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“Ouch.” She tries to move off me again, but I tighten my hold, grimacing.
“That came out wrong, huh?”
“A little, yeah.”
I shake my head. “I just meant that before you, I was so ready to getthe hell out of here and never look back. But… things are different now.”
“How?” she asks. “And please don’t say because ofme…”
I can only stare ahead because what am I supposed to say? I don’t want to lie to her, and the truth might scare her, so there’s no winning on my end.
Harlow sighs, the sound almost deafening in the stillness of our surroundings. “This is why I don’t ask about it. Whatever decision you make should be what’s best foryou,and you only.” She pauses a breath, locking her hands at my nape. “You know… my mom didn’t want Harley to have a serious girlfriend in high school. She didn’t want a random girl to sway any decisions when it came to his future, and to be honest, it was the only thing I agreed with her on. You can’t make a decision that could possibly determine the rest of your life based on me, Jace. I won’t let you.”
“You’re not a random girl,” I murmur, searching her eyes as I try to come up with an argument. But… as much as it kills me to admit, I know that she’s right. To an extent. We’ve only been together a few months, and, granted, they’ve been the best months ofmylife. I don’t know her past—never wanted to—so who knows what she’s had to compare it to? “I could always set up that website for you. You can sell pics of your feet.” On second thought… “Or I could teach you to code. You could make websites for other people.” I pause, my mind spinning, working overtime, and I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. “Or you could sell those protein ball thingies you make for me and the guys. They’re always offering to buy them from you. You could package them nicely… be an entrepreneur…”
Harlow watches me, her eyes right on mine, and I hate that I can’t read her thoughts. Hate that she gives nothing away. Now I guess I know what it feels like to be in her shoes. She blinks a few times, lowering her gaze. “These all seem like jobs I can do from anywhere…”
“I guess so, yeah.”
Her eyes meet mine again, narrowed slightly, and she says, “Okay, this is one of those times when I need you to take the direct route to your point, no veering off course, no going around in circles.”
“Like when I told you I wanted to wait?”
“Exactly like that.”
Groaning quietly, I release her so I can run my hands through my hair, tug at the ends. Anxious energy crawls through my veins, pulses wildly beneath my flesh. I roll my neck, attempting to ease the tension building there.
“Are you nervous?” she asks, holding my face in her hands and forcing me to look at her. “Jace… you don’t get nervous.”
“I do around you,” I murmur.
“Why?”
“Because…” I inhale as much air as my lungs can handle, then give her all my thoughts, all my feelings, all at once. “Before you came along, I never really knew what it felt like to love someone, but I’ve started to remember what it feels like tobeloved. By my parents, and now byyou. You make me feel loved, Harlow, and I hope that maybe one day, you’ll feel the same about me…”
Breaths short, staggered, tears well in her eyes as she whispers, “Are you saying?—”
“I’m saying that I love you, Harlow. And I want you with me wherever I go. Not just in the next stage of my life, but for the rest of my life… and all the lives after that.”
53
Harlow
“What are you on right now?” Sammy asks. “And can I have some?”
“I’m not on anything,” I reply, staring out the window as she drives me home from brunch. I catch my own goofy grin in the reflection and laugh at myself.
“You’re definitely on something,” Jeannie chimes in.
“I’m high on life,” I lie.
Sammy gasps, and I switch my attention to her. “Jace told you he loved you!”
“How could you tell?!”
My friends squeal in response, and I melt into mush in the back seat of their car.
“Did you say it back?” Sammy asks, and she’s yelling, her excitement for me only escalating my own.