Page 6

6. Charlie :

(Once more unto the breach … or something like that)

Brooks:

Why is there a picture of you on my sister’s Instagram?

Brooks:

Why are you kissing her?

Brooks:

Is this the hot girl Bitters was talking about seeing you with last night?

Brooks:

My sister?

Brooks:

You’ve got some explaining to do.

I ignored the messages coming thick and fast, slipping my phone back into my pocket as the church bells chimed the quarter hour, ringing like an albatross around my neck.

Each step I took towards the entrance of Radcliffe became heavier and heavier.

By the time I reached the fountain – throwing out a silent prayer that in an hour Violet would be waiting – I was convinced I was squelching through mud. Everyone else was rushing past me, yet I was having difficulty putting one foot in front of the other.

I stopped and sat down on the edge of the fountain without thinking, only to immediately shoot back up when I realized it was wet. Even the temporary distraction of drying off the damp patch from my jeans didn’t help the dread which had been festering since I’d woken up.

The cloudless blue skies were doing nothing for me.

I was also trying not to be overly dramatic, but as I stared up at the pale cream brick of the building I may as well have been clipping in the starting blocks of the longest, hardest gauntlet.

I didn’t even want to get it over with.

I was quite content standing here, waiting for my jeans to dry. Or better yet, going home and back to bed so I could squeeze in a nap before training later.

The devil on my shoulder was telling me to do exactly that.

The guy on the other side was saying it wouldn’t be as bad as I expected.

At least that raised a smile. It would absolutely be as bad as I expected. Worse most likely.

Either way, at some point I would be walking through the doors I was currently staring at, and I would be in a room with Evie Waters.

The only thing which had me moving again was the realization that I was eating into the early start I’d had. There was a reason I was arriving fifteen minutes before class began, and it would all be for nothing if I didn’t get inside in the next sixty seconds.

One foot in front of the other and all that.

I was still so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the person exiting as I reached the doors, only seeing the glum outline of my reflection. The next thing I knew, I’d succeeded in knocking them plus all their books to the floor.

‘Sorry mate,’ I muttered, grabbing the books as quickly as I possibly could, and pulling the guy to his feet. Though looking at him, skinny arms now laden with the pile I’d stacked in them, it was debatable whether I’d knocked him over or if he’d just toppled.

Whatever happened, it seemed to have ignited the sense of urgency I’d been missing all morning.

‘Sorry again,’ I called behind me and sprinted for the staircase, taking the steps to the first floor two at a time.

For the next eight weeks, ten of us would spend an hour every Thursday discussing themes within the Philosophy of Physics, and writing up summary papers. I already knew Professor Rivers was going to split us into groups, but there was absolutely no way any group I was in would also include Evie.

No way. None.

Therefore, I’d spent last night devising a strategy to ensure it didn’t happen under any circumstances.

I’d taken Rivers’ classes before, and I knew he held a more laissez-faire attitude to the way he taught. Students took responsibility for themselves. While he might tell the room to divide into two, the actual organization of each group would be down to us. I couldn’t risk leaving it to chance which would no doubt descend into a jumbled rush of deciding on the spot so I took the initiative to do it ahead of time.

It was brilliant, if I do say so myself.

The only downside was the way I’d had to split the group so Rivers wouldn’t suspect an ulterior motive. Rivers or anyone else. I hadn’t reached the top step of the first floor before Gordon Cherriot spotted me. His hand shot in the air with a wide wave.

‘Charlie. Charlie. Over here.’

I stopped walking for a fraction of a second, reminding myself I had bigger things at stake, and they’d come with a cost. Gordon was the price I had to pay.

Oxford University was teeming with nerds. There was one around every corner. Hell, I was one – or would be if I didn’t have a life outside the physics department. But Gordon Cherriot was in a nerd league of his own. Easily the biggest in the entire university.

He had no competition.

I didn’t even know where his IQ stood, somewhere in the 170s probably. He’d be walking away with a first come the summer, no doubt about it. And that wasn’t the most impressive thing about him – because Gordon Cherriot was only sixteen.

A child prodigy, a chess Grand Master – he’d taken his A-levels before his thirteenth birthday and arrived at Oxford the following September. There was a rumour on the grapevine that if Oxford hadn’t insisted he kept to his academic schedule he’d have taken both his first- and second-year courses concurrently.

But the downside to Gordon – he didn’t play well with others.

I’d known him since the first term at Oxford when we’d been in the same quantum mechanics class. I personally found him harmless, and kind of amusing. But I’d also learned to tune out most of what he said. I tried to remember he was a kid who’d never really had the chance to be a kid, and as someone who knew what it was like to have their intellectual capacity make them stand out, I mostly cut him some slack.

To nearly everyone else, he was self-important, smug and borderline intolerable. It was hard to see him as a sixteen-year-old when he was constantly telling you why you were wrong. And how wrong you were. He excelled at it almost as much as he excelled at Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. And it wasn’t exclusive to students. More than once he’d told our professors they were wrong, although that did usually raise a smile from everyone else in the class.

Luckily, even in our small group, I’d managed to weed out enough people who Gordon hadn’t completely alienated, and therefore found him tolerable enough to be around; or at least tolerable enough for me to plead to their sensibility and desire for an overall first grade. Plus, I knew Evie well enough that she would take one look at Gordon and dismiss him as not worth her time.

I eased off my backpack and dropped it on the ground near his feet. ‘Hi mate. How are you today? Rivers here yet?’

He frowned and pushed his glasses up. The ones forever sliding off his nose. ‘Yes, of course he’s here.’

‘Did you talk to him?’

‘He’s in a class, Charlie. I’m not interrupting.’

I nodded, stupid question. ‘Anyone else from our group here?’

‘Laura will be here in five minutes, but she’s always late. David went to check on his timetable. It’s fine, it gives me a minute to talk to you.’

My eyes glanced up and down the hallway before focusing back on Gordon. ‘Talk to me? About what?’

He took a step towards me, just veering outside of my personal boundary but enough to make me realize he meant business.

He pushed his glasses up again, ‘About our class, Charlie. I’ve been thinking, we should probably meet three times a week. I have outside study sessions, but none with a group like this where we’re all responsible for everyone’s grade. So, I’m willing to focus on this group, because while I don’t have any doubt you’ll work as hard as me, I do worry about the others so we may need to carry them.’

I stopped concentrating on who might be approaching from either end of the corridors and looked at him. This was one of those times when I’d tuned him out without realizing. ‘Sorry what?’

‘I checked everyone’s grades from last term and Laura didn’t come away with an overall first, so she’ll need some help …’ he continued like I was following every word, but I was still wondering if I’d heard correctly that he wanted to meet three times a week.

‘We should set up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday revision sessions.’

Yep. I definitely heard correctly.

‘Gordy …’ I stopped. He hated being called Gordy. He’d told me many many times. But honestly it suited him way better than Gordon. No one likes a Gordon … anyway. ‘Gordon, mate, I think it’s a good idea, I really do. But I can’t commit to three days a week with Boat Race training on top.’

Gordon’s eyes widened for a nanosecond before his nostrils flared from a deep breath, but he was not to be deterred. It was one of the reasons people found him so insufferable. I’d decided it was an effective strategy to get you what you wanted. ‘What about Mondays? Can you commit to Mondays?’

‘It would depend on the time.’ I dropped a hand on his shoulder, my eyes once more quickly flicking around us, before shooting back to Gordon again. ‘You should hold the session, I’ll come when I can.’

His mouth opened to say something when Laura Foster, a student from Oriel College, appeared at the top of the stairs.

‘Hey guys,’ she smiled, dropping her bag next to mine with a much louder thud. ‘Where is everyone?’

‘Miraculously, you’re one of the first to arrive,’ replied Gordon with absolutely no hesitation or embarrassment.

‘Must have been the seventeen thousand alerts you sent me not to be late.’ Her grin widened, and even though Gordon harrumphed, it was impossible for him to argue when Laura was looking at him with genuine amusement, her freckles crinkling along her nose as it scrunched.

I was too distracted to find it amusing. According to my watch and the way the corridor was beginning to fill with students waiting for their next class, we had five minutes to go. Curls of anxiety twisted around my veins, and I was almost tempted to go and hide in the loo.

‘I have to say, Charlie, this was a great idea of yours. It’ll save on so much time with everyone faffing about during class.’

Once again I dragged my nervously darting eyes to the person in front of me: Laura. ‘Huh?’

‘I was just saying I think this is a good idea.’

‘Oh, thank you.’ I managed a smile. ‘Yeah, I thought it would be a good time saver too. Need to get ahead of the timetable.’

‘Laura,’ Gordon interrupted, ‘I suggested to Charlie that we meet three times a week to go through the coursework. We all know how Professor Rivers likes to leave it up to our interpretation, so I suggest we spend the time getting it right.’

I didn’t get a chance to hear Laura’s response, and hopefully second my view that meeting three times a week would not be happening, because that was the moment my mouth dried up and a high-pitched ringing sounded in my ear.

In the next second, Evie appeared at the top of the stairs, walking normally. Not floating up on a cloud of brimstone or flying in on a broomstick like I’d expected her to.

I stood frozen on the spot.

I was still pretending to listen to what Laura and Gordon were talking about, watching their mouths form words I couldn’t hear because I was too busy not looking at Evie, or counting every step she made towards our little group.

Gordon and Laura halted their conversation as Evie stopped in front of them.

‘Hello.’ Laura smiled at her, showing her the same amount of kindness she showed everyone, whether they deserved it or not. Evie didn’t. ‘Are you here for Professor Rivers’ class on Physics and Philosophy?’

‘Yes,’ she replied, her stare moving to Laura from where it had been boring a hole right through me. ‘I’m Evie.’

‘It’s great to meet you! I don’t think I’ve seen you in any of our classes before? Which college are you?’

‘I’m in Pembroke.’ Evie smiled back, her pale blue eyes shining in a way that made her seem more human than devil spawn, but I knew better. ‘This is my first class here actually. I’ve read Philosophy, and Professor Rivers suggested I take Philosophy and Physics as an extra class this term.’

Gordon’s mouth dropped open. ‘You’ve never taken physics?’

Evie shrugged, ‘Does A-level count?’

It was only when his mouth still hadn’t closed, and his eyes looked like they might fall out of their sockets that Laura jammed an elbow into his ribs. ‘Gordon, don’t be rude.’

Gordon was too speechless at the thought of someone not caring about physics the way he did to retort. Instead, he dropped his head, turning closer to me, and mumbled something which sounded a lot like, ‘Good job our group is sorted.’

‘Sorry,’ Laura cringed, gesturing her hand around the three of us. ‘This is Gordon by the way, and Charlie.’

Evie’s gaze moved slowly from Laura and across Gordon until it landed on me again, and she casually tucked a lone strand of hair behind her ear, but I didn’t miss the sly curve of her lip. The others might not understand what it meant, but I knew exactly.

‘Oh, Charlie and I go way back. Don’t we, Charlie?’

I didn’t reply, but Laura’s eyes lit up the only way one’s could when they didn’t realize they were in the presence of evil. ‘That’s great, oh you should join our … OWWW!’ She squealed loud enough to cancel out the ringing in my ears. Huh. ‘Gordon! That was my foot.’

I summoned every single drop of discipline I had not to laugh as Gordon stepped back. Because if he hadn’t just stomped on Laura’s foot, she’d have been crying from the kick to the shins I’d have given her. My plans to avoid Evie weren’t about to get shelved at the first hurdle by Laura being far too nice for her own good.

‘Sorry,’ Gordon replied, not seeming sorry in the slightest.

Laura looked like she was about to argue but thankfully that was the moment the classroom door in front of us swung open, providing a much-needed distraction. Out swarmed a large-ish group of first years, from the looks of their deer-in-the-headlights expressions, all clamouring for the exit, and sprinting down the stairs in their break for freedom.

It was the same expression I imagined I’d had after my first class with Professor Rivers – someone I’d once heard described as the Marmite of the physics department. In what I’d found was atypical of a physics professor, he didn’t like the sound of his own voice. More so, he pushed you to think. As a result, his classes were some of my favourites. On the flip side, students who liked the structure of physics weren’t so keen on him, but in the end couldn’t argue with the grades he always seemed to coax out.

By the time the man himself arrived at the threshold of the classroom to summon us inside, the corridor had started to empty once more. Younger than most other faculty members, Professor Rivers still had the youthful exuberance of someone who remembered what it was like to be a student, even if the bushy handlebar moustache was more reminiscent of an American railroad owner, than of a man who realized that facial hair was actually a trend.

‘Ah, my final year students. Come in, come in,’ he boomed, waving us forward.

Gordon shot forward with a quick ‘Good morning, Professor,’ rushing to get the seat he wanted before anyone else sat there. Though if they had, he’d only have made them move.

I was tempted to run in after him, but instead I stayed where I was, knowing Evie would do exactly the same.

I turned and blocked her way. Any other person would have been startled at someone stopping directly in front of them, but not Evie, standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. She’d been watching every move I’d made since she arrived.

‘Charlie …’ she began, her big blue eyes widening. Her skin was absolutely flawless; not one single line or crease or divot formed as she looked up at me.

‘Evie,’ I cut her off before she wasted both our time, ‘we have to get through the next eight weeks of being in the same room as each other. Please don’t make it harder. We have nothing to talk about, but I will be civil when required within these four walls. Outside of it I will go back to pretending you don’t exist.’

I could have predicted she’d huff a little in indignation, and it only hardened me further. ‘God, Charlie, come on. You’re so dramatic.’

‘Listen to my words. I do not want to talk to you.’

I left her standing in the doorway and I stalked inside, making my way to the spot near to where the others were sitting.

‘Well done, mate,’ I muttered to Gordon as I sat down next to him.

‘Close call, Charlie. We definitely wouldn’t get a first having someone who’s only taken A-level physics in our group …’ I could almost see the scorn forming a puddle on the floor underneath him for how thickly it was dripping, and once again I stopped myself from laughing.

I didn’t look at Evie again, though I knew she’d sat down when Professor Rivers closed the door behind her.

Brooks:

I just saw Violet. She told me about the fake relationship thing.

Brooks:

Sorry mate, I forgot.

Brooks:

Just as long as it stays fake though.

Brooks:

Too fucking weird to see you two together.

Brooks:

I told Violet in certain terms that no way was she to go around snogging my friends.

One down. Only seven more to go.

Just as the class before ours had, we rushed to the doors the second the big hand hit the hour.

I was likely outside before Gordon had finished telling Rivers what he could do better. The cold air hit me just as I spotted Violet, and I wasn’t sure which jolted me more.

I don’t know why, but I waited for a second before I ran over to her. I watched as she scoured through the hordes of undergrads coming and going, knowing she was searching for me. A rush of adrenaline spiked my blood; the same one I’d had yesterday when I’d met her at St Anne’s, along with the same giddy kick of excitement powering against my ribcage.

I had an exceptional memory, but even for the brief couple of seconds I stood there watching her, I couldn’t recall a time my chest had felt like it might pop.

When she finally spotted me ten metres away a smile spread across her face matching the one I knew I was wearing. Just like when I’d met her last week in the pub, her hair was tumbling over her shoulders, only today it had my fists clenching before I reached out to run my fingers through it. Then I remembered I could and these rules might actually be the best idea I’ve ever had. I could find out for myself if it was as soft as it looked, with that indescribable violet shade – reminiscent of twilight, right before the skies turn navy and the stars begin their night-time twinkling.

Had she always been this pretty? No, pretty was too pedestrian. Beautiful. Violet Brooks was beautiful.

Unfortunately my thoughts about Violet were rudely interrupted by the unmistakable sound of my name being called, followed by the wheezing of someone who probably shouldn’t be running.

‘Charlie …’

I picked up my pace.

‘Charlie …’

Throwing Violet what I hoped was an apologetic expression right before I reached her, I turned to find Gordon gesticulating wildly while also trying to stop his backpack from falling to the ground. Only the force of the books inside seemed to be propelling him forward at a faster pace than his legs were carrying him.

‘Charlie, we didn’t come to a decision about Mondays,’ he puffed out.

I rocked back on my heels, ‘Hmm. Didn’t we? I thought you were going to hold the session and I’d come along when I could. You know I’m good for the work. I just have to schedule it around other commitments.’

‘We need to agree a time you can make it,’ Gordon replied, his eyes darting to Violet who wasn’t bothering to hide her amusement, and back at me. ‘I spoke to the others and they said two p.m. works.’

I side-eyed Violet, who was still watching Gordon, ‘Um … two p.m. … Monday. Monnndaaaay. Um, I feel like something happens at two p.m. on Mondays …’ Gordon in turn was hanging onto my every word, while I was trying to stop what was about to happen from happening … but I couldn’t. ‘Oh, sorry mate, how rude of me, let me introduce my girlfriend, Violet.’

I shouldn’t have done it.

I knew I shouldn’t have done it as soon as her eyes widened. I should have kept my big mouth shut. There was no need for me to introduce her at all. But we clearly hadn’t set any parameters for how widely this lie should be spread.

On the flip side … no harm in giving this fake relationship a real test drive.

It was impressive how quickly she recovered herself.

‘Hello,’ she waved with a smile.

‘Hello,’ Gordon replied, though it was more of an impatient snap, before he looked back up at me. ‘Well?’

I sighed so deeply it almost rattled my bones.

I should be using Violet as an excuse to get out of Gordon’s study session. It would have provided me with a legitimate reason for introducing her as my girlfriend. But the annoyingly much less selfish side of my brain was reminding me that Gordon had also saved my ass from Evie. Even if he hadn’t realized it.

‘Sure, mate. Count me in. Email me the invite.’

‘Excellent news. Thank you, Charlie.’ He grinned, widely, to the point I don’t think I’d ever seen him so excited, evident given the little hop he made while hitching up his backpack. ‘Bye Violet. I like your hair.’

The pair of us watched in silence as Gordon scurried off through the gates of the square.

‘Interesting guy,’ Violet chuckled.

‘I’m so sorry about that. He’s decent, just super intense. But working with him is the only way I could ensure I wouldn’t be stuck in a group with Evie.’

I didn’t like the way Violet’s smile dropped into a straight line. ‘Ah. Seems like you made the right choice though.’

‘I hope so,’ I grimaced, ‘though he wanted study sessions three times a week, and if you hadn’t been here, I’d definitely have caved.’

Thankfully, the face I’d pulled at the thought of three Gordon sessions a week was enough to make her laugh.

‘Happy to help.’

‘Yeah, if I’d known having a fake girlfriend would provide the perfect excuse to get out of doing anything I didn’t want to, I’d have called you years ago …’ I stopped talking and held her gaze. I wasn’t sure if she was going to respond, or if there even was anything to respond to, but the longer we stared at each other the faster my pulse thudded, until I realized I wasn’t quite smiling any more. It’s hard to smile when you’re concentrating on counting the flecks in the eyes of the girl standing in front of you, along with the freckles on her nose. I cleared my throat before it got awkward.

My attention was drawn to the two coffee cups in her hand as she thrust one at me. ‘Sorry. It’s probably cold now.’

A weird little flip happened in my belly. Or maybe it was my chest. Somewhere, anyway. No one had ever brought me coffee.

‘Did you get me a coffee?’

‘Yup. Black,’ she nodded.

‘Did you know I take it black?’

‘No, just guessed. Thought it was the easiest. I didn’t add butter …’ she grinned.

I frowned. ‘Butter?’ Yuck. The only person I knew who added butter to their coffee was Brooks. ‘Oh … way to ruin good coffee I say.’

‘Yeah, exactly.’

Amazingly the coffee was still warm as I sipped it and watched her soft pillowy mouth rest around the cardboard lid as she sipped her own, reminding me of why we were here in the first place.

‘Thank you, Violet. For the coffee and coming here … and saving me from extra study sessions.’

She paused, like she was about to say something, but then her gaze flicked over my shoulder. From the way her pupils flared, almost blending into the green of her irises, and her features tensed for a split second, I didn’t need any guesses to figure out what had caught her attention.

‘Um … Evie’s over by the main doors,’ she whispered.

Before I registered what I was doing, I stepped in towards Violet, my free hand snaking around her neck until it cupped the back of her head.

Rule one was no kissing unless appropriate. Did this constitute appropriate? Or would this be crossing a line?

Brooks had already lost his shit over a simple kiss on her cheek, and I still needed to break the news of the one last week. The one I couldn’t stop thinking about.

How hard could not kissing be?

While I pondered on that I pulled her in, until my lips were a hair’s breadth from hers and paused. Everything else silenced around us. If I wasn’t holding my breath, we’d have been sharing oxygen. To anyone passing, we were in an intimate embrace, my lips on hers. But, in reality, we could have been a chasm apart for how they never touched. Yet somehow this was way more intimate.

Somehow this was worse than kissing. Like when you take away a sense and all the others are heightened. Because not kissing meant I could feel the way her heart was hammering under my fingertips.

Not kissing meant I could see the way her eyelashes were fluttering against her cheek like a butterfly wing.

And not kissing meant I’d never smell the rich dark floral and cedar scent she drenched herself in without thinking of this exact moment.

Every cell in my body screamed at me to close the distance. Instead, I inched back.

‘Is she still there?’ I asked, reluctantly loosening my grip in her hair, though not fully. I wasn’t ready to let go.

Her eyes flicked to where she’d spotted Evie, but shook her head. ‘No.’

I should have moved farther away, I should have dropped my hand, but as the opportunity had presented itself, I raked my fingers through her violet strands. They really were as soft as they looked.

I looked up to find her watching me twist the ends around my index finger, because I didn’t seem to ever be able to stop myself. ‘I like this colour. It suits you.’

‘Thank you,’ she replied softly, and I couldn’t help but notice it got me a bigger smile than the one she’d shot Gordon’s way when he’d said the same thing.

My dick noticed too, and this time I stepped back.

‘No, thank you , Violet. I really appreciate you helping me, I don’t know how I’d manage without you.’ I paused, my eyes catching the time on the church clock. Bollocks. I was soooo late, yet I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay. ‘Um … I need to hustle to my next class, but I owe you massively. You saved me twice in five minutes. We need to add rehearsing lines to the rules. Quid pro quo. I’ll text you about it later, okay?’

I swear I caught a tiny hesitation, but it disappeared into a smile before I could think more about it. ‘Sure.’

‘Great.’ I took one quick look around.

I couldn’t see Evie, but I’d learned long ago she could be lurking around any corner.

But this time when I leaned in to kiss Violet’s cheek, I wasn’t sure whether that was in case Evie was watching or because I couldn’t not.

And if I really wanted to know the answer.