Page 240

I pad through to my bathroom to freshen up before grabbing a hoodie from my closet and heading to the kitchen for coffee.
With a bit of luck, it’ll help bring me back to life.
Despite the sun already being high in the sky, illuminating the city in a beautiful warm glow, I don’t really see it.
Everything is gray and muted.
I start the coffee machine and jump up on the counter as I wait for it.
Was coming back here a huge mistake?
Maybe I should start over.
I never figured out how that would look. My notebook still sits mostly empty. But maybe it was the best option.
I don’t move from the counter. Instead, I sit there with the cold from the granite top working through my body.
It’s not until I’ve made my second cup that I finally hop down. After locating my notebook of ideas that I’d left to fester in my suitcase, I curl back up on the couch and stare down at the page.
I can’t help but laugh.
The ideas I wrote down are ridiculous.
Flipping the page, I find my pros and cons list for coming back or staying in St. Louis.
I scan down the list.
Right now, St. Louis is tempting.
A nice quiet and empty house. No pressure of work. No hustle and bustle of the city.
No Kieran…
Even with all of this up in the air, could I really live anywhere without him?
No matter what happens between us, he’ll forever be my person.
Lifting my hand to wipe a tear away, I stare out at the stadium.
This place will forever be his home. And that means, it needs to be mine.
I can’t leave him.
No matter how vile the words are he says to me. No matter how hard things get or how badly my heart hurts.
I just can’t do it.
The sound of my buzzer rips through the air and I startle.
My heart jumps into my throat, and for hopeful seconds, I think he’s come back.
Placing my empty mug on the coffee table, I race toward the console at the front door that will allow me to hear his voice.
My hand trembles as I press the button.
“Hello?” I say in a rush, desperate to hear his voice.
Please, please be him.