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Besides
There’s a lot to make up for, and you know it.
I couldn’t even muster the energy to be disgusted. After staring at Theresa’s texts for a few minutes, I simply Venmo’d my aunt another ten grand without even thinking it through. By the time she was done with me, I’d have nothing left.
But it didn’t even matter. I felt like I had nothing else to lose.
I was caught in Cole’s father’s web. He wanted me to take Cole’s phone and pretend to be Cole to get what he wanted. As if lying to the man I loved wasn’t bad enough, now his father was asking me to do this. He was making me complicit in his fraud and betrayal.
And if I didn’t do what he asked? He’d bring back the man from my past, the one who abused me. He’d tell them what I did, all the dirty details. Cole, Audrey, James—everyone would know. Cole’s father would call the police on me. I’d have to talk about it, explain myself, defend myself. My shame would never end.
I’d lived alone my whole life for a reason, and this was it. I didn’t want anybody to find out about what happened to me as a kid. It was a past I didn’t ever want to think about again. Long ago, I’d decided it was best to remember it as a movie, something separate and apart from me, something that couldn’t hurt me ever again.
But Cole’s father was making it real. He was making me hurt again.
I paced the room, not knowing what to do. I wanted to run away. Maybe I could put the saddle on Betsy and ride off into the sunset…
I could do it. I’d done it before. With the money I still had left from my first assignment with Cole, I could hide. I could make a new life for myself somewhere. Someplace safe, where no one could ever hurt me again.
My phone pinged, and I groaned. I grabbed it, expecting another message from Auntie Theresa, but instead, it was Cole’s father.
If you are considering relieving yourself of your responsibilities, I wanted to add a reminder.
If you fail to do what I’ve asked, I’ll punish Cole.
Not only will I tell him the truth about you, but I will make his life hell.
He didn’t text anything else because he didn’t have to.
The image of me riding off into the sunset vanished in a poof.
Lewis Bryson was one hell of a negotiator.
JENNY
Audreyand I had a late lunch and sat in the hot tub. We talked about the wedding—I was glad we had something important to discuss. I could pretend to care. Ididcare, but my mind was buzzing with all the very bad things I was dealing with. Thank goodness we needed to discuss signature cocktails and appetizers! It was so much better than blackmail and adolescent trauma.
James and Cole returned from their fly-fishing trip. They didn’t catch any fish, but both said the outing was relaxing and they’d had a great time. Cole’s cheeks were rosy from spending the day outdoors, his thick hair tousled by the wind. When he kissed me hello, I inhaled his familiar scent, mixed with the smell of the Wyoming outdoors, and I almost died from happiness.
Then I remembered what I had to do and everything his father had said. And I remembered that it wasn’t safe for me to be happy.
Still, I played my part. I smiled. I chatted. I gave the performance of a lifetime, that of the happy girlfriend having a great time on vacation—a girl without a care in the world. Drinks and appetizers were followed by more drinks and time inthe hot tub. The stars spread out above us, winking beyond the mountains. Cole kept his arm around me the whole night. He nuzzled my neck, burying his face there, making me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling.
I knew what I had to do, and I was dreading it. So I sat there with my friends and Cole, laughing and drinking, staring at the stars, and being nuzzled. But inside, I was dying.
Lewis Bryson had trapped me. I felt squeezed like he was cutting off my oxygen. If I ran, he’d do something to Cole. Maybe that was a bluff; I wasn’t sure. But I wasn’t willing to risk it. I refused to be the source of any more pain for the man I loved. Cole was supposed to be just another job. Another John. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, and I never dreamed he’d fall for me. But what we had was real, and now that he’d become so dear to me, I could never do anything to hurt him.
Except Iwasgoing to hurt him because I was going to do what his father asked. I felt doomed like I was walking a billionaire’s plank.
So, although I was smiling outside, inside, there was an ugly loop playing over and over. If I didn’t do what Cole’s father asked, he’d bring back my auntie Theresa. He’d have me prosecuted for what I did all those years ago. He’d make me face something I’d put away long ago—something I’d been running from ever since. Cole would find out the truth about me and never look at me the same. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t.
The thing was, I already knew that I’d been damned all along.
Our little party broke up. James and Audrey wrapped their arms around each other and headed to their suite; we headed to ours. I half-hoped that Cole would be too tired to make love after a long day of fly-fishing, but that was not the case.
As soon as we’d locked the door, he stripped us both out of our clothes. His dark eyes grazed me up and down. “You’re sogorgeous, babe. I couldn’t wait to be alone with you. I hated being away from you all day.”
Warmth bloomed inside of me, but the darkness chased it.