Page 196

Lifting my beer bottle, I down what’s left before throwing it in the trash and reaching for another.
“The fuck are you talking about?” I bark, far from understanding his cryptic bullshit.
“You want her,” he states simply.
“I don’t. I’m not interested in a relationship. I want my best friend back.”
“That might be what you think you want, but I suspect you’re lying to yourself.”
“And I suspect that you’re in interfering asshole, but what are we going to do about it?”
47
EFFIE
The rest of the week passes in a blur of meetings and conference calls. I’m chasing my tail having been away for so long, and I don’t like it.
I used to be on top of everything, know everyone and how they were helping KC Foundation. But right now, I feel like I’m swimming upstream and getting absolutely nowhere.
Jasmine has done a great job, there’s no doubt about that. But without her, it’s hard to figure everything out.
I haven’t been to see her yet; I’m not sure I’m ready to visit a hospital. I know that Grams was only ever in one for appointments, she was lucky really, but still, it’s going to bring it all back.
I tell myself that she’s got her family and friends around her, and that she doesn’t need to be reminded of work, or the fact I’ve been dragged off sabbatical because she’s in the hospital.
Shaking my head, I refuse to focus on those thoughts. They’re not helpful.
I’m trying really hard to fight through all the hardship.
Like the fact that all I want to do is pick up the phone and call the two most important people in my life.
But I can’t.
Neither will answer.
For very different reasons, of course, but it’s the same outcome.
I curl my legs beneath me as I lower my ass to the couch and stare out at the sunset with a mug of hot chocolate in my hands.
Chicago really is a beautiful city. Just like the day I returned, I feel like I’ve come home. There is just one massive thing missing.
Since I sent Kieran away, I haven’t heard a single thing from him.
His daily messages have stopped, adding to the grief I’m already battling.
I know that I’m the one who sent him away. This is my fault. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
The only thing that makes me forget is dancing.
I’m so glad I took a chance on that class.
And Thursday was even better. I wasn’t blindsided by my new partner; I wasn’t scared of putting myself out there and trying something new. I was able to just embrace it.
Now, I can’t wait until Monday night. Something tells me that those two hours of my week are going to be my favorite.
I glance at the clock. Seven p.m. on a Saturday night.
It’s not unusual for me to be home at this time. I’m not exactly a party animal. Kieran is the social butterfly of our friendship, especially in the off-season. He manages to find a party or an event to attend almost every night of the week. It’s how he picks up women—not that he has to try very hard.