Page 46
Story: C is For Corruption
“Alright. I’ll start guessing.” Dawn nodded, taking my silence as an answer while I was still wondering if Icouldtalk to her about what happened at the warehouse. “Your interrogation didn’t go too well. If I had to wager, based on the glimpse I got of the rest of them getting out of the SUV when we stepped back here, somebody got a little trigger-happy before you could get your answers.”
My head whipped back in shock. “How–”
“My son may not have wanted to tell me everything, but I’m not stupid. I raised two mobsters, so I know enough. It didn’t take a genius to know he moved us all the way out hereaway from Sacona so we couldn’t be used against you boys. And you definitely don’t have to be the brightest to put two and two together when your child is telling you about a problem and a few days later there’s missing gangsters or bodies in the paper.” She reached out and patted me on the shoulder. “So, who messed up? My money is on Leighton. That boy has had impulse control issues as long as we’ve known him. I still have nightmares about Collin confetti.”
“Victoria, actually,” I answered, unsure I wanted to know what Collin confetti was about.
“Can’t say I saw that one coming.” She huffed, taking another sip of her drink. “Can’t say I’m mad about it either, though. You boys need a woman who has your back just the same as you have each other’s. She’s got the will, so tell me, Az, you gonna give her the way?”
I raked a hand through my hair with a groan. “Rich didn’t want this for her.Idon’t want this for her, but she’s not leaving me any choice.” I started pacing along the length of the table, my hand on the back of my neck. “I told her, I fuckingtoldher that we didn’t need her to be a sword for us, we could do that. We need her to be our peace! But she won’t listen!” I could feel my chest tighten as my mind started flashing with all the ways this could go wrong.
Dawn sipped her whiskey, watching me with a patient look as I paced, but didn’t say anything. I picked up my glass, downing the contents and relishing the burn on the way down.
“I keep feeling like if he were here, he’d know what to do or, or what to say. She fought him, yeah, but it was… it felt different. He would have known how to handle her. Fuck, how to handle all of this!” I set the glass down before I threw it. My chest was tight, my head hurt, and my eyes burned. “I wasn’t meant for this role! I was his right hand, his back up. I wasn’t meant tolead, and everything is falling apart around me and I don’t… I… I can’t make it stop.”
My words were starting to jumble in my head; the world was going blurry as tears filled my eyes despite my attempts to stop it.
“He said the same thing to me once,” Dawn’s voice was soft as she set her glass down, “After Richie and Victoria got into their little spat because of his stubbornness, he called me. He was heartbroken and ashamed of himself. But he believed he was doing the best thing for her. I remember how he sounded when he said he felt like everything was falling apart, slipping through his fingers, and he didn’t know how to catch it all. He was fighting with Joey, scared to death for all of you.” She sounded so distant as she recalled their conversation, and something inside me started to crack. “His shoulders weren’t made of steel, but he tried to carry it all anyway. I kept trying to tell him, that’s what God and your momma’s for.” She cleared her throat, looking at me. “The point is, don’t try to create an image in your mind that he would have had all the answers. He was only human, too, and he struggled. It’s okay to feel like you don’t know what to do next, struggle, or even be afraid.”
“I stillneedhim here.” I croaked out. “It’s not the same with the other guys. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s just not. Without him, I don’t have the one person I could go to when I needed my head sorted out. He had you, and I just… without him, I’ve got nothing.” I sobbed.
“Listen to me, Az Casadei.” Dawn said sternly, gripping my chin in her hand. “I know I ain’t your momma, God rest her soul, but you’re my son as much as the rest of them. I know you looked up to Rich and he helped you through some pretty dark days. You two were close, and he loved you too. It’s okay to grieve that. Youneedto grieve that. But don’t you ever for a second think you’ve got nobody in your corner because, boy, I’vebeen cheering you on since the first time your momma showed me them baby blues.”
I was trembling from how hard I was trying to hold on to my composure, and it felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill. Dawn let go of my chin and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me down so my head was tucked under her chin like a small child. She patted my back with one hand when she positioned me how she wanted. “Now, you let it all out, honey. I ain’t going anywhere.”
I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face as well as I could in the side of her neck. The scent of baked goods, a soft floral perfume, freshly turned dirt, and the hint of whiskey wrapped around me like an extension of the hug she gave me. And the part of me that was cracking finally broke. Sobs wracked me, and it took everything to keep standing as I held on to the petite woman. She shushed me and rubbed her hand up and down my back as I cried.
I don’t know how long we stood there before the well ran dry. Dawn’s steady comfort and the back pats felt like they were piecing my mind back together, one shushing sound at a time.
Chapter Twenty Five
Victoria
I woke to warmth, a glance at the clock showed it was still the middle of the night.
Craig’s arms were still around me, his breath slow and steady against the back of my neck. For a moment, I let myself pretend everything was fine—like the afternoon hadn’t happened, like I wasn’t still wearing the weight of Candy’s blood under my skin. But the second I shifted, just enough to stretch, Craig stirred.
His hold tightened slightly. “You okay, Bunny?” His voice was rough with sleep, and somehow, that made it feel safer to answer honestly.
“I don’t know.”
I felt him press a kiss to my shoulder, the scruff of his jaw grazing my skin. “Talk to me.”
I turned in his arms, facing him. His eyes were already open, watching me in that quiet way of his that always made it feel like nothing I said would ever be too much.
“I don’t think Az is done being mad at me,” I admitted. “He hasn’t even looked at me since we got back.”
Craig’s thumb brushed against my hip under the blanket. “He was pissed, yeah. Scared too. You know how he gets when he’s scared.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Loud.”
He gave a small, grim smile. “Very.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “And Joey... he was just starting to come around again. Just starting to be Joey again, and now he’s furious that I’m gonna start training for real. Like I’ve betrayed him just by trying to belong.”
Craig sighed, pulling me close enough for my forehead to rest against his. “Joey’s working through his own mess. Doesn’t mean you don’t get to take up space in this.”
“What if taking up space means losing him?” My voice cracked a little at the end. I hated that it did.
My head whipped back in shock. “How–”
“My son may not have wanted to tell me everything, but I’m not stupid. I raised two mobsters, so I know enough. It didn’t take a genius to know he moved us all the way out hereaway from Sacona so we couldn’t be used against you boys. And you definitely don’t have to be the brightest to put two and two together when your child is telling you about a problem and a few days later there’s missing gangsters or bodies in the paper.” She reached out and patted me on the shoulder. “So, who messed up? My money is on Leighton. That boy has had impulse control issues as long as we’ve known him. I still have nightmares about Collin confetti.”
“Victoria, actually,” I answered, unsure I wanted to know what Collin confetti was about.
“Can’t say I saw that one coming.” She huffed, taking another sip of her drink. “Can’t say I’m mad about it either, though. You boys need a woman who has your back just the same as you have each other’s. She’s got the will, so tell me, Az, you gonna give her the way?”
I raked a hand through my hair with a groan. “Rich didn’t want this for her.Idon’t want this for her, but she’s not leaving me any choice.” I started pacing along the length of the table, my hand on the back of my neck. “I told her, I fuckingtoldher that we didn’t need her to be a sword for us, we could do that. We need her to be our peace! But she won’t listen!” I could feel my chest tighten as my mind started flashing with all the ways this could go wrong.
Dawn sipped her whiskey, watching me with a patient look as I paced, but didn’t say anything. I picked up my glass, downing the contents and relishing the burn on the way down.
“I keep feeling like if he were here, he’d know what to do or, or what to say. She fought him, yeah, but it was… it felt different. He would have known how to handle her. Fuck, how to handle all of this!” I set the glass down before I threw it. My chest was tight, my head hurt, and my eyes burned. “I wasn’t meant for this role! I was his right hand, his back up. I wasn’t meant tolead, and everything is falling apart around me and I don’t… I… I can’t make it stop.”
My words were starting to jumble in my head; the world was going blurry as tears filled my eyes despite my attempts to stop it.
“He said the same thing to me once,” Dawn’s voice was soft as she set her glass down, “After Richie and Victoria got into their little spat because of his stubbornness, he called me. He was heartbroken and ashamed of himself. But he believed he was doing the best thing for her. I remember how he sounded when he said he felt like everything was falling apart, slipping through his fingers, and he didn’t know how to catch it all. He was fighting with Joey, scared to death for all of you.” She sounded so distant as she recalled their conversation, and something inside me started to crack. “His shoulders weren’t made of steel, but he tried to carry it all anyway. I kept trying to tell him, that’s what God and your momma’s for.” She cleared her throat, looking at me. “The point is, don’t try to create an image in your mind that he would have had all the answers. He was only human, too, and he struggled. It’s okay to feel like you don’t know what to do next, struggle, or even be afraid.”
“I stillneedhim here.” I croaked out. “It’s not the same with the other guys. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s just not. Without him, I don’t have the one person I could go to when I needed my head sorted out. He had you, and I just… without him, I’ve got nothing.” I sobbed.
“Listen to me, Az Casadei.” Dawn said sternly, gripping my chin in her hand. “I know I ain’t your momma, God rest her soul, but you’re my son as much as the rest of them. I know you looked up to Rich and he helped you through some pretty dark days. You two were close, and he loved you too. It’s okay to grieve that. Youneedto grieve that. But don’t you ever for a second think you’ve got nobody in your corner because, boy, I’vebeen cheering you on since the first time your momma showed me them baby blues.”
I was trembling from how hard I was trying to hold on to my composure, and it felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill. Dawn let go of my chin and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me down so my head was tucked under her chin like a small child. She patted my back with one hand when she positioned me how she wanted. “Now, you let it all out, honey. I ain’t going anywhere.”
I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face as well as I could in the side of her neck. The scent of baked goods, a soft floral perfume, freshly turned dirt, and the hint of whiskey wrapped around me like an extension of the hug she gave me. And the part of me that was cracking finally broke. Sobs wracked me, and it took everything to keep standing as I held on to the petite woman. She shushed me and rubbed her hand up and down my back as I cried.
I don’t know how long we stood there before the well ran dry. Dawn’s steady comfort and the back pats felt like they were piecing my mind back together, one shushing sound at a time.
Chapter Twenty Five
Victoria
I woke to warmth, a glance at the clock showed it was still the middle of the night.
Craig’s arms were still around me, his breath slow and steady against the back of my neck. For a moment, I let myself pretend everything was fine—like the afternoon hadn’t happened, like I wasn’t still wearing the weight of Candy’s blood under my skin. But the second I shifted, just enough to stretch, Craig stirred.
His hold tightened slightly. “You okay, Bunny?” His voice was rough with sleep, and somehow, that made it feel safer to answer honestly.
“I don’t know.”
I felt him press a kiss to my shoulder, the scruff of his jaw grazing my skin. “Talk to me.”
I turned in his arms, facing him. His eyes were already open, watching me in that quiet way of his that always made it feel like nothing I said would ever be too much.
“I don’t think Az is done being mad at me,” I admitted. “He hasn’t even looked at me since we got back.”
Craig’s thumb brushed against my hip under the blanket. “He was pissed, yeah. Scared too. You know how he gets when he’s scared.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Loud.”
He gave a small, grim smile. “Very.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “And Joey... he was just starting to come around again. Just starting to be Joey again, and now he’s furious that I’m gonna start training for real. Like I’ve betrayed him just by trying to belong.”
Craig sighed, pulling me close enough for my forehead to rest against his. “Joey’s working through his own mess. Doesn’t mean you don’t get to take up space in this.”
“What if taking up space means losing him?” My voice cracked a little at the end. I hated that it did.
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