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I put on a falsely cheery voice. “Great! Dinner will be ready when you get here.”
We hung up, and then I took a deep breath because I had to tell the kids their dad and grandparents were visiting. Even though I’d been worked up, I’d learned a long time ago not to get the kids excited for something I couldn’t control.
“Emily, I need to pause the TV,” I warned, stepping into the living room and using the remote to still the screen. Chase’s puppy dog face froze in place, the picture of authority and confidence. Sometimes I wished I had some of his chutzpah.
“Mom,” Emily whined, and Jackson copied her, saying, “Mama. Mama!”
I smiled at him, picking him up and squeezing him. Something about baby cuddles made everything better. Even if he was over a year and a half old, he would always be my baby.
“So I have a surprise for you.”
Emily perked up. “Presents?”
“Your dad and grandma and grandpa are visiting!”
Emily screamed, jumping up and down while Jackson said, “Da da da da.”
I nodded. “Knox will be here too. Are you excited?”
Emily did half a handstand on the couch, kicking her feet into the air. She was getting dysregulated, and I couldn’t say I blamed her one bit. I sat on the couch, letting Jackson back on the ground. He crawled over to his toys, and I asked, “Emily, are you nervous?”
Her eyes darted all over the place as she danced next to me.
“Baby, get in my house,” I said. I made my hands like a roof over my eyes, and she did the same, coming closer until all she could see was me. “I know it’s been a long time since we’ve seen them, but they love you,” I said.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“If you need any space at all, you can go to your room to read. Want to come up with a code word?”
“Yes,” she said softly.
“What should it be?”
She looked thoughtful, her eyes turning toward our hands. “What about Marshall?”
I smiled. “That’s a great code word. So, when you say Marshall, I’ll know you’re going to your room to read, and you can come back out when you’re ready. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I pulled my hand down and gave her a squeeze. “You can watch until they get here.”
“Okay.”
She bundled up on the couch, and I watched her for a second before picking up Jackson to put him in his play pen. He yelled at me every time I tried to set him down, so I brought him to the kitchen with me. I set him on the floor with a plastic bowl and a couple spoons to play with. Of course, he immediately started banging the “instrument.” He was a natural at making noise.
Then I picked up my phone and called Knox while getting the plates out. They were plastic—the cheapest I could get at the store, but as I looked at them, I realized I was proud of my discount dishware.
I’d gone from being a stay-at-home mom for years to making a whole life for myself here. Who cared if I had to start out with plastic dishes? No one who mattered.
Knox’s voice came over the phone as I set the plates on the table. “Hey, babe.”
My heart fluttered. Would I ever get over him calling me that? “Hey. Do you know when you’ll get here?”
“Funny you should mention that.” The door opened then, and I grinned at him, still holding his phone. “Hey,” he said warmly.
“Hey,” I replied, slowly lowering my phone. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Jackson yelled, “Dada!” He pushed himself up on the bowl, bottom going up first and then tottered to Knox. “Dada!”