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But I had to believe I would feel something when the time was right.
He held the door open for me and took my hand in his, helping me down. I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his scratchy cheek. “Goodnight, Bennett.”
He took off his hat and put it over his chest. “’Night, Ms. Larkin.”
I smiled and walked down my sidewalk. I still had half an hour until I was meant to pick up the kids from Knox’s, which would give me time to change into more comfortable clothes and sort out my feelings before I came face-to-face with the man who made me feel like my heart was an open book for him to read.
Once inside the house, I looked around to see if Knox and the kids had been over. A glance in the kids’ room showed Emily had ransacked almost all her stuffed animals to bring to his place.
I leaned against the door frame, a soft smile on my face. Maybe my kids were the happily ever after I was meant to have. Maybe it wasn’t about finding a man to share my life with. Maybe it was about making sure Em and Jackson had a childhood worth remembering.
Pressing off the door frame, I walked to my bedroom to change. It was sparse, with wood floors, a queen-size bed on a basic metal frame, a thrifted nightstand and dresser, then a rocking chair that used to be my mother’s, where I rocked Jackson and Emily.
I walked to the window, brushing aside the sheer, light blue curtains. From here, I could see Knox’s house. Now I knew it faced his bedroom and the living room. Through the open living room curtains, I could see the three of them, cuddled on the couch, the television’s glow lighting their faces. Jackson rested on his chest, and Emily cuddled into his side.
And my heart jerked all over again.
This is what I wanted. Except I wanted to be there in his arms too, not watching from across the way.
I wanted a man to love me. To love my children. To show me fun and pleasure and everything in between. But he was there, and I was here.
I shook my head, letting the curtains fall. Dreams like that were dangerous. But when I pulled open my dresser drawer to get a fresh pair of underwear, I noticed my vibrator tucked amongst silk and cotton.
I bit my lip, thinking of the feel of Knox’s cheek under my lips. Of his strong arms, covered with tattoos. Of the way his eyes softened when he spoke of his mother or greeted my children.
And I grabbed the vibrator, knowing with all the emotions swirling in me, this wouldn’t take long.
I walked toward my bed, slipping out of my dress, and flicked on the vibrator, the noise making my heart beat faster.
In a hurry, I lay back on the bed and...
A loud, synthetic fart ripped through the room.
My jaw dropped open as I got up, feeling around for the source of the sound.
Yanking back the covers, I found a whoopee cushion underneath the sheets. My jaw dropped open.
Fucking Knox.
19
KNOX
My front door cracked open,and Larkin’s voice called, “It’s me.”
“In here,” I said softly. I didn’t want to be too loud since Jackson was asleep on my chest and Emily was asleep on my side. Honestly, I’d needed to pee for the last half hour, but I wasn’t messing this up.
She came in, a silk robe wrapped tightly around her curvaceous body. Her cheeks were flushed and her curls slightly mussed.
My stomach fucking dropped.
The thought of Bennett having sex with her made me want to punch a wall and evaporate into thin air, because being in my feelings right now would only lead to destruction. I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat was dry and nothing came out.
But then she held something up, a pink eraser-colored whoopee cushion and I let out an awkward, strangled laugh. Had it gone off while she and Bennett were—best not think about it.
“Knox!” she whispered-yelled as to not wake her children whileBlueyplayed on the TV.
“Hold on,” I said, carefully easing myself out of my spot. I brought Jackson to the crib in the playroom, feeling Larkin’s eyes drilling holes into my back. When I returned, I put a soft throw blanket over Emily where she slept on the couch, brown curls askew around her face.