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“Of course she did. Look at her,” Jeannie answers for me, and she’s not wrong.
I did say it back, a thousand times over. And then we kissed—a thousand times more than the amount of times we shared those three little words. Soon enough, those kisses turned heated, and we’dstripped down to nothing, whispering those words against each other’s skin, and we wereso close. So close to sealing that love in the most beautiful way… until we both realized that my dad was in the next room, and it felt weird and wrong, and so we put it off with the promise ofsoon. Personally, I couldn’t wait. Then Jace asked why his face was burning, and I realized amid all our declarations that I’d applied a mask to his face that I should’ve washed off twenty minutes ago.
He looked like a peeled orange when he left for work this morning, and I couldn’t stop laughing, and he couldn’t stop glaring at me. Until I reminded him that he couldn’t be mad at me because I loved him and he loved me.
“Earth to Harlow,” Sammy sings, pulling me from my daze. “Dang, girl, your cheeks must hurt with that big of a smile.”
“They do,” I agree.
“So, tell us everything!” Jeannie squeals, sitting up on her knees, facing me. “I bet the sex afterward wasinsane.”
Sammy smacks her cousin. “Sit down, you little horn bag.”
I giggle. “He wants me to go with him.”
“To college?” Jeannie asks.
I nod.
“Where?”
“He’s still undecided right now, but I don’t care where he goes.” We’d ended last night the way we do most nights—me in his arms while he held me close. Only the TV wasn’t on and he wasn’t playing games on his Switch. We just lay in the darkness and made plans for our future. He’d most likely have to live on campus for the first year, and so we’d look for a room for me to rent nearby. “It shouldn’t be too hard to find a decent one in college towns,” he’d said, and I’d agreed. Though I didn’t really care where I slept. I’d sleep in his van if it meant being near him, and I told him as much, which led to us being naked for the second time, and him between my legs, and then Dad coughed—perfect timing—and Jace pulled away so fast he almost fell off the bed.
“So, you’re leaving us?” Sammy asks now, glaring at me in the rearview. “I mean,yay! We’re so happy for you!”
“Ignore her,” Jeannie says, rolling her eyes. “She’s just jealous because she can’t wait to get off the compound.”
“Hey, since you’ll be leaving with Jace, maybe I can take your room.” Sammy smiles at me through the mirror, and I already know what’s coming before she even says it. “Getrealclose with Daddy Greene!”
Even seeing Mom’s car in the driveway isn’t enough to pull me down from my high. After saying goodbye to my friends, I hop out of the car and enter the house as quietly as possible so I don’t wake her.
I climb the stairs quickly, ready to crawl back into bed and text Jace a million messages that all read the same:
I love you
I love you
I love you
Before I can make it into my room, I hear Mom talking from the other side of her closed bedroom door. “I’m just packing some clothes,” she says, and I pause with one hand on the doorknob to listen intently. “Well, I can’t just pack up my entire wardrobe and leave it bare. That’s a little obvious.”
Eyes narrowed in confusion, I tiptoe to her room as quietly as possible, hold my ear an inch from the door.
“I have to go, though. I still want to shower and get out of here before Harlow gets home from school.” … “Yeah, it’s so hard to be around her these days.” … “Oh, you know. New beginnings, but the same old Harlow.” … “She’s acting out again… fucking the boy next door and God knows who else.”
My stomach turns, drops to my feet, and I close my eyes to stop the tears from forming.
“Okay, I love you,” Mom says, and my eyes snap open. “I’ll be home soon.”
Home?
Her footsteps near, and I rush into my room, hide out in the closet.
Home?
It doesn’t make sense.Thisis her home.Thisis why we moved here,so she could be closer to work. Right? My eyes widen when reality hits, and I rest against the wall, finding it hard to stay upright. I don’t know why I was so caught up on the wordhome, when her previous statement should have been the outlier. She saidI love you, and I know she wasn’t talking to Dad. Because even though Dad had scolded her in the past when he’d overheard her make hurtful commentstome, she would never be so blatant with him, so crass as to refer to me asfuckingthe boy next door.
Devastation swirls, forming a knot in my stomach, and I can’t seem to breathe. There’s oxygen in my lungs, I know there is, but it’s being held hostage, because I know what I need to do.