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Patrick shakes his head and grins at me. “That’s too bad, “he says, voice muffled. “I heard about this feisty, red-headed librarian who made Jessica Renfro cry today and I felt compelled to stop by and offer her a foot rub.”
“A foot rub?” I key in the security code and flip the lock. “Okay, but I have to warn you,” I say, pushing the door open. “I’ve been in these heels all day—it’s not going to be pretty.”
“It’s been months since I’ve seen Tess so happy,” he tells me, stepping into the atrium. “I’ll risk it.”
We both laugh but I can tell by the way he’s looking at me, his reason for stopping by has nothing to do with Tess or was happened with Jessica this afternoon.
“Patrick—” I start to speak but he cuts me off before I have a chance to even formulate a thought.
“I don’t know what he told you, Henley,” he says, all traces of amusement gone from his voice. “If I had to guess, it’s that he’s super chill about you’re coming home. That he doesn’t care. That he’s able to keep whatever is happening between the two of you casual.” He jams his hands into his hand-tailored pants and frowns at me. “He’s a liar. He can’t, and he does and he’s not.”
“I don’t see how what’s happening between Conner and me is any of your business.” This time, the thin-lipped smile I give him is genuine. “Besides, happening isn’t even accurate. Happened is more like it since we haven’t spoken in—”
Again, he cuts me off. “His self-care regimen is pretty fucked-up. At best, it’s excessive and self-abusive. At worst, it’s boarder-line obsessive and balls-out dangerous.”
My stomach gives a sickened lurch. I knew that. I did. But knowing and hearing it said out loud are two different things.
“Why are you telling me this?” It’s a stupid question because whether Patrick says it or not, I already know the answer.
Me.
I’m why.
I’m the reason.
What Conner does and who he is, is because of me.
“Because, even as fucked-up as it was, his way of dealing kept his head above water.” His tone sharpens and for the first time I can hear it. Fear. He’s afraid. It makes me think of Tess, the way she spoke to Conner at the garage this afternoon. How scared she was. “Now, he’s not even trying to tread water. He’s letting himself drown—and I think you're the reason why.”