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“Bottling this up isn’t going to help you, Az. It’s going to eat at you and make it more difficult to function. We’ve always found a way to make time for family.” I offered, hoping he wouldn’t continue trying to hold the dam up with his bare hands.

“I’ll make sure to add it to my schedule, right between scheduling the jaws of life to pull Joey’s head out of his ass and taking out whoever is behind all this shit.” He huffed with a slight shake of his head. “I just need to focus on something I can actually do something about right now, so if you have anything like that up your sleeve after the meeting, I’m all ears.”

I considered his words for a moment, running my hand over my scalp while I tried to offer something productive. “Not… really. I mean, I did notice during the verbal reports that there’s been a suspiciously low amount of skirmishes with, well, pretty much anyone. We’re in a prime position for anyone to make a play for us, and no one is. And to make things even stranger, while we were on the call I checked the boards, and everything about us, about Victoria, about the free for all, all of it is gone from the message boards. It’s been scrubbed, not just deleted. It’s like… suddenly, we have no enemies. It makes no fucking sense.”

Chapter Eighteen

Victoria

I must have read the email a dozen times, but I couldn’t stop myself as I sat with the laptop I’d borrowed from Craig on the Innocenti’s couch.

Victoria,

I appreciate your concern for the center, but given your current circumstances, it’s probably best that you don’t return in any capacity for the foreseeable future. As you know, this place is meant to be a safe haven for South Sacona’s youth. Unfortunately, your connection to us has caused trouble to boil over here. I won’t go into details as I’ve handled it, but keeping your distance will help prevent more issues.

I am genuinely sorry to have to insist you stay away. You know that I’ve always adored and thought highly of you. You may not have been a kid from Southside, but you are still one of mine. Stay safe, child, and when this storm finally blows over, you give me a call.

With love,

Blithe McMillan

I couldn’t help but feel like the last good thing I had was just ripped from my hands in a single email. A feeling that only made me feel worse because I still had my men. I swatted at a tear that leaked over my lower eyelid just as Joey strolled into the room.

He looked exhausted. His hair was disheveled, and deep dark circles rimmed his eyes. He was even sporting the start of a beard, leaving me wondering when he’d shaved last. I let my eyes drink him in, noting the thick file folder he was clinging to as if it held the answer to all his woes. My fingers gripped the laptop screen as I fought the urge to go to him and try to erase the haunted look on his face. I never knew which version of Joey I would get these days. In rare instances, he was the man I’d fallen in love with. In the others, he was spiteful and cruel.

“Hey,” he said softly, his voice raw and scratchy.

“Hey,” my voice was barely above a whisper, afraid I’d startle him back into spewing venom.

Joey didn’t move, his gaze raking over me as he clutched the file tighter. I cautiously closed the laptop, set it on the coffee table in front of me, and stood. My eyes never left him, watching for any signs he was about to flee or turn hateful toward me. As if reading my thoughts, the side of his mouth quirked up and he shrugged one shoulder slightly.

“I’m so sorry, Joey,” I said finally as I stood rooted in place, unsure where else to start. “I wish I could fix this. I wish I could bring him back.”

Something I couldn’t decipher flashed in his eyes, and he cocked his head to the side, studying me. “You can’tfixthis, Victoria.” The pain in his voice stole the breath from my lungs. “I lost my brother, my family is cracking at the seams, and all I have left is a gaping fucking wound that can’t heal.”

“Joey,” my lip trembled and tears pooled in my eyes. “I know… I feel it too.”

“No!” He shouted, causing me to flinch. “You’re not fucking getting it. I don’t feelanythingexcept this gaping fucking hole where my brother is supposed to be. I’m drowning and all I want is to feel something, anything other than this.”

“I wish I knew how to help.”

“You want to help, Victoria? You want to makethisbetter?” He snarled.

“Yes, whatever you need, Joey. I’m here.” I replied softly.

“Then make me feel something. Drop to your fucking knees and crawl to me and make mefeel.”

“I don’t think–”

“Don’t ask me what I need and then tell me I’m wrong.” Joey scoffed.

I raised my hands to placate him. “If this is what you need, I will do it for you, but I’m not sure this is the sort of thing you want to risk your parents walking in on.” I said.

“They’re not here. Neither are the guys, except Craig, who was passed out in his room last I checked.” Joey replied a challenge in his eyes.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” I asked, still unsure which version of the man I was dealing with stood before me.

“I’m sure,” He answered, his voice slipping into the same tone he’d used when he chased me through the woods. “Crawl to me.”