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CHAPTER TWELVE
Sleep just isn’t happening for me. My brain won’t shut off long enough to let my body rest. Since I got off the phone with Mum, I’ve laid awake, staring blankly at my bedroom door, long after the sun set. I’ve heard Allie come back and call out for me, but I remained quiet. Even my phone has buzzed on and off all day, but I haven’t been able to find the will to answer anyone.
So much is happening right now. However, I can’t focus on just one thing. Everything is just hitting me at once, thoughts shouting over each other in my head, and it feels like I’m about to explode. I was raped by my best friend. I was hit by my boyfriend. And there is a naked picture and probably others floating around of me during or after my attack.
I brace myself when I hear someone knock on the front door. I wish I’d warned Allie not to answer to Alec or to Logan. She doesn’t know they’re dangerous. How could she? I didn’t even think they were capable of such cruelty.
“Hi Mel,” Allie greets, the surprise in her voice echoing down the hall. “Um, Dad? Is everything okay?”
“Where’s Low? She called me,” my mum asks, sounding distressed.
“Willow? She isn’t here. I’ve not heard from her all day,” Allie answers, seeming confused and troubled.
“She must be here. Is she in her room?”
“I’ve not checked. I called out when I got back but she didn’t answer. I presumed she was still out,” Allie explains, her voice sounding closer.
The door to my room opens quietly, the light from the hallway blinding me for a second.
“Will? Are you okay?” Allie whispers, stepping into my room. Walking over, she bends down at the side of my bed, getting a good look at me. She gasps, and seeing the pain on my best friend’s face hurts me.
“No,” I croak out, my voice dry from all the crying and lack of sleep. Jackie told me to keep hydrated, which I haven’t managed to do, so I don’t think that has helped my throat any.
“Low?” Mum calls softly. My attention stays fixed on Allie. Something passes through her eyes. Regret, guilt, shame, pain, heartbreak? I don’t know. It’s hard to fixate on one since so many emotions flash through her eyes.
The light turns on, blinding me once again. This time, I keep my eyes closed until I know I can adjust to the lighting.
Hearing Mum and Allie’s gasps, I know they’ve seen my bruised face. I’m just glad that’s all they can see because if they see how broken I feel inside, it would kill them. I’ve never felt this empty, so hollow and vacant, in all my life. I hate feeling like this.
“Low, what happened to you?” Mum whispers, taking a seat next to me on the bed. She reaches out for my hands, her warm hand cupping my cold ones.
“He raped me,” I croak out, unable to sugar-coat it or hold back the blow. A lone tear slips free when I see her jolt with alarm and dread, before pain washes across her face.
Allie gets up and moves away, causing another tear to fall. At first, I think it’s because she can’t stand to be next to me, but when I see her pale, horror-stricken expression, I pause.
“I’m so, so, so sorry,” she whispers, looking at me sadly before turning to look at my mum with pain and guilt in her eyes.
“Who did this to you?” Mum quietly sobs, squeezing my hand. I sit up in bed, trying to get comfy, which is hard since everywhere on my body is still throbbing.
“Logan,” I manage to get out. Even his name tastes bitter coming from my mouth.
Mum’s head whips to Allie, a look of recognition and horror on her face. I glance at Allie and see tears falling down her cheeks. She looks ashamed.
“What’s going on? Why do neither of you look surprised?” I ask, sitting up straighter and sliding my feet out of bed.
“Low,” Mum says softly. She looks on at me with a sad expression, but there’s no flicker of surprise in her eyes that Logan would do this.
Or…
“Do you not believe me?” I ask, getting to my feet. I don’t care that I’m only wearing a pair of knickers and Cole’s hoody. It’s big enough that it falls to my knees.
“Of course we do,” Mum tells me fiercely, but she doesn’t meet my gaze. Why isn’t she comforting me, telling me everything is going to be okay? And why does Allie look like she just got raped and not me?
They’re not making sense and they’re acting secretive.
My throat clogs with emotion and I try to hold back a sob. I try so hard it comes out strangled and painful.
“Then why are you acting weird? Do I disgust you? I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay. I need you to make the memories go away,” I beg, my voice rising as the tears finally fall.