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“I’m sorry,” I tell him, because I am. And because I understand that need to feel nothing. That’s why drugs and alcohol had been my only friends… until I moved here.
“Where have you been, Harlow?” he asks now, his words quiet.
“Dallas.”
“To see Christian?”
I almost laugh at the thought. “No. I went to Levi’s—my brother’s best friend. I just needed to be somewhere familiar. Somewheresafe. After…”
His throat moves with his swallow, and he rubs the tension from his neck. “Are you guys together now?”
“No,” I answer quickly. “Are you and Reyna?”
His eyes shift to mine, eyebrows raised in question.
“I saw you and her in your bedroom… from my window…” Unease crawls up my spine, making me shift in my spot. “I saw you kiss her.”
“Sorry,” he murmurs, and he can’t look at me anymore.
“Don’t apologize,” I assure. “We weren’t together, and… I don’t know.” I heave out a sigh. “I don’t really know what’s been going on in your life, so maybe you needed something familiar and safe too.”
“I did,” he says, and that’s all the answer I need.
Even though my mind knows he did nothing wrong, my heart doesn’t understand that. The twisting in my gut, the pain in my chest, almost blinds me. Heat burns behind my nose, causing tears to well in my eyes, and Jace repeats, “I’m sorry, Harlow.”
“It’s okay.” I try to smile, but it doesn’t show, and it shouldn’t hurt this much, but it does.
“I was going through a lot,” Jace says, and I see him shift, almost as if he wants to walk over to me. Hold me. He doesn’t. And I’m grateful he doesn’t because I don’t know how I’d handle it. “My grandpa’s sick,” he explains. “In the head. The night before my last game, he, uh… he took things too far, even for me.”
I wipe at my eyes now, pushing aside my pain so I can listen to his.
He’s talking to the trees when he adds, “He pushed me into this glass cabinet and got me to the ground. Used one of the shards to hold to my throat…”
“Jace…”
“He kept threatening to kill me, and I swear, I thought he actually would. I had to defend myself, push him off me, but then I noticed that he’d cut his hand open with the glass, and I… I called Jonah, asked him to get his mom. Connie—she’s a nurse. She took us to this clinic in Fremont, and the clinic called the cops, and he was arrested.”
I realize I’m not breathing as he tells me all this, and so I force air into my lungs, creating an audible gasp that has his eyes moving to mine again.
“He had to sit in jail for a few days, and by the time the judge saw him, he was as close to sober as he had been for years, but… he didn’t know where he was or what he was doing there. He didn’t know where he lived. What year it was. Who the current president is. Nothing. The only thing he knew wasme. He kept asking forme. Hisgrandson… And the judge—she called me afterward, and she told me that her dad… he, um… he had dementia, and she could see the signs in the few minutes she spent with my grandpa.”
“Jace, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he shrugs, his eyes glossy with tears. “I always knew that there was something wrong with him, especially in the past few years. He hadn’t always been like this. And I’m sure the alcohol didn’t do him any favors, but the man wasliterallylosing his mind, day after day, and he didn’t understand why, and everyone I took him to see couldn’t look past the drunk old man standing in front of them.”
“Is that why I haven’t seen him around lately? He’s in jail?”
Jace shakes his head. “The judge gave him court-mandated rehab. He’s in a facility in Odessa right now, and they’ve done initial tests for dementia, but they want him to stay a little longer—get one side of him better before they do more.”
“But you already know the outcome, don’t you? Because you know him better than anyone.”
Jace nods. “He’ssick, Harlow. There were nights when, even though he was so drunk he couldn’t stand, he would still call me by my name. He’d ask about school and basketball and making captain… he’d tell me he loved me… but then… then he’d hurt me. But every time he did it, he didn’t see me. He saw my dad. And if you were in his shoes…”
“I can’t even imagine,” I tell him honestly. I hold back a sob, adding, “I hope you know that I’ll always have love in my heart for you, Jace, and if you ever need someone to talk to, or…” Silence stretches between us, and I almost take back my words. But I can’t, because I meant every one of them.
“I’ve been hanging out at Jonah’s a lot lately,” he tells me. “Connie likes to have me over for dinner at least twice a week.”
I can’t help but smile. “I’m glad you have them.”