Page 22
22. Charlie :
(Shakespeare was an idiot. Nothing’s fair in love or war …)
‘What the fuck did I just walk in on?’ Brooks asked, all of us staring at Violet’s rapidly retreating back. Or maybe it was just me staring.
Anything else he said was drowned out by the ringing in my ears.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How could I have done this? How could I have been so stupid.
‘Charlie?’
I turned to find Brooks glaring at me, Bitters looking confused, Oz leaning against the railings and staring at his feet, while Fellows and Joshi were both on their phones doing their best to look like they weren’t the slightest bit interested in what was going on in front of them. They were.
Based on the direction she’d headed, I had about thirty seconds to make a decision before she reached the path, and I wouldn’t know which fork she’d taken. I only needed five. I stood in front of Brooks.
‘Stay here. Please. Stay here and wait for me to come back. I need to talk to you. It’s important.’ My eyes flicked to Oz, who was no longer staring at his feet, imploring him to understand what I was talking about. ‘Keep him here.’
I didn’t wait for his or Brooks’ reply, before I took off after Violet.
She hadn’t got as far as I’d expected; walking with Stella’s arm wrapped around her while her head was dropped onto her shoulder must have slowed them down.
‘Violet … Violet wait.’ I picked up the pace, ‘Violet!’
Stella turned around first, dropping her arm as Violet ran a hand under her nose. Even from fifty metres away I could tell she’d been crying; each tear streaming down her cheek may as well have been an arrow straight in my chest.
I’d really screwed this up.
‘What do you want, Charlie?’ she sniffed when I stopped in front of her.
‘I want to talk to you. To explain.’
‘There’s nothing to explain, Charlie. I understood perfectly clearly.’
I frowned, that made one of us then, because I didn’t. ‘What do you understand?’
‘That I wasn’t important enough for you to consider when you agreed to go on a date with Evie.’
I sighed so deeply it made my brain throb.
‘I didn’t agree to go on a date with her,’ I started, except that’s exactly what I’d done, so I raised my hand before Violet jumped in to point it out. ‘I don’t mean a date date. It wasn’t a romantic date. I asked her what it would take for her to leave me alone. Us alone – me and you. And her reply was she’d leave me alone if we won today. But if we lost the race, then I needed to take her out for a single drink. Just one. One.’
‘And you agreed.’
‘Of course I agreed. I never thought we’d lose. I wasn’t going to bet against myself. And I should point out, I was right, we didn’t lose. So I don’t really understand why you’re so mad at me,’ I snapped as the tension and stress from weeks … months, even years of dealing with Evie’s bullshit hit again.
That she was on the verge of ruining another good thing in my life was almost too much to contain.
Except, given the way both Stella’s and Violet’s eyes narrowed, I immediately wished I hadn’t snapped quite so loudly. ‘I’m sorry …’ God this was hard enough without having an audience too. ‘Stella, d’you think you can go and find something else to do, please?’
I didn’t miss the way she glanced at Violet for permission before stepping to the side. ‘Sure, I was about to call my parents anyway.’
I reached out and took Violet’s hand, giving a small thanks that she allowed me to do so, because it felt like it could have gone either way.
‘I’m mad, because you didn’t tell me about it, Charlie. I had to find out through Evie. Now I understand why she was looking so smug. I feel so foolish.’
‘I’m so sorry, it really was a stupid, thoughtless thing to do. I’m sorry about Evie, I really am, and that you’ve been dragged into this whole mess. I should have told you, but it meant so little to me that it didn’t occur to me to do so. And because I never would have gone on a date with her anyway, I forgot until you mentioned it.’
She gave a loud sniff, running her hand under her nose again before pressing her palms deep into her eye sockets to stop the tears.
‘Look, I understand how awful she is, I really do,’ she sniffed again, ‘but put yourself in my position. When Bitters had his arm around me, you almost punched him before storming off. Yet you just expect me to be okay with the fact that you agreed to go on a date with the love of your life.’
‘What?’ I scrubbed both hands through my hair, linking my fingers behind my head, hoping to relieve the pressure that seemed to be building in my brain. ‘Violet … no.’
How did I begin to explain to her that wasn’t the case?
Evie might have been the love of my life once, but that ended the day Violet walked into the Blue Oar two and a half months ago. Though in reality it ended long before that, years before. Maybe she’d never been the love of my life, because I’d never felt about Evie the way I felt about Violet.
It had just taken my brain a little longer to catch up.
‘I loved her once, when I was sixteen. But since you came into my life for real, it’s like I had a reset. My life began again.’
‘Charlie …’ the sniffs got heavier, ‘don’t you see? It’s exactly what she said to me – you always find your way back to one another. I thought I was na?ve,’ she added with a huff that was so laced in sarcasm and totally un-Violet I had to take a step back.
I was not na?ve. I knew full well what Evie Waters was capable of, probably more than anyone – she could be awarded a gold star for causing chaos. Which is why this entire conversation was all the more frustrating.
I took a deep breath before the anger bubbling through my veins turned into full-on rage. I was close though, especially when Violet was standing in front of me questioning my loyalty to her. Loyalty and feelings.
‘No, Violet. You’re wrong. That day I nearly punched Bitters, do you remember what else happened? We walked back and you asked me to trust you. Do you remember that?’
There was a tiny hesitation before she nodded.
‘Well, I do. I trust you. I’ve never not trusted you. Now you need to trust me.’
‘I do, I just … you loved her so much. I remember. I remember you loving her, and I remember when she broke your heart.’ One fat tear slid down her cheek but I managed to brush it away before it fell.
‘Loved,’ I repeated, wondering how many times I needed to before the message got through. ‘Loved. Past tense. I don’t love her now and haven’t for a long time. Years, in fact. Evie is so irrelevant to me now, unless she’s causing a problem for you, because you showed me that Evie Waters is nothing to me. That’s all this was about. Getting her to leave you alone. You’re the one I want, Violet Brooks. Please don’t let Evie ruin things between us,’ I begged, and I could sense the desperation in my tone. ‘It was less than twelve hours ago that I sat in bed with you and asked you to be my girlfriend.’
I thought I had her then. I thought I saw her eyes brighten, and maybe they did for a fraction of a second before she shook her head slowly. ‘You didn’t actually. I brought it up, and then you asked me to repeat it. The word girlfriend was never mentioned.’
‘Violet, come on. Of course I want you to be my girlfriend. You are my girlfriend for fuck’s sake.’
‘By default.’
‘What?’
‘I’m your girlfriend by default, because we decided we were going to see how it went. But we’ve never talked about it.’
My nostrils flared wide as I took another deep breath. ‘Violet, of course you’re my girlfriend.’
‘Actually, I’m a secret –’
‘You’re not a secret. Everyone knows,’ I snapped.
‘No, they don’t. Everyone who knew we were fake, still thinks we’re fake. Except Stella,’ she snapped back. ‘My brother doesn’t know.’
Never in a million years could I have predicted today would go so drastically wrong.
Not after this morning.
I also didn’t know Violet moonlighted for the debating team, because it was clear this wasn’t an argument I was going to win. She had a response for everything I said, and the fact that they were all valid made it all the more annoying.
But the only thing she was really truly correct about was Brooks. And there was a very simple fix to that problem, I just prayed she’d step in before he punched me.
‘Come on.’ I held my hand out.
‘Where are we going?’
‘To tell him. Let’s go.’
All this time Stella had been on the phone, and I wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence that she hung up the exact same time I suggested we leave. But I wasn’t about to question it.
Instead of taking my hand, Violet walked next to me, Stella on her other side, and we made our way silently back down the path to the boathouse. I didn’t point out that Stella was about to get her wish of being present when Brooks was told, though the thought did ease my nerves a little.
On second thoughts, the nerves had simply been replaced by the gurgling nausea I had at the thought of losing Violet through my own stupidity.
I wasn’t going to lose her when I’d only just found her.
I don’t know how the three of us looked as we rounded the corner, but from the way Brooks’ arms were crossed over his chest, I’d say not great. Oz was standing next to him, the pair of them waiting for us like the parents of errant teenagers. I’d had enough of that when I was actually a teenager. The only plus side I could find was that the rest of the boys were nowhere to be seen, no doubt lured away with the promise of a cold pint to celebrate our win.
‘Care to explain what’s going on?’
I reached for Violet’s hand only for her to snatch it away. Okay … guess I deserved that. Unfortunately, everyone else caught it too. Brooks’ eyes narrowed a further degree, and I think Oz shook his head, but I was concentrating too hard on steadying my heart rate so I could get this out in one go.
‘Someone speak.’
Here goes nothing. ‘I’m in love with your sister.’
There was silence for only a split second before a combination of thunderous shouting and a croaky screech broke it.
‘WHAT?’
It was hard to tell whose what was the loudest: Brooks’ or Stella’s. It wasn’t Violet’s because she was just standing there staring at me with her mouth open. This time, thankfully, she let me take her hand.
‘I love you,’ I repeated, hopefully at a volume only she could hear. I wasn’t sure whether it was a good sign her tears started again. I held her gaze as her beautiful blue eyes overflowed with a combination of confusion and – the real kick in the nuts because I’d caused it – hurt, but also a little happiness I think from the way her mouth turned up. I hoped. Taking her face in my hands, I wanted her to see me and only me along with all the sincerity and truth I could dig from the depths of my soul. ‘I love you, Violet.’
I kind of wished her brother wasn’t witnessing it, however.
‘Hang on,’ interrupted Brooks. ‘Back the fuck up, right to the beginning. I thought this was fake. I agreed to fake.’
I pulled down on Violet’s hand before she started shouting and/or punched Brooks, because I was well aware of her opinion about her brother and his ban on her dating life, having been on the listening end of many a rant. I also happened to agree with her.
‘Yes, it was fake.’ I tried not to choke over the word. ‘You’re right. It was. But we started spending time together. And the more time we spent together, the more I realized that I liked Violet. Liked her a lot. And somewhere along the line it stopped feeling so fake.’
I gave Violet’s hand a gentle squeeze, but from a quick side-eye I could see she was looking at her feet. Shit.
‘How long’s this been going on?’
I glanced to Violet, still looking down, guess I was answering all the questions. ‘About six weeks, maybe a little longer?’
Someone, probably Stella the shit stirrer, let out a low whistle.
‘Six weeks? Six weeks?! Oh my god, are you …’ he stopped talking and I really prayed he wasn’t going to finish the sentence, because I knew what he was going to ask. ‘Nope, no. Not asking that.’
I had no doubt Violet felt my sigh of relief. I think everyone did, until he focused on her.
‘Violet, have you been in our house recently?’
Her chin jutted as she nodded defiantly at him, leaving absolutely no room for interpretation as to why she’d been in the house. Maybe now was the time to share she’d copied his key and had broken in to use his bath.
Or maybe not.
‘And you …’ he pointed at me, just in case anyone was unaware whom he was addressing. ‘I knew I heard you come in the other morning, I hadn’t just imagined it.’
I groaned. On Wednesday morning I’d woken up next to Violet, a small sliver of light was sneaking through a crack in the blinds and sliced across her bare back, traversing the ridges of her spine. She’d been fast asleep, and instead of getting out of bed, I’d stayed there watching it move over her smooth skin as the sun made an appearance.
It was then that I knew, right that second, that I’d fallen in love with her.
I’d been so late leaving that Brooks had been downstairs when I snuck back into the house, but I’d dismissed it with a yawn and a confused look.
‘Did you know about this?’ he snapped at Oz.
I held my breath, I was almost as interested to know the answer as Brooks seemed to be. I was positive Oz suspected something, but as he’d been practically catatonic due to his own love life drama, it had not been brought up since the day I’d made Violet’s cupcakes a month ago.
Wow. An entire month with Violet.
It had gone both quickly and infinitely slowly all at once, and I wished I could experience it again for the first time.
Oz shook his head. ‘No.’
From the way Brooks’ eyes narrowed I wasn’t sure he believed him, but his focus turned back to me.
‘Okay, so you love my sister, except she doesn’t seem that happy about it. So, what’s going on?’
‘Um …’ I began, wondering where to start.
Violet snatched her hand back, and crossed her arms over her chest. A move so reminiscent of her brother that I suddenly knew the level of stubbornness I was dealing with.
‘Charlie told Evie he’d go on a date with her.’
The water Oz had just sipped sprayed everywhere. There was no one untouched. A fountain of mist caught the light and for ten seconds we were in the midst of a rainbow – maybe I’d be able to summon a lucky charm while Oz coughed up his insides. Eventually, Stella whacked him on the back several times in an attempt to stop him. Brooks was the only one who seemed unaffected, and once Oz had himself under control the pair of them turned to me in sync, identical expressions which demanded an explanation.
‘Violet, for the last time I did not agree to go on a date with Evie,’ I gritted out.
‘It’s exactly what you did, Charlie.’
I spun around, shooting a glare at Stella, hoping it would silence her for at least a couple of minutes.
‘Well, who’s telling the truth?’ Brooks snapped.
I held my hand up, ‘Okay, I’ll start from the beginning. We all know Evie’s in my class …’ I started, to which the boys nodded.
I proceeded to explain the entire situation as I knew it, including the times Evie happened to be waiting wherever I was walking. I was taking it as a good sign that their arms looked less tense the longer I talked. Their fists unclenched, Oz was slowly shaking his head and the disappointment in his face had dropped.
By the time I was finished Brooks appeared less red and angry, at least. Violet had stopped sniffing, Oz and Stella were quietly standing next to each other by the railings.
‘Well? Anyone want to say something?’
Brooks’ lips pursed and relaxed. Pursed and relaxed until he eventually held them in a straight line. ‘You should have never gone out with her in the first place. I said it then, and I’ll say it now.’
It wasn’t exactly what I’d been expecting, but it was also a typical non-committal Brooks response that didn’t help in the slightest. When it became clear no one else was going to add to the conversation I turned to the only person I really wanted to hear from.
‘Violet?’
For the first time, she looked up at me, her blue eyes searching my face. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but when she spoke I really hoped she’d found it.
‘Let’s go outside.’ She turned around to the audience of three, and pointed a finger at each of them individually, ‘You lot stay here.’
I followed her to the dry dock, my heart thudding harder with each step as I tried to stop the sinking feeling in my belly.
‘I’m going to go home,’ she blurted, and I frowned so deeply it felt like my brain was rattling, ‘to Somerset.’
‘What?’
‘I think we need to spend some time apart.’
‘I’m sorry, what? This morning –’
‘Things have changed since this morning, Charlie. Even if you don’t want to acknowledge it, they’ve changed. For me at least.’
The thudding in my chest was speeding up, hammering so fast I thought my sternum might crack. It was all I could do to swallow down the acid burning my throat.
‘Violet, please … I’m so sorry.’
‘I know,’ she smiled softly, and I wished she wouldn’t. The smiling made it worse. The smiling made me feel like I really was on the knife’s edge of losing her. ‘I know you’re sorry and I appreciate it. I’m sorry too. But I think we need a break from each other. It’s Easter next weekend, and I’m going to go home.’
‘When?’ I croaked.
‘Tonight.’
‘Tonight?’
She nodded, ‘Stella’s called her parents to come and get us.’
Swallowing down the acid had only left room for the tears to clog my throat. ‘Violet, come on. Please don’t go. You don’t have to do this.’
‘I do. If this is going to work between us, I want to have a clean slate and start over. We need a total break from each other, no contact so we can reset. Then we can see where we’re up to. We can see how we feel in a few weeks.’
‘I don’t need a few weeks to see how I feel. I love you. I’m not losing you when I’ve only just found you,’ I was almost shouting. ‘This is nothing more than our first stupid fight. It’s a rite of passage. That’s all. You can’t just leave.’
Her soft hand cupped my cheek, and as she gazed at me I decided I’d never seen her look more beautiful. It was the one thought that really tipped me over the edge for the tears to start falling.
‘I love you. But if I stay I’m nothing more than the girl who helped you out of a bind with your ex. We’d be a relationship of circumstance. An accident. I don’t want that.’
‘All relationships start because of circumstance,’ I snapped. ‘Our circumstance is that I love you.’
‘Charlie …’ she sighed.
‘You are so much more than that, and you know it,’ I sniffed.
‘Then prove it.’ She dropped her hand and leaned in to kiss my cheek. Like I always did I breathed her in, only this time it came with the terrifying thought I might never have the opportunity to do it again. ‘I’ll see you in a few weeks.’
‘At Chiswick Bridge?’ I asked, my question holding as much hope as I could muster, considering I felt absolutely hope less. ‘I’ll win for you.’
She walked away without an answer, only stopping to peer inside the boathouse to collect Stella. I wasn’t sure if it was a good sign or not that she gave me a little wave before the two of them disappeared again back up the path.
I slumped down on the dock, dangling my feet over the edge.
What a thoroughly thoroughly shit day. The high I’d finished the race with had well and truly popped and as much as I wanted to blame Evie for it, I knew it wasn’t entirely her fault.
Mostly, but not all.
Ninety-nine point nine per cent.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ I mumbled, sensing a movement behind me. It was all I could summon. I was utterly depleted. ‘I know I’ve fucked up but please lecture me tomorrow, I’m not in the mood.’
Brooks and Oz dropped down either side of me.
‘I’m so pissed off you didn’t tell me, it’s not even funny. We’ve been best friends since we were thirteen. What the fuck, Charlie?’ Brooks started, totally ignoring my ‘no lecture’ request.
That was fine.
‘You said no one was allowed to date her. Even me. That day in the gym when Bitters was being fucking annoying. You said it, “ even Charlie ”.’ I air quoted, though it didn’t lessen the snarl on my lips.
‘ Date her, and fuck her over, exactly like he would have done. Not fall in love.’
‘How was I supposed to know?’ I grumbled.
‘I see you did it anyway.’
‘I did it before then actually,’ I shot back.
He didn’t reply. The three of us stared down at the water as a family of ducks swam past – the dad in front followed by five fluffy ducklings, and mum bringing up the rear. When they reached the bank on the other side of the river, they all jumped out and waddled along the grassy edge to their nest.
‘You’re really in love with my sister?’
‘Yeah. I really am.’
‘Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you,’ he tutted. ‘I told you she’s a drama queen.’
I wanted to disagree. It was right there on the tip of my tongue, but I was still annoyed enough that she’d left, so I didn’t.
‘Well, what are you going to do?’
‘Fix it, I guess. I’m going to get her back.’
Oz reached out and dropped his arm around my shoulder. ‘Join the club. I’ll make badges.’
‘And then someone needs to tell Bitters that Violet’s off the market,’ muttered Brooks.