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thirteen

I didn’t give any thought to what would happen after the soccer game until it ended and Ainsley started pulling me down the bleachers. I thought we would just head home, but like at halftime, Ainsley pulled me toward the field. It only took me a second to realize why.

I tried to pull back, thinking of any excuse I could give—I needed to go to the bathroom, I was cold, I thought I saw Dean and wanted to say hi—because I didn’t want Sebastian to know that I’d been here for the whole game.

I was terrified that he might read something into it.

And why wouldn’t he? Last week, he kissed me and now, I was at one of his soccer games for the first time ever.

It was so transparent. But I guess Ainsley was worried about losing me in the crowd, because her grip was tight enough to leave a mark on my wrist and she didn’t let go until she saw Sebastian on the field.

Then, she broke into a sprint and ran straight into his arms. He picked her up and spun her around as she giggled and said, “You are amazing, Sebastian.” Once he put her down, he looked around, probably trying to find Imogen, who had split off from us to talk to a cheerleader. Instead, his eyes landed on me.

“Hey, Nellie,” Sebastian said with a cheeky smile. “What are you doing down here?”

“I convinced her to come support you,” Ainsley said.

She looked at her brother with all the love in the world.

It made my heart hurt a little. He was so good to his family, so wonderful to his sisters, and it just made me feel even guiltier about what Tiffany said.

He was working so hard to take care of them, to try to keep their family together, and somehow I was here making it even worse for him.

We never used to talk this much. In my mind, he was always just Dean’s best friend, and even if we were around each other all the time, it wasn’t the same.

Sure, he always watched out for me and he let me play his music in the car, but I knew that it was just him indulging me the same way that he would indulge Ainsley, Imogen or Lavender.

It wasn’t because he liked me or anything, it was just because that was who he was as a person.

And even if I used to have a childish crush on him, I’d gotten over it long ago.

But then he had to go and kiss me and change everything between us.

Suddenly, I wanted to be around him all the time.

I wanted to hear his laugh. I wanted to see his smile.

I should have found what he looked like now gross, covered in sweat and dirt from the long game, but instead I loved it.

I would have stared at him forever like this if I could.

If he was mine, I would hold this memory forever.

Instead, all I could think about was how much my mere existence must have been draining to him.

I should have said no when Ainsley asked me to the game, but at the time, I wasn’t aware of Tiffany’s feelings toward me.

Speak of the devil, she appeared out of nowhere and swooped in to kiss Sebastian. Ainsley immediately stepped back, probably not wanting to be in the middle of that, and made a gagging face at me. I laughed softly, not bringing Tiffany’s attention to what Ainsley was doing behind her back.

When Tiffany finally pulled back, she glanced at Ainsley and smiled at her, giving her a small smile, nothing like the smile Sebastian had given her. Then she turned her gaze on me and her face tightened.

“Oh,” she said, speaking as if she had found a piece of crap under her shoe. “Nellie. I didn’t see you there.”

“You must have run by too fast when you went to kiss Sebastian,” I said in the nicest voice I could manage. From the way she narrowed her eyes, I had to assume I hadn’t pulled it off well.

“Is that Sebastian’s sweater?” she asked in a tight voice.

“Yeah, I gave it to her at half-time,” Sebastian said.

His voice was casual but his eyes were wary, probably waiting to see what Tiffany’s reaction was going to be.

She didn’t say anything immediately, so he laughed and then ruffled my hair, which made me cringe in a million different ways. “Looks cute on you, Nellie.”

I batted his hand away and he laughed even harder. He probably thought I looked like a little kid in the sweater, with the way I was swimming in it. It must have already been oversized on him, so it was gigantic on me.

Tiffany turned to Sebastian with a frosty smile. “ Don’t you think that’s a little weird?” she whispered. I wasn’t sure if she was intending for us to hear it or not, but I definitely did.

“What would be weird about it?” Sebastian asked, not even trying to keep his voice low.

“She’s wearing your sweater!” Tiffany hissed, throwing a hand up at me. “That can put out a bit of a weird message, don’t you think?”

Sebastian froze. Even though he still had his usual smile on his face, it looked like he was having to force it to remain there.

I tried to read his face for what he was thinking, but it was impossible to tell.

Finally, he shrugged and said, “I don’t think it’s weird. Ainsley wears it all the time.”

“He brings it just for me,” Ainsley added. Tiffany turned her frigid smile on her.

“But it’s different because you’re his sister.

” She ran her gaze up over me. I waited for her next words.

And you’re just his charity case . Or maybe she would go nicer and say I was just his best friend’s little sister—and that I should be stealing sweaters from my own brother, wherever he was right now.

“And you’re just his neighbour. But if somebody looked over, they’d probably think she was your girlfriend. ”

“I don’t think anybody would think that,” I said.

And then I glanced at Sebastian, who was still watching me.

I imagined what he might be thinking. Did the mention of me looking like I could be his girlfriend stir up the same feelings in him as it did me?

Was he remembering our first kiss—how he’d run his hands over my waist, the taste of my lipgloss, my hands running through his hair?

Probably not. Because if that kiss had meant to him even a fraction of what it meant to me, he wouldn’t have gone running back to Tiffany the very next day.

“So are we going out tonight?” Sebastian asked, thankfully pulling the conversation away from what Tiffany was asking about.

She still had a sour expression on her face, and I was betting she’d been hoping that he would tell me to take the sweater off.

But Sebastian wouldn’t do that. That wasn’t him.

“Some of the other guys were talking about going to Fifty-Fifty.”

Fifty-Fifty was a diner about ten minutes from here that was a hangout spot for Parkhurst students.

I’d never been myself since it was mostly where the popular kids—jocks, cheerleaders, that sort of thing—hung out and I definitely wasn’t part of that group.

It didn’t surprise me at all that the soccer players would go there after a game.

“I’m going,” Tiffany said. She was really trying to act like she was fine again since Sebastian hadn’t reacted to her comments about the sweater, and she practically threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and forcing him into a hug.

Sebastian looked at me over her shoulder. “Nellie, Ainsley, do you guys want to come?”

Even though it would have been super rude of him to talk about his plans if he wasn’t going to invite us, I was a little surprised by the direct invitation.

With what Tiffany had said about me the other day and how she was looking at me now, I was sure Sebastian would be trying to put some distance between us for her sake.

She must have thought the same, because when she pulled out of the hug again, the sour expression was back on her face.

I turned away, pretending to cough so she wouldn’t notice the laugh that I couldn’t hold back.

I hadn’t been planning to go out after the game—already, I’d had more socializing tonight than I was used to—but if it was something that made her look like that, then I was kind of tempted to.

But I wasn’t going to go without Ainsley.

This was her brother, after all, and I was just here as her guest. And much like Tiffany’s words were seared into my brain, Imogen’s words about all their friends obsessing over Sebastian were too.

Even though Sebastian and I had kissed, it was obvious that nothing further was going to happen between us, and I didn’t want to give Ainsley any reason to doubt why I’d agreed to hang out with her.

But Ainsley didn’t seem worried about it at all as she smiled and said, “Let’s do it.”

Ainsley

This girl is insane

I glanced across the dark car at Ainsley, who was just visible from the streetlights shining in through the windows as we whipped past them.

We’d met back up with Imogen while Sebastian showered after the game, but she told us to go ahead without her because she was tired, so then we all piled into Sebastian’s car.

Tiffany had immediately claimed the front seat, calling shotgun like she thought one of us was actually going to fight her for it, while Ainsley and I sprawled in the back.

I noted that I was still the only one that he told to buckle up before he took off, and Ainsley clearly found that hilarious as she snorted into her hand.

“Shut up,” I muttered, shoving her lightly in the shoulder.

Then I froze, because I wasn’t sure if we were close enough friends for me to do that.

I never really understood the rules of friendship, how close we had to be before I could do something like that.

But it just made her laugh harder, so I relaxed.

The text came through a minute later and in the limited passing light, I saw her dart her eyes toward Tiffany, who was getting angry with Sebastian for talking to some cheerleaders before the game.

Nora

So you don’t like her either?