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The thought of spending all the money I had to move into a place I couldn’t furnish made my heart ache. But I knew I couldn’t live with my mom and dad forever. Our stuff was already overflowing their house, and the truth was, no matter how welcoming my parents were, living with them just reminded me of all the ways I’d failed.

I held up a finger to Francesca. “One second.”

She nodded, and I turned on the crackling dry grass to walk to my van. Inside, Levi had the music playing from his phone, a rap song with the words moving so fast I couldn’t understand.

“Pause it,” I said over the beat.

He turned it off, and suddenly the van went quiet. “Guys, I need to know what you think about this place. Is it the one? If it isn’t perfect, we can keep looking.”

Levi looked at me, then turned back to look at his siblings. Cora nodded quickly. “I love it, Mom.”

“Me too,” Andrew said.

I looked at Levi, the last holdout. He twisted his lips to the side. “It’s not getting better than this, Mom.”

And I knew he was right. So I wrote Francesca a check and begged her not to cash it til the next day. With a smile, she agreed.

* * *

When we got home,the kids immediately told my parents all about the house. Dad gave me a hug and said, “I'm proud of you, kid.”

But I noticed there was something else on my mom's mind. I could tell by the way her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. When all the kids were sat down watching a movie and Mom was washing the dishes, I went to join her.

Even though the dishwasher worked, she insisted on hand-washing and then using the dishwasher as a drying rack, saying that the machine didn’t clean as well as she could.

I stood beside her, rinsing plates after she sudsed them up and putting them in the dishwasher racks.

After a few dishes, I asked, “Is everything okay? You seemed upset earlier when we told you about the rental.”

She pursed her lips together, the day’s lipstick almost gone. “I’m not upset, just surprised.” She met my eyes for a moment before refocusing on the washing. “I guess I hadn't expected you to find a new place so quickly.”

I tilted my head, confused. “What do you mean? We’ve been here almost two months already.”

“Well...” She set down her dish and dried her hands with a rag before facing me, resting her hip on the counter and folding her arms over her chest. “It's been nice having you here.”

I raised my eyebrows. “You have to be kidding. I would have been annoyed with us six weeks ago.”

She chuckled, then shook her head. “When you lived in Austin, it felt like we hardly ever got to see you because the kids had all those activities on the weekends and then Dad had to run the shop on Saturdays. Having you all here is the first time since the kids were little that I feel like I've really gotten to know them.” She wiped at her eyes.

A lump formed in my throat. “We'll only be fifteen minutes away,” I said, reaching for her hand. “And trust me, I'm going to take advantage of you for free babysitting.”

She laughed. “I'm going to hold you to that.”

“I hope you will. Because Caleb hasn't been showing up lately, and the more people the kids have to love them, the better.”

Mom nodded and put her arms around me, squeezing me like only a mother could. “Have I mentioned that I'm proud of you?”

I let out a little breath, like my lungs couldn’t hold all the emotion I felt. “No, but it means a lot.” I pulled back, wiping at the corners of my eyes. From here, I could see the kids sitting in the living room with Dad, focused on the movie and their snacks. “Sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is failing them. But I couldn’t stay with Caleb.”

Mom reached up, helping me wipe my tears with the pads of her thumbs. “We all make a lot of mistakes as a parent, but there’s one thing you can’t mess up. Kids need you to show up for them. You've been there for those three every day of their lives. You're an amazing mom, Farrah.”

I put my arms around her and held her tight. “Only because I learned from the best.”

10

Gage

After working out Saturday morning, I got in my Tesla and drove to a suburb west of Dallas, my map giving me directions to the one and only Barry’s Brews. Even though the building was small and simple, there were cars filling the big parking lot and lined up at the drive thru. From the taste Farrah gave me over the last few weeks, I could see why.