Page 33
Story: Between the Stars
Her eyes finally meet mine and they crush me. “What makes you think that?”
I stare at the sky. “I know you. I’ve had my tongue on your clit. Pretty sure I know your flushed pissed-off look well.”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks and it’s like a knife to my chest.
With a deep sigh, I snap out of my feel fucking sorry for me mood and move closer to her and trap her against the side of the tub. Water spills out over the edge, chlorine burning my eyes with the bubbling between us. “Don’t you know those are two words you never have to say to me.”
“But I should. Because I am.”
“Sorry we did it” I pause and search her eyes for regret. It’s there, but she’s withholding. I’m not sure how much is regret and how much is disappointment she wasn’t stronger to resist. “or sorry that you’re going back to him?”
Her eyes well with tears immediately and the muscles in her throat tighten as she swallows. “Both.”
My heart thumps in my chest, harder than before. I knew what this was, but it doesn’t make it any easier to handle. “I won’t say anything.”
She faces me, tears falling. “I didn’t say I regretted it.”
Her expression is familiar. We’ve been here so many times before. “You don’t have to. I can see it on your face.”
When her hands find my face, I remember her touch last night. The eagerness, the impulsive need to be with one another. It’s still there now, but I can tell reality has seeped in. I close my eyes and wait for the punch to my heart. “Doesn’t mean I regret it,” she adds, “but this just threw a big wrench in my plans, Jace.” Her voice breaks and I open my eyes. She’s crying. “I came here thinking one thing, and now this… I don’t know what to think.”
I sigh and back away from her to sit on the other side. I try to breathe in, but it hurts. “We never do.”
“You’re right. We don’t,” she agrees, wiping away her tears.
“If you leave me again, don’t come back,” I warn. “Don’t answer my calls, and forget me.”
“Why?” She actually sounds shocked. “What are you talking about?”
“Whatever this is with us. It’s over if you leave.” I narrow my eyes on hers. Her face is etched in pain, but it doesn’t deter me from my next set of words. “I’m done. I won’t do this with you anymore. I can’t… be second any longer.”
Desperation panics her expression. She swallows quickly, her facial features rattled. She moves toward me and straddles my lap. I let her, but I don’t touch her. “You’ve never been second, Jace. I chose you. Don’t you remember? I fucking begged you to choose me back, and you didn’t. You won’t.”
Never been second? I don’t know if that’s true. And I know for a fucking fact it’s true now. I’m always left trying to find myself in the pieces she leaves me in.
Her voice shakes when she says, “You could have stopped me then and we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
Tears sting my throat because she’s absolutely right. She begged me and I did nothing to stop her. This is my chance, and if she doesn’t choose me back, it’s over. I won’t do it again. I won’t put my heart through this anymore. I’m a mess without her and these last twelve hours have been the best of two fucking years.
Breathing heavily, I hold her face in my hands again. “I am now.”
She blinks away tears, her chin shaking. “Why now?”
“I don’t know.” There’s truth in my response. I don’t know but I sound desperate, and I hate it. I fucking despise this emotion because it’s never gotten me anywhere. The weight of her empty reply reminds me I’m trapped between dusk and dawn, another goodbye haunting me. “But how can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me?”
She can’t. She won’t.
I’m here waiting, but she doesn’t wear wild on her heart like I’d hoped for. She holds forever between her lips, and I wish… I wish I could give her what she deserves.
I remember her dad’s words to me when she was leaving for college.
“If you love her as much as I think you do, you know that she doesn’t belong here.”
I played it cool, never one to give away intention. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at her, and she looks at you. There’s still a pull there and I need you to let it go, because she’s not strong enough to do it.”
The roles are reversed now. I’m not strong enough to let her go, and she’s too weak to choose me.
I stare at the sky. “I know you. I’ve had my tongue on your clit. Pretty sure I know your flushed pissed-off look well.”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks and it’s like a knife to my chest.
With a deep sigh, I snap out of my feel fucking sorry for me mood and move closer to her and trap her against the side of the tub. Water spills out over the edge, chlorine burning my eyes with the bubbling between us. “Don’t you know those are two words you never have to say to me.”
“But I should. Because I am.”
“Sorry we did it” I pause and search her eyes for regret. It’s there, but she’s withholding. I’m not sure how much is regret and how much is disappointment she wasn’t stronger to resist. “or sorry that you’re going back to him?”
Her eyes well with tears immediately and the muscles in her throat tighten as she swallows. “Both.”
My heart thumps in my chest, harder than before. I knew what this was, but it doesn’t make it any easier to handle. “I won’t say anything.”
She faces me, tears falling. “I didn’t say I regretted it.”
Her expression is familiar. We’ve been here so many times before. “You don’t have to. I can see it on your face.”
When her hands find my face, I remember her touch last night. The eagerness, the impulsive need to be with one another. It’s still there now, but I can tell reality has seeped in. I close my eyes and wait for the punch to my heart. “Doesn’t mean I regret it,” she adds, “but this just threw a big wrench in my plans, Jace.” Her voice breaks and I open my eyes. She’s crying. “I came here thinking one thing, and now this… I don’t know what to think.”
I sigh and back away from her to sit on the other side. I try to breathe in, but it hurts. “We never do.”
“You’re right. We don’t,” she agrees, wiping away her tears.
“If you leave me again, don’t come back,” I warn. “Don’t answer my calls, and forget me.”
“Why?” She actually sounds shocked. “What are you talking about?”
“Whatever this is with us. It’s over if you leave.” I narrow my eyes on hers. Her face is etched in pain, but it doesn’t deter me from my next set of words. “I’m done. I won’t do this with you anymore. I can’t… be second any longer.”
Desperation panics her expression. She swallows quickly, her facial features rattled. She moves toward me and straddles my lap. I let her, but I don’t touch her. “You’ve never been second, Jace. I chose you. Don’t you remember? I fucking begged you to choose me back, and you didn’t. You won’t.”
Never been second? I don’t know if that’s true. And I know for a fucking fact it’s true now. I’m always left trying to find myself in the pieces she leaves me in.
Her voice shakes when she says, “You could have stopped me then and we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
Tears sting my throat because she’s absolutely right. She begged me and I did nothing to stop her. This is my chance, and if she doesn’t choose me back, it’s over. I won’t do it again. I won’t put my heart through this anymore. I’m a mess without her and these last twelve hours have been the best of two fucking years.
Breathing heavily, I hold her face in my hands again. “I am now.”
She blinks away tears, her chin shaking. “Why now?”
“I don’t know.” There’s truth in my response. I don’t know but I sound desperate, and I hate it. I fucking despise this emotion because it’s never gotten me anywhere. The weight of her empty reply reminds me I’m trapped between dusk and dawn, another goodbye haunting me. “But how can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me?”
She can’t. She won’t.
I’m here waiting, but she doesn’t wear wild on her heart like I’d hoped for. She holds forever between her lips, and I wish… I wish I could give her what she deserves.
I remember her dad’s words to me when she was leaving for college.
“If you love her as much as I think you do, you know that she doesn’t belong here.”
I played it cool, never one to give away intention. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at her, and she looks at you. There’s still a pull there and I need you to let it go, because she’s not strong enough to do it.”
The roles are reversed now. I’m not strong enough to let her go, and she’s too weak to choose me.
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