Page 7

five

I hid in my room all weekend, certain that if I ran into Dean at any point, he would be able to see it on my face that I’d kissed his best friend.

Even when I was hiding out, I worried that he was somehow going to find out.

Maybe Sebastian would break and tell him.

Maybe somebody saw us. Maybe he would see the photo and recognize me, even with my face hidden.

So I spent the whole weekend in a state of anxiety, just waiting for Dean to confront me.

But Dean never said anything. He didn’t come storming into my room, scream at me for kissing his best friend, or try to smother me with a pillow a second time. By Monday morning, I was totally convinced that we were in the clear.

But the worries over Dean had been keeping worse ones at bay, because without it, I was left wondering about Sebastian instead.

Had he thought about me since the kiss? Or was I just one in a line of kisses to him?

I hadn’t even thought about what Kissing Bingo meant on Friday night, but now the reality was slapping me in the face—I must have been one of at least five, maybe even more, kisses in the night.

By the end of it, he probably didn’t even remember me.

Which meant that I probably should forget all about it too. Was it wrong that I didn’t want to?

“Nora!” Dean yelled, pounding his fist on the bathroom door as I took a shower on Monday morning.

I froze, halfway through washing my hair, sure that he could read my thoughts.

He knew I’d been thinking about Sebastian and the kiss, and now he was here to kill me over it.

“Will you hurry up? I need to brush my teeth.”

“I’m in the shower!” I yelled back as my heart went back down to regular speed.

He didn’t know. Of course he didn’t. Dean was many things, but he wasn’t a mind reader.

He slammed his fist on the door once but then went silent like he stormed off, and I grinned to myself knowing that I’d won the argument.

But I knew that was far from winning the war.

By the time I finished getting ready and came downstairs, Dean was already gone, while Mom was sitting alone at a table covered in breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, toast, and eggs sat on a plate at my usual spot on the table, along with a cup of orange juice and a mug of coffee.

It was the same as every morning, though the spread never failed to confuse me, since I only ever ate a third of what she made and never even touched the coffee.

It was all part of Mom insisting on being the perfect family—the one that all sat together for breakfast every morning, with a full spread in front of them—even though nobody could see us through these walls.

“Good morning, honey,” Mom said as I sat down. Her own plate was empty now, but she still had a mug of coffee in front of her hands. Dad’s plate was still full, so he must not be finished getting ready yet.

“Morning,” I said as I sat down and picked up the piece of toast on the edge of the plate. It wasn’t even just a regular piece of toast, it was cut in two triangles and already buttered. “Where’s Dean?”

“Oh, he had to go to school early for some project,” Mom said.

Yeah, right . With the way he’d been slamming on the door while I was in the shower, he was clearly hoping to get there early and there was no way he would have been that worried over getting there for a group project meeting.

I had a feeling that his absence this morning had something to do with the same girl he ran off to see on Friday.

But I knew he wouldn’t be happy if I told Mom about that.

As much as we argued, Dean and I had a sibling agreement not to sell each other out to our parents.

“So, how’s school going?” she asked.

“Fine,” I mumbled, poking at the eggs on my plate.

I glanced at the time, wishing I could get out of here.

I hated being stuck talking to her one-on-one, because it felt like having to keep up a mask of the perfect daughter all the time.

I had to give her all the right answers to her questions so she wouldn’t realize that I was so far from the daughter she wanted me to be.

But it was too early for me to be able to feign leaving for the school bus.

I should have stayed upstairs for longer so I would have an excuse to rush through breakfast. I probably would have, if I’d realized Dean was going to be gone.

It was easier to handle family conversations when he was here to take some of the brunt of Mom’s attention .

“I still can’t believe my little girl is already in her junior year,” Mom said.

I wasn’t really hungry, but I took another bite of eggs just so that I could avoid having to respond to the comment.

I hated that she still called me a little girl like that so much.

I was sixteen, for goodness sake. It seemed like everybody in my life was intent on treating me like a little kid, from Dean to her to… Sebastian.

Even just thinking his name made my heart race.

It had been months since that last happened, but all it took was one measly little kiss and suddenly I was lovestruck again.

I wondered if I was right in thinking that he just saw me as a little kid.

But if not that, then who was I to him? His neighbor, his best friend’s little sister, the girl who happened to be wearing the right outfit to kiss on Friday night?

“For goodness sake, Angela!” Dad yelled from down the hall.

I didn’t even flinch at the voice, well used to the arguments that took place over the breakfast table every morning.

He came storming into the kitchen, almost dressed for work, except that he wasn’t wearing his suit jacket and he had a tie in each hand.

He held them out to my mom looking annoyed.

“I told you I need you to lay out just one tie for the morning, okay? I can’t be doing this every single day. ”

“I just wanted you to have options,” Mom said breezily.

She stood up and started clearing Dean’s plate from his spot.

Dad looked at me like he thought I could help and I quickly started gulping down my orange juice so I had an excuse not to talk.

Dad sighed and pressed one hand to his forehead, holding the ties still in his grip.

I wasn’t sure why it seemed to stress him out every morning that he had to choose between two ties.

I especially didn’t know why that stressed him out when his wife laid out his entire outfit for him and this was the only decision about it that he needed to make.

It wasn’t like he needed to pick out an entirely new outfit every single day.

In the grand scheme of things, this all seemed much easier.

He turned on his heel, muttering something about being late for work, while Mom swooped in to refill my glass. I glanced at the clock again. Still a couple of minutes before I had a good reason to leave, and even then it would be early. But maybe if I started to get up now and pull on my jacket…

“Oh honey, I almost forgot,” Mom said. “Jennifer called this morning and said that Sebastian would be happy to give you a ride to school.”

I froze halfway out of my seat and stared at her, certain I must have misheard her. Sebastian was going to give me a ride?

No way.

No freaking way.

I must have misheard her. She said somebody else’s name and I just superimposed Sebastian’s name on top, because he was all I’d been thinking about over the weekend.

“What?” I asked.

“You mean pardon,” Mom corrected immediately. Then she forced a smile on her face again. “I said Jennifer called to say that Sebastian can drive you to school this morning, so you have an extra few minutes before you need to leave. ”

So, I hadn’t completely misheard her. Either that or I was delusional enough to hear it twice, and at that point, I thought I might as well start to believe it.

“But why?” I slowly sank back down to the chair.

“Apparently, Lavender just got her first car, so she’s driving herself and the twins, leaving extra room in Sebastian’s car. Jennifer thought it only made sense for him to drive you instead of leaving you to take the bus.”

Did Sebastian know that Dean wouldn’t be with me? Dean and I usually took the school bus, only driving on the days Mom didn’t need the car, so he probably thought he was driving us both. But Dean was gone and Sebastian’s sisters were with Lavender, meaning…

It would be just me and him alone in his car for the full drive.

But what if he did know it would just be me? What if he wanted to talk to me alone, where he knew Dean couldn’t overhear? What if he wanted to talk about the kiss?

I felt his hands on me again, his lips on mine, my hands tangled in his hair. The kiss seemed to just replay in my mind without prompting, leaving me near breathless.

“Eleanor!” Mom said, breaking me out of the memory. I blinked and looked at her. “What is with you today? Your head is in the clouds.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. I could feel my face warming up, and I wondered how much she knew was true versus how much she suspected.

And then, I reminded myself that she hadn’t said anything about a kiss.

She just said my head was up in the clouds.

There could be a million reasons for that.

And there was no reason for her to even begin to suspect that it was because Sebastian Novak had kissed me.

“Sorry, I’m just distracted this morning, I guess.”

“I’ll say,” Mom said. She checked her watch. “Why don’t you go over to the Novak’s? It would be impolite to make Sebastian wait for you.”

I didn’t want to point out the fact that she was the one who had just told me to sit down for a few extra minutes because I was ready to get away from this table ASAP. Especially when I heard Dad’s footsteps on the stairs, probably coming downstairs to pick another fight.