Page 33 of You Make It Feel like Christmas

Her mom squeezed her hand again. “I think you’ll understand me better if you ever find anyone and if you get married, certainly if you have children.” She tucked Maisie’s hair behind her ear while Maisie was trying to process the words.

“What?” She looked at her mom. Had she just heard all of those ifs?

“You can’t help yourself. You want the best for your children no matter how old they are.

I know your choices are yours, sweetie, but you can’t deny that you back away from pushing yourself too hard.

You could be so much more. You could be absolutely anything.

I don’t want you to limit yourself and so I’m hard on you, hoping you see the potential in yourself that I do. ”

Maisie pulled her hand away, sucking in a tight breath, unable to fill her lungs all the way. She stood up, walked to the other side of the room, and leaned against the pale pine dresser.

“I’m just curious, Mom; exactly what would count as reaching my potential in your eyes?

Is it being recognized as one of the best in the field?

Winning awards? Being asked to work with icons in the industry?

Having a choice of opportunities? Being able to pick a path and succeed at it?

Because I’ve done all of those things. I’m not a doctor or a vet or a lawyer and I didn’t go to school for fifteen years.

But I’ve done all of those things. Because, like you and Dad, Nat, and Jake, I love what I do.

I’m passionate about it. It hasn’t been a straight and easy path but I’m able to do what I want because I’m good at it . ”

“Maisie, there’s no reason to get upset. I wanted to clear the air with you. Your father and I are considering moving closer to your sister. With the baby coming, we don’t want to miss out and I don’t want tension between us all the time.”

“You… you’re moving to Seattle?”

Her mom stood, straightened her pressed, linen pants. “As I said, we don’t want to miss out. Who knows how many grandchildren we’ll be lucky enough to have.”

Maisie let out a completely humorless laugh. “Right. Because Nat might be your only chance?”

Anger flashed in her mom’s features. “Of course not. Your brother and Colton are thinking of adopting. And while it’s theirs to share, I might as well tell you, they’re also considering relocating to be closer. This Christmas mattered to all of us, Maisie. None of us are getting any younger.”

Tears burned behind Maisie’s eyelids. Once again, everyone was doing something with their lives; something big and important and Maisie was the only Smart standing still.

Doing nothing but taking photos and falling for a guy who had a very big life to get back to; one that was far away from Seattle.

“Excellent. We’ll be one, big, happy family. And then if Colt and Jake adopt, you’ll have more grandkids. That’s good to know since you can’t count on me for much.”

Her mom threw her arms up in the air. “You’re so dramatic.”

“What’s going on?” Jake asked as he and Nat came into her room.

“Nothing,” Maisie said, moving around the room to gather the rest of her stuff.

“Mom was just filling me in on everyone’s life plan.

Jake, you and Colt are thinking of adopting?

Congratulations. Thanks for sharing. Nat, you must be happy Mom and Dad are moving just to be closer to you.

You two have really outdone yourself, with your jobs and your babies and your amazing relationships.

Sure takes the heat off me to actually do anything that makes her proud. ”

“Maisie,” her mother hissed.

“What’s going on?” Her dad’s words echoed Jake’s as he joined them.

Maisie yanked open the bathroom door and made quick work of gathering her toiletries, listening to them all talking over one another a few feet away.

When she came out, makeup bag in hand, her dad stepped in front of her, put his hands on her arms. “Maisie, slow down. Let’s chat.”

She laughed, shoved her makeup bag in the suitcase, closed it, zipped it up.

“I don’t want to. I really don’t.” She yanked the bag up to standing.

“I love all of you. This has been the best Christmas I’ll likely ever have for so many reasons.

I need to go. I need to say goodbye to Ellie and Asher and go home before I make things worse. ”

“What about Nick?” Colt asked quietly, coming into the room.

Maisie met his gaze. “Trust me, he’ll understand if I don’t say goodbye.” It was a cutting, unfair remark that she regretted and was just glad he didn’t hear. But there was no way she could say goodbye to him. Especially not in this moment.

“This is absolutely ridiculous.” Maisie’s mother tried to grab the handle of her suitcase but her dad stopped her.

“Jacob, help your sister with her luggage. If you’re going to leave, you’ll hug us, say goodbye properly, and call us when you’ve calmed down,” her dad said.

So she did. She hugged each of them, managed not to cry when her dad told her everything would be okay. She was too old to believe him when he said that now.

Jake took her luggage to the car. Colt walked her downstairs into the kitchen where Ellie was making a sandwich.

“Hey. Did Jake just take your stuff out?”

“I need to go,” Maisie whispered.

Ellie looked at her, then Colt, then back to Maisie. “Nick took Asher for a walk in the snow.”

Maisie swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Can you please say goodbye to both of them for me?”

Ellie wiped her hands on a cloth and walked to her, pulling her into a hard hug.

“I hate that you’re leaving like this,” she whispered in her ear.

“But I can see you need to. I’ve been there.

For different reasons but I get it.” She pulled back, stared at Maisie.

“It’s not my business but I want to tell you, Nick doesn’t let many people get close and I’ve never seen him smile the way he does when he’s with you.

I’ll tell him you said goodbye but I hope that’s not it for you guys. ”

Her words were like a serrated knife to the heart. Was that what she was really running from? Her own fears that this was it for them? That, like Maisie in her mother’s eyes, there would never be more?

Maisie’s brain was clouded, her eyes stinging with tears. Quickly, she grabbed a pen from a little cup on the counter to scrawl her address and phone number on a scrap of paper.

She handed it to Ellie. She didn’t even know if it was for her or for Nick but she couldn’t think about it right now. He’d know where to find her and if he didn’t want to, she’d survive. And she’d have an amazing night to think back on and hang on to when the loneliness crept in.

Getting in her Jeep, she didn’t let it warm all the way before backing out of the driveway. She didn’t expect the loneliness to suffocate her by the time she reached the end of Ellie’s road.

But it did.