wanted. But if life had taught me anything, it was that men left. And it hurt even more worrying that Knox would be one of them.
31
KNOX
I could tellLarkin was tense since Jackson said his first word.
She tried to put on a brave face, but I could see it in the slight hunch of her shoulders, like she was attempting to make herself small enough to avoid being hurt. I could see it in the pinch around her eyes, the small crease in her forehead. I could hear it through the emotionless facade of her voice, like if she pretended not to hurt, those conflicting feelings might just go away.
But if I knew one thing, it was that pain didn’t just evaporate over time. It needed an outlet. A release.
Once the children’s slow breathing filled the room, I looked over at her and whispered, “Follow me.”
She nodded, slowly creeping out of bed as I had and then rested Jackson in the crib Ford kept for family visitors. Once he was settled in, I linked my fingers with Larkin’s, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
I wasn’t running away from the messy parts of a relationship. When I was younger, running away had only ever gotten me in trouble. In my job, running away could get me killed. And with Larkin, running away could cost me everything I’ve been wanting for longer than I wanted to admit.
We tiptoed through the house, and I opened the grand sliding door leading to the backyard with the glittering blue pool. She set the baby monitor on one of the pool chairs and then joined me standing beside the water. The night air was warm against my skin as I slid out of my shirt and then began taking off my pants.
“What are you doing?” she asked, gazing around the empty yard, back through the big sliding doors to the dimly lit living room.
I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Swimming with you. Naked if you want.” I winked.
“What if someone sees you?” she asked.
“Your monitor has a motion detector, so it’ll warn us if the kids stir, and Ford knows not to come out here.”
“How?” she asked, but my smile told her all she needed to know. She smiled, but then her expression sobered. “But I... I...” She glanced at the pool with worry filling her eyes, illuminated in streaks of blue light.
I didn’t want her to be upset. “You know how to swim, right?” I asked. We hadn’t covered that yet—maybe it had been wrong of me to assume.
“It’s not that,” she said. “I—” She looked down, fiddled with her fingers.
“What is it?” I asked, stepping closer in nothing but my boxer shorts. I ran my hands over her arms, seeing goosebumps there. “He keeps the pool heated. It won’t be cold.”
She let out a sigh. “I’m not twenty anymore.”
My eyebrows drew together. “That’s one of the things I like about you.”
She let out a humorless chuckle and then looked away. “I’ve had two children, and Seth... He said one of the reasons he cheated was because he didn’t like the way my body changed.”
Red hot rage flared through me, and I sucked in a breath. He hadnotsaid that to her. To this beautiful, strong, compassionate woman in front of me. The woman who selflessly carried his children and then cared for them all on her own. How could he be so far off base?
“Look at me,” I said.
Her eyes met mine, worried, vulnerable.
I reached for her shirt, slowly sliding it up her skin.
Her breath hitched as I pulled it up.
“You can tell me to stop,” I said, not an ounce of humor or play in my voice. If she wanted me to, I’d step back, wait until she was ready.
She stayed silent.
The thin cotton followed the path of my hands, revealing her stomach, soft with scores of stretchmarks catching the poolside lights. Then her breasts. Full, hanging heavy with the same marks lining her stomach, thinner this time, like silver pieces of thread.
And then I pulled the shirt over her head, wavy brown hair falling through the opening and then settling around her bare shoulders.