Page 46 of You Make It Feel like Christmas

I T WAS OVER AN hour until game time but there was still an electric energy emanating from the gray cinderblock walls as a security guard led them down a hall. Lexi was at her side. Will and Ethan were behind them arguing over some player’s stats.

“You good?” Lexi asked quietly.

“Just nervous. I don’t know why. Is it possible to be nervous on someone else’s behalf?”

“Absolutely,” Will said behind them. “Lexi brought the dessert tray in from the kitchen last night and I was anxious for her. And the rest of us.”

“Hey,” Lexi said around their laughter. “I was just fine, thank you.”

“Every now and again she offers to serve something at Side Tap and there’s a chorus of nos,” Ethan teased.

“You’re all mean,” Lexi said, a smile in her voice. She was always the first to admit to her poor waitressing skills.

They all laughed, the sounds echoing above the speaker system playing music.

The security guard, a tall, stoic guy with a ball cap pulled low on his head, gestured to a room. “Visitors’ room.”

With that, he left them to wander in on their own.

The room was huge and as Nick had told her, there was food set up buffet-style along one wall.

Taking it in quickly, she saw a small kitchen, a couple of restrooms, a variety of seating, and some TVs which seemed weird, since there was also a wall of windows overlooking the ice.

Ethan and Will talked to others, both of them easily adaptable to all social situations. Lexi stayed at Maisie’s side as she walked over to look at the ice.

She wanted to share all of the things making her hands shaky but they weren’t really hers to tell. Would he get on the ice? Would he be okay?

“You’re really stressed,” Lexi said quietly, her side pressed to Maisie’s.

“It’s his first game back. I just want it to go well.”

Lexi leaned her head on Maisie’s shoulder, linked their pinkies together, and tears threatened.

Maisie was so grateful for everyone she had.

Her parents weren’t always what she wanted, but they were there.

Who did Nick have? She knew he and Ellie were close but she also knew, being a younger sister, he shielded her from some things to protect her.

Maisie wanted to be Nick’s person, but the closer it came to him needing to go back to his real life, the more she wondered where she’d fit.

If she’d fit. Would he miss birthdays and Christmases like her dad did?

“He’s just as into you as you are to him,” Lexi said, lifting her head.

Maisie turned hers to look at her friend. “Of course. He’d be a fool not to be, right?”

Lexi held her gaze long enough for her to know that her bestie saw right through her bravado.

More people trickled in, some of them wearing Guardians jerseys.

Since she didn’t follow sports beyond the obvious Taylor and Travis phenomenon, Maisie didn’t recognize any of the people, didn’t know if there were players’ wives and girlfriends here.

“Have you thought about going to a game in California?” Will asked, coming up to them, putting an arm around Lexi’s shoulders as Ethan stood next to Maisie.

“Not really. Trying to go one day at a time.” A Zamboni emerged onto the ice from one of the tunnels.

There was no way she’d admit that she listened to Hockey for Dummies on two times speed and that was the only reason she knew what that machine was called.

She’d never really been into sports besides the ones she played in gym glass growing up.

Photography had always been her thing. She’d loved it since she was little.

Even now, she saw how excited people were about watching the actual game and all Maisie could think about was Nick.

What was he doing right this minute? Did he get his uniform on? Was he okay?

Will leaned in front of Lexi to look at Maisie. “Congratulations on the gallery showing.”

Her smile came easily. “Thank you. I’m very excited.

I didn’t realize I wanted to explore this avenue as much as I did until she asked.

” She had an idea for a new series of photographs that would focus on finding the beauty in the broken.

She’d gotten the idea when she spotted a wildflower growing through a crack in the cement and it pulled at her heart strings.

Ethan nudged her shoulder. “Big-time gallery showings, dating a hockey player. Our girl is going to leave us in the dust.”

Glancing at Ethan, she rolled her eyes and smiled. “As if. I love Seattle. It’s my home.”

“Have you talked to Nick about that?” Lexi asked.

Maisie’s gut clenched. “No. Not yet. He needs to get through tonight, get back on the ice, and then we’ll figure things out.

” She had to believe they’d figure things out because she’d never felt for anyone what she did for him.

Only she would fall in love with her one-night stand. Worst one-night-stander ever.

“Let’s grab some food before everyone else eats it all,” Ethan said, stepping away.

“Don’t worry,” a curvy redhead with pretty freckles across the bridge of her nose said to Ethan with an extra-wide smile. “They keep filling it.”

“This might be my favorite place,” Ethan said, walking with the woman toward the buffet table.

“That took a solid ten minutes for him to meet someone,” Maisie said under her breath, making Will and Lexi laugh.

They got to people watch as the stands filled and even though they were somewhat removed, Maisie could still feel the excitement and energy building.

More people crowded into the room, including some pretty boisterous guys decked out in Guardians swag—jerseys, hats, foam fingers.

Though there was a daycare next to this room with licensed sitters, several kids were weaving in and out of the adults, hyped up as people enjoyed drinks and food.

There was an undertone of unity, camaraderie, all of them there for the same reason.

She wished Colton and Jake were here. And Ellie and Asher for Nick.

When the teams started to make their way onto the ice, things really ramped up and Maisie wasn’t sure if she was excited or just nauseous.

Watching the Guardians leave the tunnel, she waited for Nick, hands clasped to her chest, her heart rate close to frantic, wanting to see him come onto the ice, wanting to cheer him on even if he couldn’t see or hear her.

When she didn’t see him, she turned to the TV to look at the Guardians’ bench.

“What number is he again?” Lexi asked.

“Thirty-three.” She hooked her thumb over her shoulder and turned to show her the back of the jersey. “He’s not out there.” Her heart muscles tightened painfully. Where was he?

“Is there a Ms. Smart here?” a man asked from the doorway, his accented voice rising above the crowd. He wore the same security uniform the person who escorted them in had worn.

“That’s me,” Maisie said, her voice higher than normal, sort of like her heartrate.

She walked over to the guy who leaned in for privacy. “Mr. King wants a word.”

A word? His game was starting. Her heart sank all the way down into her stomach.

He couldn’t go out; he was panicking. She nodded, followed the security guard without replying, her fingers locking together so she didn’t fidget.

He led her down one hallway, then another, turned a corner, and stopped under a sign that said V ISITORS .

He gestured to the two opaque glass doors. “You can go in.”

With shaky hands, she pulled one of the doors open.

There was a rounded, fogged, plexiglass room divider that could be accessed on both sides, so Maisie went to the right, walking into an open, musty-smelling locker room.

Nick sat on one of the benches in front of a row of lockers.

Even with the worry scratching along every inch of her skin, she sucked in a breath at the sight of him in his gear.

His shoulders looked bigger in his dark jersey.

His skates were tied, which she thought might be a good sign.

He didn’t have his helmet on so when he lifted his head, his eyes locked on hers, pulling her like a magnet, unstoppable, directly to him.

She reached out, watching his eyes, which looked uncertain.

Maisie ran a hand through his hair, down his face, cupped his jaw, the scruff of his beard soft in her palm.

He closed his eyes, leaned into her touch and her heart nearly burst with love and affection; with the need to make things right for this man.

“What is it, honey?” she whispered the words even though it was just the two of them in here.

Nick’s hands came up to clutch her waist, pull her closer. He opened his eyes, looking at her like he wasn’t sure she was real. “What if I can’t go out there?” His voice was gravelly and rolled over her skin.

“That’s okay.” She ran her fingers through his hair again.

“It’s not,” he argued, his tone harsh.

With both hands, Maisie cupped his cheeks like he did to her when he really wanted to see her. To make sure she saw him . “Why not?”

He stared at her like he didn’t understand the question. “What’s wrong with me, Maze? I want to be here. I want to be on the ice. That’s my team. My heart feels like it’s going to explode.”

“Nothing is wrong with you, Nick. Nothing at all. If that’s where you want to be, we’ll get you there. Just breathe. Focus on your breathing, on where you are right this second. What do you see? Forget the ice right now. Forget everything. Just breathe.”

He curled his arms around her and in a gesture that pushed her the rest of the way over the so-in-love-with-him cliff, he buried his face in her midriff, his arms closing like a vise at her back.

Maisie held the back of his head with one hand and rubbed his shoulders with the other.

She kept her own breathing steady; deep inhales, deep exhales.

Their breathing synced but they stayed there.

It was probably only for seconds but it felt like more, and soon, his arms loosened.

He looked back up at her. Maisie smoothed his brows with her thumbs, leaned down and kissed his forehead, then pulled back.

“Whether you go out there or not, it won’t change who you are,” she told him.

“It is who I am. Or it has been.” He sounded so hurt by his own words.

“First, it’s not who you are. It’s what you do . You can love what you do, but it’s not all that you are. We’ve talked about this. And even if it was who you were to your very core, people can change and shift and grow. It doesn’t have to be all you ever are. What are you scared of?”

It surprised her to see his eyes dampen, made her heart clutch in her chest. “This is my last game,” he whispered.

“What?” She shook her head, certain she hadn’t heard him right.

He held her tighter. “I’m retiring. I’ve been thinking about it and wanted to tell you but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, and then last night, after talking to you, Coach came to my room and I just knew. I’m done. My career is over.”

Oh God. Her heart beat so fast she felt it in her ears.

Putting both hands on his shoulders, she told herself that if she wanted him to be brave, she had to show him it was okay to be vulnerable no matter how terrifying it felt.

“You’re not done. Not yet. You’re here, you’re dressed, and you’re ready.

And you’re not alone. Whether you get on that ice tonight or not.

If you get hurt, I’ll be at your side. You can’t fail because you tried and that’s the only thing that matters.

You went on the ice yesterday. Instant win.

You are a strong and wonderful man who carries way too much on his shoulders.

You should know better than anyone that relying on your team makes you stronger.

I’m on your team, Nick. So are Lexi, Will, Ethan.

Colt, Jacob, Ellie, and Asher. You are one of Asher’s two most favorite people in the world and all you have to do is exist for that to be true.

Would you want him to put this kind of pressure on himself?

Play. Don’t play. I don’t care. How I feel about you has nothing to do with your career.

I love you . Your heart and your mind, your laugh and the way you look at me.

Whether you’re sitting here unsure if you can move forward, first thing in the morning when you’re barely awake but willing to go get me coffee, last thing at night when your arms squeeze me right before you fall asleep like you want to reassure yourself I’m still there.

Not one of the many reasons I love you has anything to do with you playing hockey.

So, you’re not done. You’re just getting started and get to choose your path.

You’re not only enough, you’re everything. ”

She pressed her lips to his, ignoring the stunned look on his face.

His gaze wasn’t hollow now. She pulled back, knowing he had to do the rest by himself.

Maisie walked away knowing she’d just cut herself open and exposed everything.

But she’d done it willingly, happily. Because that’s what you did when you loved someone; you gave them your strength when theirs was shaky.

Gave them your faith when they’d lost their own.

And promised to stand by them, no matter what.

Now, she just had to see where they landed.