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Gracie is the only thing I think about. After my outburst in the kitchen, my friends and I decided to spend the night playing video games and drinking. It’s a usual boys' hang-out theme, and I prefer to have their company around tonight because it’ll help distract my thoughts from the woman driving me insane in the next room.
My boys are enjoying the game, and I’m nursing my glass of whiskey, watching them play while trying to analyze my thoughts.
I never should have told her about my parents,I think with a deep sigh. I’ve never wanted Gracie to see me as weak or broken. Now that she knows about my past, she might think I’m living with a deep scar in my heart.
Which I am.
The truth is that my parents lived their lives and made their mistakes. I don’t intend to make the same mistakes and allow myself to experience the same hurt my mother endured.
My fear constantly nags me.What if I turn out to be just like my father? Gracie deserves better than that.
“Hey,” Billy calls to get my attention, and I turn to look at him before lowering my glass to the center table.
“So, what’s up with you and the small-town girly?” he asks. “You two really married? In such a short time? There’s been rumors in the team, man. They think you’re putting on a show for management.”
Billy’s the only guy amongst my teammates I confide in because he’s like me in a way. He grew up in an abusive home, and his parents finally separated when he was eleven. Billy understands what it’s like to not care about romance and falling in love. If there’s anyone who will understand what I’ve done, it’s him.
Billy stares at me inquisitively, and I sigh before shaking my head.
“She’s just a friend,” I whisper to him.
His eyes widen, and I motion for him to come with me. We head to the kitchen, and I grab my nicest bottle of brandy, pour us a glass, and then pull out a chair to sit.
“What do you mean by she’s just a friend? You two are together, right? Like you’re dating and all?”
“I don’t believe in that sort of thing, you know,” I answer with a shrug. “Gracie’s just a girl who’s had a thing for me for as long as I can remember. Her brother’s my best friend so we go way back. I needed someone to help with my reputation, and she was the perfect choice. She knows everything about me, so it won’t be weird.”
“So, you’re not together? You’re not in love with her? All of this is just a story you cooked up to get everyone thinking you’re deeply in love and not as arrogant and rude as they think in reality?”
It takes a while before I nod, and Billy tosses his head back as he bursts into a wide cackle. “Dude, that’s genius,” he comments and slaps my arm.
“Keep it down,” I hush him. “I don’t want anyone else hearing about this. It was all Zane’s idea from the start. Management thinks if I settle down, then I won’t be tagged as America’s most promiscuous anymore.”
Billy keeps raving about my plan with Zane, and an image of Gracie’s face comes to mind. I recall the warmth of her embrace and how it made my heart sing with feelings I only ever experienced with her.
Gracie makes me long for more.For a life I know can’t let myself have.
***
The next morning after practice, Gracie is sitting in the kitchen with a mug in one hand and her laptop on the table. I notice her absent-minded stare when I walk into the room.
“Gracie?” She doesn’t answer after I call her the first time, so I walk over to her and touch her shoulder lightly.
Gracie flinches out of my touch with a sigh, then pulls her chair back, picks up her laptop, and walks out of the kitchen. I don’t miss the glazed, teary look in her eyes when I briefly catch a glimpse of her face.
I hurry out of the kitchen after her and enter her room before she can slam the door in my face.
“Are you okay? Are you crying? Why are you crying?”
She wipes a hand over her cheeks and sniffs hard. “Nothing.”
“That’s a lie.” I can tell from the tears in her eyes and the red look on her face that she’s not okay.
When Gracie meets my eyes, something about the pained look there breaks my heart a little.
“I just … I was foolish to think I can do this,” she mutters.
A chill seeps through as the words leave her lips.