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Rager didn’t talk much during the seven-hour drive. And I tried to give him time to sleep, heal, and come to terms with what he was feeling. He asked about the kids, the team, and what would happen next.
“Do you want to return to racing?” I asked, unsure of his feeling toward it.
His eyes strayed to mine and I watched his breathing speed. “Yeah, why?” It was the first time I’d ever heard his voice shake like that. “Do you not want me to?”
My hands trembled, and I was thankful I was holding onto the steering wheel. “No, it’s not that. I just realized I hadn’t asked you.”
He still had a while to go. Needed physical therapy on his ankle once the cast was off in four more weeks, and after that, he had to be cleared by his neurosurgeon and the World Racing Group. It would take some time, probably into late August, and I wondered if taking the rest of this season off would be what he needed to take care of himself both physically and mentally.
He spent some time alone with Caden before we left, and though I was dying to know what they said to one another, I didn’t push the issue. I figured he’d tell me when he was ready, but truthfully, I was dying to know what they said to each other. Caden had regained some sensations in his left leg, but they weren’t hopeful that he would be able to walk again.
Out of nowhere, Rager’s hand moved to my thigh and he squeezed it. “I don’t think I’d be me if I didn’t return to racing.”
I knew exactly what he meant. That’d be like my dad walking away from racing and I couldn’t imagine that. It wasn’t in their blood.
Rager spent most of the drive watching all the races he missed on DIRTVision. Cody was filling in for him, a previous JAR Racing driver, and though Cody was a good top-five finisher, he didn’t win a lot. But he was consistent and that was what we needed while Rager was out.
Dad called him and they talked for about an hour of the drive, and finally, he slept. I spent the majority of the time watching him sleep, thankful I had him here with me, and curious how the kids were going to react to having him home again. Or how we’d deal with this new race format we were going to have to adjust to.
I was scared of what it’d mean for us as a family. And then I thought about how drastically Caden and Kinsley’s lives were changing and knew I needed to appreciate this pit stop we were on. It wasn’t the checkered flag for us.
MOM MET USat the house with the kids. They were so excited to see Rager. All four of them ran up to him once they were in the house and piled on him as he sat on the couch. Even Hudson. It was the biggest smile I’d seen out of Rager in two weeks and naturally, made me cry.
“I missed you guys,” Rager told them, holding them closer.
I was so nervous they were going to hurt him by climbing all over him but he didn’t seem to mind one bit.
“How’s he doing?” Mom asked as we watched him talk to the kids. She handed me a stack of mail.
I flipped through the mail. It was mostly cards for Rager and our family, but there was one that caught my attention. “He didn’t say much. Spent some time with Caden though.” I stared at the envelope in my hand. It had Levi Motorsports on the envelope. Easton’s race team he created with the World of Outlaws. I couldn’t believe he started a dirt racing team, but then again, I could.
“Your dad went to see him today.”
Sighing, I opened the card. “It so hard to see. I hated leaving Kinsley.” My eyes dropped to the card. It was from Easton, or rather his company, wishing Rager a speedy recovery. I snorted. “I can’t believe he sent this.”
Mom peered at the card and then frowned. “I’d throw that away before Rager sets it on fire like he did the Christmas card last year.”
I smiled. “You’re right.”
The door opened behind us.
I turned to see who it was and snorted. Rosa came walking through the door with her suitcase in hand and a case of White Claw in the other. “If he needs a sponge bath, I call dibs on that particular job.” And then she kicked the door shut with her foot.
“Not a chance!” Rager yelled from the living room.
Rosa rolled her suitcase through the foyer with a kick and then cracked open a White Claw. “He’ll give in.” Rosa hiccupped. “Everyone loves a happy ending.”
I had to laugh, and you know what, it felt amazing and even earned me a wink from Rager. I knew then I couldn’t be scared of what the next three months would look like, or the next year. I had to show him my support. The statement that behind every strong man, there was a stronger woman, was true. Being married to a race car driver, it was unlike most marriages. It was exciting, thrilling, everything you’d think being married to a professional athlete was like, but it was also scary. It was never boring, instead terrifying most days, and on top of that, you trusted them with your heart while trying to love yourself in a sport that left little room for that.
“Oh, I forgot something.” Rosa set her White Claw down and jetted out the door. When she returned, she handed me a plant. It strangely resembled a dick.
“What is it?” I held it awkwardly and then set it on the table in our foyer.
“A penis plant. If your husband can’t get it up, that’s for you. It’s organic.”
I blinked slowly, unbelieving. Mom burst out laughing beside me. “I should give one to your dad. Here’s a plant that has your personality,” she teased, cracking herself up.
“I can still get it up,” Rager yelled from the living room.