Page 9 of Carnal Games

“Yeah?”

“You may have lost one person today, but you also found one,” he says with a grin before winking. “So, I guess it wasn’t such a bad day.”

Chapter Three

Iris

The worst kind of lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

After denial, they’re an addict’s biggest enemy.

Lately, an incurable addict is what I feel like.

Despite knowing both facts, I’m driven restlessly out of my mind to not give in to my desire and enslaving impulse. My whole day was spent distracted and ping-ponging between the two feelings.

I stare at the clock hanging on the wall in my room striking a quarter to six and fight the urge to jump out of my bed and run to my almirah to start dressing. Like I’ve been religiously doing for the past week.

Even though I know in the back of my head that I’ll never let Mr. Severe see me, I still choose from my limited collection of cute dresses and tops. That if by some miracle our eyes locked, he’d find me pretty and have the same visceral reaction I did when I saw him. One of those slow-motion and heart-stopping moments in rom-coms.

It’s because of this sudden laziness, that I’ve had to force because of my resolution to quit chasing Mr. Severe like a vice, that I’m having the worst case of withdrawals.

My whole body is itching to give in to my need right now, the devil whispering,seeing him one more time won’t hurt, while my heart is working overtime.

If only there was a way to lock my limbs so I could put an end to the war waging in my head. Battling physiological yearnings are way harder than physical ones.

A set of handcuffs.

They’d be the perfect solution to my current predicament. Why didn’t I think to have them in handy? I could’ve tied myself to the bedside table and thrown the key far away. It certainly would’ve made things easier by taking away my ability to move.

But no, I had to take the tougher route. Convince my mind to stick to my decision to stay away from Mr. Severe.

I glance at the clock again.

Ten to six.

He could be at the park right now, Iris.

“No, I promised to stay away,” I whisper out loud as if that’ll silence my thoughts.

You don’t need to end this ritual.

“Yes, I do.”

Walking is good for your health and you shouldn’t ban yourself from the park because of him.

“Great… Now he’s got me talking out loud to myself like a loon.” It’s like I’m arguing with the devil perched on my shoulder. Especially when it delivers the next fearsome blow.

What if it’s your last chance to see him before he vanishes out of your life like a ghost in the night?

I violently shudder at the scary possibility, a corner of my heart unsatisfied from the way I left yesterday. It wasn’t a proper goodbye. I hadn’t memorized his handsome face hard enough.

On the one hand, I also know this feeling will be a constant no matter how many times I fool myself into believing it’s enough.

Mr. Severe has got me hook, line, and sinker.

And I don’t want to be freed.

“Fuck it.” I slide off the bed and dash across the room to my wardrobe.