Page 13

13. Violet :

(Maturity is overrated)

Oh, bollocks.

‘Stel, I’ll call you back.’

I hung up before she had a chance to say anything else and stared at the heap of books I’d just dropped. My Twelfth Night manuscript, along with three other books I needed to mark up for an English assignment were spread at my feet, and the small white box I’d been so carefully balancing was at the bottom of the pile underneath.

Please don’t be crushed, please don’t be crushed, please don’t be crushed.

Gingerly squinting through one eye, I bent to pick it up. Eased off the slightly wonky elastic ribbon and breathed a sigh of relief.

The contents were somehow still intact.

Gathering everything as quickly as possible, I swore to myself, plus whoever was listening, that I would no longer try and break a world record for carrying everything at once, while also talking on the phone and not paying the slightest bit of attention to where I was going.

‘Do you need help with those?’

I glanced up to find an eager face smiling down at me, though most of it was covered in a large bobble hat sliding too far down her forehead.

‘Oh, no thanks. I got it. Just clumsy,’ I replied, slipping my almost empty backpack off my shoulders to load up.

Yes, I know. I should have been using it.

‘Okay.’ The girl stepped over my mess and headed into the library without another word.

This time, I shoved my books into my backpack, and held the box – and only the box – secure in my hands.

Amazingly, I wasn’t more flustered as I walked into the library and around the stacks, spotting Charlie over at the table in the far corner where we’d agreed to meet in ten minutes. I couldn’t even find it in myself to get annoyed because, of course, he was early. In all the times we’d met in the past few weeks, I’d never once got there before him.

Even today, when I’d made a special effort to arrive first – hence not using up precious seconds to load my backpack – there he was, rocking back on his chair while his fingers typed away on his phone like he had all the time in the world. Science students were not known to have a lot of spare time, but Charlie seemed to have more spare time than me – a first-year English student. In fact, coupled with the Boat Race it should be next to impossible to find a space in his calendar, yet he’d never once cancelled on our times together.

The only bonus about arriving second was that I had the luxury of seeing him in his space without any interruptions. We’d spent so much time together over the past few weeks, but I’d never properly had a chance to really look at him – not without him asking whether I’d forgotten how to blink, anyway. Plus, I was usually too busy rushing. But now, this morning, I could take my time to see who I was becoming so familiar with, in a way I’d never been.

Thankfully, I’d reached the point where I no longer stared at his mouth whenever he spoke. Whereas before I’d always been a little too nervous in his presence, this Charlie was so easy to spend time with, as though we’d known each other for years instead of him just being my brother’s best friend. He teased me like it was his job to make me smile. I was learning his habits – the way he slowly ran his knuckles along the stubble coating his jaw whenever he was thinking hard, just as he was doing right now. Or how he always wore a baseball cap to study, and curled the rim like it was a stress ball.

My hardest lesson was that there was no way I wasn’t going to fall hard, because I was already plummeting. The last few weeks of spending time together, holding hands and touching whenever we could, it had become clear that any rules we’d put in place to appear like we were in a relationship were merely superficial. Because after that kiss – the one where he couldn’t not kiss me – it didn’t feel like there was anything fake about us at all.

It was part of the reason I’d wanted to arrive early. Part of the reason I’d brought a box filled with freshly baked sugary goodness. Because as much as I was desperate for it to happen again, I needed to get some answers before it did. Because that was the mature thing to do.

That’s right, I, Violet Brooks, was being mature.

Any concerns I was having about kissing or not kissing disappeared the second he spotted me. Whatever he’d been typing on his phone was forgotten as he stood up with a grin so wide it rivalled hot chocolate on a cold day for how warm and inviting it was. I might have stopped staring at his lips, but I would never get over that smile. The one that lit up his face and charged the sparkle in his eyes like he’d been plugged into the mains.

Oh boy. He could kiss me all he wanted if he kept looking at me like that.

Focus, Violet.

Answers first. Then kissing.

‘Hey …’ he breathed out, the deep timbre of his tone ghosting over my skin until every cell tingled.

How was it possible for one person to have such an effect?

‘Good morning,’ I smiled back, amidst the adrenaline and excitement rushing through me as I leaned in and kissed his cheek, because that was the polite thing to do. ‘I’m late again, I see.’

‘Nope. I’m just early. I had a study session cancelled so I thought I’d save our spot. Didn’t want anyone else to get it.’

‘Good idea,’ I replied, while subtly inching around to the other side of the table so I could concentrate, because that distinct Charlie freshly showered smell of post-rowing exertions, oaky and clean which always heightened my senses, made it virtually impossible to do so.

I placed the box down and eased off my backpack. His eyes tracked the movement, ‘What’s in there?’

‘A present.’

‘Seriously? I love presents,’ he replied, with that same enthusiasm I’d seen at the sandwich shop.

‘You’d best open it then.’

He leaned across the table, reaching out long fingers to pull the box closer. Carefully, he eased off the red and white elastic ribbon, and wrapped it around his wrist.

‘Cupcakes, brownies, jam doughnuts? And are those chocolate chip cookies?’ he gasped as he peered inside, breathing in that sweet sugar hit. ‘You really brought these for me?’

‘Yup, you took me to your favourite sandwich shop, I thought I’d bring you a selection of my favourite studying snacks from my favourite bakery.’

‘How did you know cupcakes were the way to my heart?’

‘They’re the way to everyone’s heart.’

His laugh was loud enough that an echo of ‘shhhh’ sounded out from somewhere nearby. He bit down on his lip with a chuckle. ‘Whoops. Forgot we’re in a library.’

‘Don’t get us in trouble and kicked out,’ I scolded, though there was only jest in my tone.

‘So, what flavour are we talking about here?’

‘Double chocolate chip, with vanilla frosting for the cupcakes, salted caramel brownies, raspberry doughnuts.’

Using his finger, he swiped it through the thickly swirled buttercream on the top of a cupcake and stuck it in his mouth. I really wish he hadn’t. I just about stopped my jaw from dropping, even though my chest nearly caved in from the sight of his pink tongue darting out to catch a stray blob from the corner of his lip. I would never unsee that.

Dear god.

I was still trying to regain my composure when I noticed him chuckling.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing. I just figured you’d have picked violet frosting or something.’

I dropped into the seat opposite him, determined not to smile at his teasing, ‘Not everything is violet you know.’

My forehead creased a fraction as he stood up, only for him to walk around the table, and assault me with that scent. My heart was already thudding double time, but by the time he’d pulled out the chair next to me and sat down it had kicked up to triple.

‘It should be.’ His lip quivered with a smirk as he picked up a loose strand of hair from my shoulder and wound it between his fingers. ‘What’s your favourite colour?’

‘Actually, it’s blue.’

‘Really?’ he replied, gently tugging me closer to him. And I put up absolutely no resistance. None. Pathetic. I could see my plans already floating out of the window. ‘Mine too. Though right now I think it’s coming in a close second to something else …’

He was close. Too close almost. I tried to lean back, but I honestly couldn’t tell whether it was his grip stopping me, or my brain. ‘Wh … why did you move seats?’

‘Because I can’t kiss you hello from across the table, can I?’

‘You’re going to kiss me?’

‘Yes. I think it’s the appropriate thing to do right now,’ he winked.

No. Not the wink. I was not strong enough to hold off against the wink .

Snapping around in my chair, I glanced left and right before realizing I only had a wall behind me on one side and a stack of books on the other. I couldn’t spot anyone over his shoulder either, and come to think of it, when I walked in there were only a couple of students on the far side, and that girl who’d stopped to pick up my books.

Charlie turned around to see what I’d been looking at, but only found exactly what I had – an empty space. There was no one here.

His eyes locked onto mine, and I swear Mature Violet, stupid Violet – damn her – was trying to ruin my life because she almost pulled away before doing something like kiss him back, or worse drag him under the table.

Fuck it. A girl only lives once.

My hand snaked around his neck, my fingers spearing through the thick hair at the nape of his neck as my lips snapped onto his. They fitted perfectly, two magnets joining together. Compared to the other day, it was chaste, barely enough to taste the sweetness left from the vanilla frosting as my tongue slipped into his mouth. But, it was plenty to get my insides curling and my heart crashing around on a rush that definitely wasn’t caused by sugar.

I could kiss Charlie Masterson all day and still never get enough. I was kind of glad I’d only just discovered how good at kissing he was, because if I’d known earlier I’m not sure I could be held responsible for my actions.

As a little moan escaped from one of us, Mature Violet made her presence known and this time succeeded in pulling me away.

‘Charlie …’

‘Yes, Violet.’

I eased back a little more. Charlie’s elbow was leaning on the table, fist propping up the side of his face making him seem even more amused with me than usual. It was only when I took a deep breath that the smile dropped a little. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yes … I just … can we talk about something?’

‘Of course,’ he replied, his eyes filled with enough concern that it was making me feel like I was blowing this out of all proportion.

No. Focus, Violet.

He was still staring at me as I rubbed my clammy palms over my jeans. ‘Um … Evie’s not here.’

In the space of a split second, his entire body tensed, his eyes flared and he snapped around again to double check I was telling truth before finally relaxing back into the position he’d been, except with a small frown on his face.

‘No, she’s not here.’

‘And the other day when you kissed me, I don’t think she was around either.’

‘She wasn’t,’ he replied simply, matter-of-factly, ignoring the confusion that was definitely present on my face.

‘Well … then I guess my question is about rule one. Kissing when appropriate. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining because … you know … I just … um … you’d originally said no kissing, and I’d said it wasn’t realistic and now you’re kissing me … so … I’m kind of confused.’

He nodded slowly, understanding flashing across his face, and then, just as I had, he took a breath. ‘She wasn’t around, you’re right. I’m sorry. It crossed a line. I would have talked to you about it yesterday, but then Oz was drunk and I wanted to do it in person, but I couldn’t leave …’

My eyes opened wider the longer he rambled, ‘Oz was drunk?’

He nodded slowly. ‘Yeah … he broke up with his girlfriend. It’s messy …’ He pushed his hat off, scratching through his thick hair with a soft sigh before replacing it and sitting up straighter. Sitting up like he meant business; firm, direct, a look in his eyes that was equal combinations intimidating and possibly the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. I didn’t know what he was about to say but I was all ears. ‘Anyway, the kiss. Our kiss.’

It was the way he said our kiss, like it was a complete story with a beginning, middle and end that had my entire body thrumming.

‘I’m sorry, Violet, I’ve been doing this all wrong. Or maybe right … I dunno … maybe there’s no other way it could have happened.’

I was trying to focus on him, but as he sat up, his hand inched forward and now his thumb was swiping over my knee – back and forth like a metronome and just as hypnotizing. So much, in fact, it took me a second to realize he’d stopped talking, and from the look of it he was expecting me to say something.

But God, if this is how I rambled no wonder people got annoyed with me.

‘Charlie, I’m not following.’

‘Yeah … I’m not very good at this. What I’m trying to say is, Violet, I like you.’

‘You like me?’

‘I do.’ He smiled.

I opened my mouth to speak, but honestly my brain could not compute what was happening. I was working at the speed of sound when everyone else was zooming past on light. Charlie Masterson was sitting in front of me, in a situation I’d literally dreamed about since I was fourteen, telling me he liked me, yet I’d never got as far as imagining how I would answer.

Was this shock? Was I in shock?

Possibly, seeing as the only response I could come up with was, ‘What do you mean you’ve done it all wrong.’

‘Well,’ he grimaced, ‘just because of the way we started spending time together.’

‘You mean because of Evie?’

He nodded, ‘Yes. And I really wish it hadn’t been the case, but I also know that if I hadn’t asked you to be my fake girlfriend, then I’d have never spent this time with you … I’d have never realized how much I enjoy spending time with you.’

‘Um …’

‘But,’ he continued, like I didn’t have my mouth open to speak. ‘I know you only agreed to help me because it would be good practice for your acting. In which case, let’s just pretend I never said anything, and normal behaviour will resume.’

I was still staring at him, slightly open mouthed, when two thoughts occurred to me.

One. Stella had been correct. I’d managed to fake-relationship my way to Charlie liking me.

Two. I must be really good at acting if Charlie never realized I liked him.

‘Sorry,’ he started again, ‘I should have got it all out there before I kissed you and started making things awkward. Can you tell I’ve never done this before? Okay, I’ll shut up now. You go.’

Wow. This was not how I expected this morning to go.

I’d gotten so used to my love/crush being unrequited that now it seemed to be very much requited, I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it.

How long had I waited for Charlie to say those words to me? It felt like forever. Even in the weeks since the beginning of term I’d been secretly hoping that one day I’d hear them. I’d resigned myself to the fact this wasn’t real. It could never be real, and yet here he was sitting in front of me, saying exactly that. Kind of.

‘Are you going to say something?’ he asked finally. ‘It’s not normally me who’s the chatty one?’

I stifled a giggle, which seemed to unstick me from the mental block I was having. I really needed to start practising the second halves of conversations I had with myself. It would certainly be more helpful in situations like this.

‘You really like me?’

He nodded, ‘Yeah.’

‘ Like me like me?’

‘Yes. I like you like you. Since the moment you kissed me in the Blue Oar, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Or thinking about kissing you again. When we’re apart, I want to see you. When I see you all I want to do is kiss you, touch you, hold your hand, breathe you in. I like you, Violet, and I haven’t liked anyone in a long time.’

Whoa.

‘But I guess I should be asking you the same question,’ he added, lifting one hand off my knee so he could release my lower lip from the grip of my teeth. ‘Because if we’re kissing for real, it kind of changes the rules.’

I nodded, deeply. ‘Yeah. Our fake relationship seems to have changed, doesn’t it?’

‘It does. And do you like me enough to see where things could go?’

I’d been holding back the smile for what felt like forever, and it finally let itself free. ‘Yes, I like you enough to see where things could go.’

Charlie let out a deep breath I didn’t realize he’d been holding. ‘Thank god for that.’

I glanced down to where his hand had inched towards mine, lacing our fingers together. ‘But …’

‘Not sure I like the sound of that.’

‘What about Evie?’

Out of nowhere the conversation I’d had with Evie a few weeks ago flashed into my brain, along with the death stare she’d given me outside the sandwich shop the other day. I could just about cope with Charlie and Evie if I kept myself at arm’s length, but if she was telling the truth, and Charlie and I became what I’d always wanted, then I wasn’t sure how I’d manage. I had the feeling she wasn’t going down without a fight, and I wasn’t even fighting.

‘What, Violet?’ he asked, his brows almost touching for how deeply they’d dropped. ‘What is it?’

‘I should tell you something …’

‘Okay.’

‘I bumped into Evie a few weeks ago and she said you two always find your way back to one another. She’s determined to get you back.’

Concern brimmed in his big green eyes as they searched my face until he dipped down to make sure that I could see him properly. His hands cupped my cheeks, holding firm enough that I couldn’t look away, so I could see how sincere he was.

‘I’m sorry that happened. Or that I wasn’t there to refute her, but believe me when I say that I will never get back together with Evie. Never.’

I looked at him, holding his gaze while on the precipice of something I’d wanted for so long. ‘Okay.’

‘Okay? As in …’

‘Yeah. Let’s see where things go.’

A brilliant smile split his face; my favourite smile. The ginger beer smile that I could almost feel reaching into my chest and squeezing it gently.

‘I like the sound of that. Now, can I kiss you officially? Not as an appropriate rule but because I can’t not. Then I promise we can start rehearsing.’

I was barely able to nod my head before his lips fell to mine.

Best Charlie Masterson kiss yet. Officially.