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Forty-nine
Henley
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”
I look up from the plate of lobster risotto I’m picking my way through and glare at him. As soon as Conner left, I told Jeremy I’d meet him at the apartment after work and went back to my office, doing my best to ignore the way Margo was looking at me. Like I disappointed her.
When I got home, Jeremy was there with food and wine, pretending everything was fine.
“Well, that’s strange, because I tell you exactly why, every time you ask.” I don’t remember ever being this angry at him before. Feeling this… controlled. “I’m upset because you came here to check up on me,” I hiss at him like a snake. “I’m upset because you just showed up.”
“I wouldn’t have had to just show up if you’d take my calls,” Jeremy sniffs, looking at me over the rim of his wine glass. “You haven’t even asked me why I’m here.”
I don’t have to ask. I know why. He’s here because he knows. He knows I don’t want to marry him. That I’m tired of pretending. That I want a real life.
That I want Conner.
“Why are you here, Jeremy?” I say it to my risotto, not wanting to look at him. Trying to figure out how to say what comes next. That he was right to worry. That I’m not going back to New York.
“Because I needed my best friend.”
Something about his tone pulls my gaze up to his face. “What happened?”
“I think Gregg’s cheating on me.”
“I—” I shake my head, not sure I heard him right. “That’s not possible.” Gregg and Jeremy have a fantastic relationship. So fantastic, I can’t help but feel a little envious around them.
“I assure you, it is.” Jeremy wipes his mouth with his napkin and sits back in his seat, taking his wine with him.
“I don’t understand,” I say, guilt instantly replacing anger. “Everything was fine between you two when I left. Better than fine.”
“I think it’s been going on for a while.” For the first time, I notice how tired he looks. How worn. “He seems distant. Buried in his work.”
“Maybe it’s just one of those ebb and flow things,” I say like I have a clue how a real relationship is supposed to work. “All couples go through growing pains. I wouldn’t worry. Gregg adores you.”
“Maybe. Let’s talk about something else.” Jeremy says, setting his glass down hard enough to slosh wine over its rim. “Your mother called me last week.” His gaze narrows slightly. “She says you’ve been ignoring her calls too.”
I take a sip of wine and shrug. “I’ve been busy.” I do my best to sound natural when really, just the mention of my mother threatens to break me out in hives.
“That’s what I told her,” Jeremy says, topping off my wine glass as soon as I set it down. “She’s over the moon about the engagement. I told her not to—”
“You told my mother about the engagement?” I try to temper my tone, but it still sounds sharp. Accusatory. “We agreed we weren’t going to announce it officially until Christmas.”
“Well, it’s not like it was an actual surprise, Henley.” He rolls his eyes, digging his spoon into his own dish of risotto. “I figure with you busy doing whatever it is you’re doing here, you could use her help planning the engagement party.” When I don’t answer him, he looks up from his food. “It’s just your mother.” He says it like I’m being unreasonable. Like I’m a child, having a tantrum. But he knows how she is, that as soon as she heard the word engagement, she called everyone she knew with the news. Half of Manhattan probably knows by now. It’s why we’ve been so careful to not to say it. I’ve worn the ring he gave me to a couple of public appearances to stir up speculation, but that’s it.
“You had no right, Jeremy.” I shake my head and stand, tossing my napkin onto the table. I have that feeling again. The sense that I’m being manipulated. Controlled. The most infuriating part is that the feeling isn’t wholly unfamiliar. I’ve just never had a reason to balk before.
We stare at each other across the table for what feels like years. Finally, he says it—what really brought him here. What he’s really worried about. “You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you?”
I can’t say it, so I nod.
“You promised.” Now he’s standing too. “We’ve been planning this for years and now, all of a sudden—”
“It’s not sudden. I’ve never…” wanted to marry you. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but even though it’s the truth, I don’t say it. It would feel like a betrayal. After everything that Jeremy has done for me, I owe him this.
Really? You owe him your happiness? Your freedom?
A few months ago, I believed the answer was yes but now… “I love him, Jeremy.” It’s the first time I’ve ever said it out loud.
His mouth flattens into something too grim to be a smile. Something that looks like resignation. “Does he love you back?”
“Yes.” Saying it causes a momentary flutter in my chest. Panic. Hope.
He sighs, nods his head, more resigned than happy. “Then we’ll figure it out. Together. Just like we always do.”