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seventeen

For the second night in a row, I looked outside as I closed my curtains and saw Sebastian standing on the curb.

It was early enough in the evening this time that it wasn’t strange for him to be out there, and I probably wouldn’t have wondered about it at all if it wasn’t for the girl standing with him.

Sebastian was facing the street with only his heels on the curb and his hands shoved in his pockets.

Beside him, Tiffany was talking and moving her hands emphatically, looking really upset.

I couldn’t hear anything from up here, but it seemed like she was yelling.

And when her face turned toward my window a moment later, I realized that she was crying too.

Just like last night, I knew the right thing to do would be to close the curtains and pretend I hadn’t seen anything.

Give them the privacy they deserved. But I guess I was too curious to be a good person, because instead of stepping away, I pushed the window open.

Not far, but just enough that their voices could carry inside.

It was an otherwise quiet night, so Tiffany’s voice was crisp and clear, although it took me a minute to follow what she was saying, with them being mid-conversation.

“You said it wasn’t!” she yelled. “You said that this time was different.”

There was a pause long enough that I thought Sebastian must be saying something, but I didn’t catch the words. Tiffany punched him in the arm, cursing him, and he finally turned to look at her. Once he did, his voice started to carry.

“We said that last time would be the end!” he said. “You’re really mad about it? It was supposed to be over. We never should have done this.”

“You promised me!” She stabbed a finger at his chest. “You promised me that this time. You promised me that you wouldn’t leave this time.”

Sebastian threw his hand in the air. “And you promised me that last time. Didn’t stop you from making out with Ashton, did it?”

Tiffany scoffed and turned away. Sebastian rubbed a hand over his face, looking more tired than I’d ever seen him.

“We do this every time, Tiff. Have you ever wondered about that? We get together and we fight and fight until we can’t stand each other and we break up. Do you really want to do that for the rest of your life?”

The words made my heart sink because they were almost exactly what we had talked about last night.

Exactly what I had wanted him to see when I was asking if he loved Tiffany.

But with the way he talked about her, the way he talked about their relationship, how they kept coming back to each other, I didn’t expect him to break up with her.

“We can do it! We can last until the end of high school.”

“But why?” Sebastian asked, sounding genuinely confused and almost like he was begging for an answer. “Why do you want to?”

Tiffany turned away from him, coming to face the houses instead, and I quickly ducked down, hoping she wouldn’t notice me.

But her eyes weren’t trained on my house and even if they were, I could see her tears glittering in the moonlight.

I wasn’t sure she could see anything right now.

Sebastian stepped up behind her and lifted a hand, like he was going to put it on her shoulder in comfort but thought better of it, leaving it hovering there awkwardly.

“You don’t love me,” he said.

“ You don’t love me !” she snapped back.

“I know I don’t.” It was so matter-of-fact, so straight to the point, not even trying to hide the way that he felt.

I thought maybe that was why Tiffany broke down, wrapping her arms around herself and sobbing loudly.

Even though I didn’t like her at all, I did feel a pang of sympathy as I watched.

No matter who you were, getting broken up with had to suck.

“We do this every time,” he repeated. “Aren’t you sick of it?”

“It’s her , isn’t it?” Tiffany asked. “That’s why you’re doing this.”

“No,” Sebastian said immediately. “It’s not that.”

“Yes, it is!” Tiffany yelled. She whirled on him, shoving him hard in the chest. It barely had an effect on him, only making him take a tiny step back. “I know it’s her! Stop lying to me!”

Her voice was getting louder with every word she said, until it finally ended in a scream.

The words carried across the silent street, loud enough that I thought I would have heard it, even without opening my window.

They both froze, probably realizing how loud she’d been and waiting for somebody to open their door to see if they were all right.

But the street stayed quiet and front doors remained closed, though I did start to wonder if anyone else was watching them too.

The idea of them having an audience for this made my stomach twist, which probably made me hypocritical for watching. I pulled my window pane down again, deciding to give them some privacy back and moved to lay on my bed instead.

Tiffany and Sebastian had probably had more break ups in their relationship than most people had in their lifetimes, but even though I hadn’t witnessed the ones before this, I got the feeling this one was different.

This wasn’t a fight over her dancing with another guy at a party or him spending too much time with his friends instead of her—both of which had been the causes of previous break-ups, as I’d heard through the gossip mill.

I was sure those other breakups had never involved Sebastian saying he didn’t understand why she wanted to stay together until the end of high school or talking about the cycle they were stuck in.

All of that was because of what Sebastian and I had talked about the other day.

Even though I didn’t think she was right for him, and I knew that they weren’t in love, guilt gnawed at my heart as I realized that I might have caused this.

I told myself I was going to be good to him, and instead, I’d broken him and his girlfriend up.

That wasn’t my goal when I’d asked if he loved Tiffany.

In fact, it was why I hadn’t doubled down on the idea of there being some other girl out there for him, because I didn’t want to have to be the reason that they ended things.

But even with the best of intentions, I guess I caused it anyway.

Even with the window closed, I heard when Tiffany yelled, “Screw you, Sebastian!” at the top of her lungs.

I rolled off my bed to look out the window again, and by then, she was already gone.

Sebastian was alone on the sidewalk, with his head in his hands.

I gulped, hating that I was seeing this, hating that I was the reason for this.

It only got worse when he tilted his head up and made eye contact with me.

I thought he would be angry with me for watching them.

I thought he might put the pieces together like I had that none of this would have happened if it weren’t for me.

But instead, he raised a hand like he was waving at me.

And then he mouthed something, but in the dark, I couldn’t make it out.

So, I opened the window again, stuck my head out, and called down, “What?”

I probably should have expected that my voice would sound loud in the silent night, just like Tiffany’s had been, but I cringed anyway as I realized that there was a good chance my parents would hear that and come to see what I was doing.

I guess we’d have to be quick—and if they did come up, I would lie and say I was just talking loudly on the phone.

I was sure Mom would have something to say about not disturbing others with my loud voice, as if she was one to talk, but it would be better than admitting I was yelling down to a boy on the street.

Sebastian wrapped his hands around his mouth and called, “Come down!” He pulled his hands toward himself like he was gesturing for me to come to him.

It was too late at night for me to go outside without raising questions from my parents, and if I was gone for more than ten minutes, they would probably send out a search party.

But maybe this would be quick. I doubted Sebastian wanted to spend all that long talking to me after breaking up with Tiffany.

I’d never been through a breakup before—since that would involve actually going on a date first—but I always thought of it as a more solitary time.

Not a time where you ask your best friend’s little sister to come down and see you.

But was it fair of me to cause Sebastian to break up with his girlfriend and then leave him alone, abandoned down there? Probably not.

I held up two fingers toward Sebastian to tell him I’d be down in two minutes. He nodded and backed away, going back to standing at the end of his own driveway. Probably for the best, because if Dean looked out and saw him, I didn’t want him to realize Sebastian was waiting for me.

I slowly closed the window again, cringing as it clicked shut.

It was funny how when you were sneaking around, every little sound sounded like the biggest thing in the world.

Nobody would question me opening my window to get some fresh air, but here I was, panicking that it would lead to a series of a thousand questions .

I was already in my pajamas, so I pulled on the first clothes I could find, followed up by his black zip-up that he’d left me with again last night, promising myself that I’d give it back to him tonight.

But even as I made the promise to myself, I breathed in the scent of the hoodie, loving the way it smelled, knowing that I didn’t want to give it back.

Maybe if he didn’t expressly ask for it, I could keep it—it would be like a trophy, a reminder of all this time I’d spent with Sebastian Novak.

I tried to sneak silently down the stairs, but as it turned out, it wasn’t the quiet that I needed to worry about—it was the fact that my whole family was sitting in the living room watching some TV show.