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twenty-three

Before that moment, I never thought I could feel the world spinning. But as Dean’s words registered in my mind, I swore I could feel us all moving in circles, getting faster and faster with every word spoken after, making me dizzy.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sebastian asked. His voice was quieter now—no longer a yell, but an unbelieving whisper.

“Your dad,” Dean said. “I’m the one who saw him. He was out on a date with some woman at a restaurant. I saw him and I confronted him.”

Sebastian stared at him like he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. I couldn’t blame him, because I couldn’t believe them either.

“Lavender was out with her friends and she saw us in the parking lot of the restaurant. She heard the yelling and—” He cut himself off, dropped his head.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian. I thought I was doing the right thing by making him tell your mom.

I didn’t know that you...” His voice broke again. He looked away.

Sebastian looked at Lavender, his demeanour deflated. “You let us all think it was you.”

My thoughts caught on the word “all.” He and Ainsley and Imogen all thought Lavender was the one who confronted their dad. Did they all blame her the way that Sebastian had?

“I thought that was easier,” Lavender admitted in a quiet, broken voice.

“I thought it was easier for you to blame me than...” She slipped her hand into Dean’s and squeezed.

I watched it, feeling almost numb. “I’m your sister.

You have to live with me. I knew you would have to forgive me one day, but.

.. After the way you reacted, I was scared that if you knew it was Dean, then you would cut him off.

You would cut off your best friend just because of what happened.

I knew it would all be just misdirected anger at Dad. So, I let you blame me.”

Sebastian looked a little sick. He pressed a hand to his mouth and stumbled away.

“It was easier,” Lavender insisted a second time. “You all thought it was me anyway. It was for the best.”

“You two love each other,” Sebastian said, spinning back around, pointing at each of them. “You’re in love, right? Because you wouldn’t have done that for somebody you didn’t.”

“Well, it wasn’t about him,” Lavender said. Tears were flowing from her eyes. “Yes, I do love him, but I didn’t do it for him, Sebastian—I did it for you. I didn’t want you to have to lose one of the most important people in your life. Especially after you already lost Dad. ”

Sebastian looked a little like he was going to throw up. “I never meant to blame you. I didn’t want to blame you but...”

“But Dad wasn’t there,” Lavender finished for him. “How can you blame someone who’s gone?”

Tears burned in my eyes. My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I used it as an excuse to step away and answer it quietly. I wished I’d checked the caller ID though as I heard the voice on the other end.

“Are you home?” Mom asked without a hello.

Her voice was more tired than I’d heard it in a long time and I wondered if she felt just as exhausted by the day’s events as I did.

Of course, she hadn’t gone on a horrendous first date and had pop dumped on her after our fight, so her evening was probably going better than mine, but regardless, our argument had been ugly.

“No,” I said. “I’m out with Dean.”

I thought it was probably better to say Dean than to mention my date or Sebastian picking me up, especially with how angry she’d been with me this afternoon. Mom was silent for a good ten seconds before she said, “When you get home, I want to talk.”

I wanted to say no. I wanted to spend the night as far away from the house as possible, maybe even crash at the Novak’s house. But no wasn’t an option with Mom, so I sighed and said, “Okay. I’ll be home in an hour.”

I expected her to push back against the time and say I needed to be home sooner, but she just said a quiet, “Okay,” and hung up.

I glanced back at Lavender and Sebastian, who were still talking, then leaned against the hood of Sebastian’s car, leaving them the space to talk alone.

Dean appeared by my side a minute later.

I tensed up, thinking he was going to ask me about Sebastian and me or what we were doing out here, but instead he just held out a pack of gum.

I took a piece and popped it into my mouth, staring out at the city lights below.

“So,” Dean said, “tonight.”

“Tonight,” I responded, my voice tired. Then we both fell silent and just watched the quiet night.