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I look down at my boots because I can’t look at her and say what I have to say next. Not if I want to mean it. “I’m not going to fuck you, Henley.” When she doesn’t answer me, I look up to find her staring at me, eyes wide and dark like I just slapped her in the face.
Shit.
“That came out wrong.” Jesus. Just shut up and leave. “I didn’t mean—”
“No. Don’t apologize. I deserved that.” Her voice cuts across mine. “I…” she shakes her head. “I don’t want—I mean I do want… but that’s not why I’m asking you to stay.” She catches her bottom lip between her teeth and shrugs. “I’d ask you to read to me, but I really don’t have any books here.”
“I don’t need an actual book to read to you.” I’m through the door in an instant. This, I can do. This, I can give her. “I remember every book I’ve ever read.”
“Isn’t that more like reciting?” She looks up at me, a small smile curving the line of her mouth for just a moment.
“I guess if you want to get technical about it,” I say, my mouth going a little dry when she starts to scoot across the bed to lie in the center of it. Turning onto her side, she lies down and faces me. Like a complete idiot, I just stand there and stare at her like I don’t know what happens next. Like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
“Come here, Conner.”
I nod at her, swallowing hard against the panic, rising in my throat. How long have I waited for her to say that to me? How many times have I lay awake and thought about what it would be like to be here? Too many for even me to count.
And you’re gonna puss out now? Stop being a bitch, take off your goddamned boots and get in bed.
Lowering myself to the edge of the bed, I pull off my boots and tuck them under her bed before scooting back until I’m lying next to her, gaze aimed at the ceiling. “What—” I barely get the word out, my throat is so dry. “What do you want to hear?”
I feel her shift closer to me a moment before her fingers weave themselves between mine. “You know,” she whispers, her cheek coming to rest on my shoulder.
Gatsby.
Opening my arms, I pull her closer. Wait for her to settle against me before I start from the beginning, reciting from memory.
“In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice…”