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“Sorry,” he says, sitting back so we’re level. “It’s just that… I mean, it was amazing while it was happening…”
“Jace.”
“But afterward… it just felt…” He shrugs, and I look out over the water again, wishing I could set my imagination ablaze and turn it to ash, never to resurface for as long as I shall live. Jace, having no clue of my current state, continues, “We’d havesex, and we’d get dressed and go our separate ways, and I don’t know, it just felt kind of… pointless. Andempty. And I know it’s because there was no attachment there, emotional or otherwise. And don’t get me wrong, I cared for her as a friend, but nothing more, and I don’t know… it didn’t mean anything to either of us… thesex.”
I’m glad he reiterated thesexpart, because I was having trouble understanding.Not. And also: How the hell did we go from making out against a tree trunk to this? What planet am I on, and how the hell do I go back home?
“Did it mean something for you?” he asks, his voice low, and I turn to him. He’s focused on his hands now, his palms specifically. “With your previous, um…”
I choke on a breath, then release it slowly. Even back home, my reputation preceded me. Thanks to Bryce Lynn, the school stoner, I waslabeled what I was after I lost my virginity to him. The guy after him was a rebound almost two years in the making. And then there was Christian. Still, I heard all the rumors that were spread about me, and my biggest mistake was acting as if I didn’t care and not denying any of them. When you get called a whore at home, you may as well be one everywhere.
But who I was then had followed me here, and it wouldn’t really bother me… if not for Jace. And who knows what he believes or what he thinks of me? But he’s not askinghow manyguys I’ve been with. He’s asking if theymeantanything.
I try to come up with an answer—one thatdoesn’ttake his feelings into account. It’s a truth only I know, and right now, it’s the only truth that matters. “I tried to convince myself at the time that it did, but I know in my heart that I was lying.”
“So…no?”
“No, they didn’t mean anything.”
He nods slowly, his throat moving with his swallow. “So, I was thinking… maybe we could be each other’s first? At least in that regard.”
I stay quiet, unsure of what he’s saying, and he must sense that, because he elaborates further.
“Maybe a little later down the road, you and me… we canmeansomething… to each other.”
My smile is instant, caused by the warmth flowing across my chest. “Yeah. I’d like that. A lot.”
He turns to me, his eyes meeting mine. “Me too, Harlow.” And then he kisses my cheek before moving to my neck, dropping a thousand tiny kisses there. I laugh at the sensation, and he wraps his arms around me, forcing me to stay put when I try to pull away. A thousand more kisses as he’s finally done, but I can’t stop laughing. I tamper it down to a simmering giggle, but it only builds up again.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
I run my hand through his hair, clearing his face, and kiss the freckles on his nose. “For someone who doesn’t talk much, you sure went the long-ass route to tell me you wanted to wait.”
He chuckles and says, “Sorry.” Then he takes out his phone, taps it a few times. “Okay, so favorite food?”
“What?”
“Just answer. Favorite food?”
“Italian.”
“Favorite flowers?”
I look at his phone. He’s in the notes section of my contact, filling out a list of questions there. “What are you doing?”
“I read this thing about dates.”
“You’re planning a date?”
He doesn’t respond, just mumbles, “Night or day, I already know.”
“How do you know?”
He turns to me, touches my earlobe. “Your earrings. Moon, stars, and lightning bolt. I just assumed.”
“You’re right,” I tell him, holding his arm to my chest and leaning into him. “But you don’t have to do all this, Jace. Just being with you is enough. I promise.” Then I stand, offer him my hands. “Let’s go home so I can feed you.”
His eyes light up. “Are you cooking?”