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I giggle, finding it amusing he can joke at a time like this. It’s also nice seeing this side to him, and that he’s treating me normally, not like I’m made of glass.
“You should laugh like that more often,” he whispers, as if he’s saying it to himself.
“Seriously, though, why?” I ask again, my tone almost pleading.
“I don’t know.” He sighs, running his hands down his face. “It’s you. That’s the only way I can explain it.”
“But you don’t even know me,” I argue, needing more of an explanation.
“I know enough,” he tells me sincerely, and when he looks at me, I see the depth of how true his words are.
“Come on, slow pokes,” CJ shouts, and Cole grunts in response, shaking his head at his friend.
*** *** ***
We walked to Starbucks and stayed for something to eat. Well, the others ate; I just drank a coffee and ordered another to go before we left. With the lack of sleep, I needed it.
After walking Allie to class, we still end up being five minutes early, so we let ourselves in and take the same seats we chose last week. I’m thankful I chose the seat right at the back because now I’m as far away as I can be from other people and their prying eyes.
I’m looking over the email I printed out that Professor Moby sent to us last Monday when everyone starts bustling in. I’m so lost in thought, so distracted by the voices inside my head, that I don’t feel the air in the room thicken. I glance to my right, where Cole is sitting, and see his stance is rigid and unwelcoming. I understand why when I notice everyone is whispering and giggling, looking over their shoulders at me like I’m some pet at the zoo.
Knowing exactly why they are whispering and laughing, my body begins to shake uncontrollably. I look around in horror when a girl a few rows down, in Cole’s aisle, leans over and shows her phone to the girl next to her. I see the picture, and an audible gasp slips through my lips.
“No,” I croak out whilst looking around the room to check if any of the others are looking at the same thing. Cole stands up from his chair, the noise of it screeching and echoing through my ears.
“Are you fucking proud of yourselves?” CJ shouts, surprising me. I was certain Cole was ready to say something, but when I look to my left, CJ is standing and leaning across the table, eyeing everyone in the room with a dark look.
“CJ, sit down,” Professor Moby barks, not pleased with the disruption.
“No,” Cole states firmly, his eyes cold and menacing. He looks like he’s about to take on everyone in the classroom, including the professor.
I close my eyes in shame, feeling bile rise in my throat. Everyone has seen that picture.
“Excuse me?” Moby cautions, sending Cole a warning look.
“No, excuse you,” CJ snaps. “All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Sir, you’ve obviously seen what they’re passing around, yet you sit there like they’re passing around a joke. It’s sick. You’re all fucking sick.”
Someone snickers, and Cole takes a step towards where it came from. Not wanting him to get into another fight over me, I grab his belt loop and pull him back. He looks down at me, and I watch in amazement as his eyes soften before me. I shake my head, giving him a pleading look as tears fall from my eyes. When he realises what I’m asking, his eyes close as if he’s fighting back pain, and my chest constricts.
“You,” CJ growls. He points to the girl who showed off the picture of me to her friend and takes a step in her direction. “Would you be showing everyone that picture if it was you in it?” he asks.
Jesus, the tone in his voice is hard. It’s a tone I’ve never heard come from him before. It’s deadly, and nothing like the carefree, cocky bastard I’ve come to know.
She shakes her head, seeming to have the nerve to actually look guilty. I can’t even open my mouth to tell him to stop, to sit down, because I’m frozen to the spot. I’m confused about what I should do, and what I’m expected to do. My head is telling me to run back home, that I shouldn’t have come, but my heart is telling me I need to show them I’m stronger, that I won’t be run off.
“No? Then why show your friend?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for her to answer as he addresses the room. “You all may find this funny, but that’s only because it’s not you. It wasn’t you who was violated, taken advantage of and drugged,” he reveals. Some people gasp, glancing in my direction with sympathy, but I can’t stand to look at them. I let go of my fear, voiding all my emotions, and look away from everyone’s scrutinising stares. I keep looking forward, staring at the whiteboard whilst trying my hardest to hold it together.
It isn’t until I catch movement from the front of the room that I glance away from the whiteboard. My eyes are drawn to a girl sitting at the front of the classroom, her head turned towards me. Her eyes are filled with so much sadness, such sorrow and grief, that it makes my pain seem irrelevant. She turns in her seat, giving me her back, but not before a flash of guilt and horror crosses her face. I keep my eyes trained on the back of her head, needing something to anchor me, but also because something is pulling me towards her, wanting to help her.
“Yeah,” CJ grunts, looking disgusted at everyone. “And you.” He points to the lad who snickered. “You think this is funny now. What happens when you fall in love or have a daughter of your own and this happens to her? Will you be okay when people are doing this to her?”
“I ain’t ever having kids,” the kid grunts, smug.
“No, you’re probably right. No one would want to breed with you,” CJ snaps, and I feel Cole’s body tense beside me. Out of instinct, I blindly grab his hand. My eyes are still focused on the girl in the front row, but I still feel Cole’s attention snap to me.
“Fuck you,” the kid growls.
“No, thanks. You make me sick. You don’t even deserve to be at university. You’re not mature enough to live in the real world. You’re still a fucking kid who needs his mummy to tell him right from wrong.