Page 21

The sun had completely set by now and it was getting colder with every passing hour.

I shivered and crossed my arms to keep warm, only to remember that I was still wearing Sebastian’s zip-up sweater.

I probably should have given it back, right?

Sometime around when we got in the car, I should have handed it over and thanked him for letting me borrow it, even though it was Ainsley who had really grabbed it for me.

But it was cold and I needed it. And, as much as I hated myself for thinking it, it was Sebastian’s sweater, which was reason enough for me to want to continue wearing it.

It smelled like him, and it was big and cozy and soft.

Even though I knew that nothing could ever happen between me and Sebastian, it wasn’t fair that I could get this little piece of him.

I could imagine for a minute that he had given me this sweater because he wanted me to have it.

I almost laughed at myself as I thought it.

There was no wonder his girlfriend was so jealous.

She probably knew what I was thinking. I bet she could see it on my face, even if he couldn’t.

And how could I blame her for being so territorial over him, when half the girls at school were probably trying to make moves on him?

He was sweet, funny, and one of the only good jocks out there.

Of course she got jealous when he paid attention to other girls—wouldn’t I be the same?

“You okay?” I turned at the voice, both surprised and not at all surprised that Sebastian was behind me.

He’d changed after the game, now wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and his blue and white varsity jacket.

I half-expected him to give Tiffany the jacket when he came out of the locker room earlier to make up for me wearing his sweater, but she did already have a jacket on, so I guess he hadn’t seen the need.

“Your girlfriend’s waiting for you inside,” I said. I didn’t want to add even more fuel to her fire now. Maybe a little bit because I knew she was right.

Sebastian glanced back at the glass and shrugged. “She’s talking to some linebacker. She’ll be fine for a while. Are you okay?”

“Any reason I shouldn’t be?” I asked, turning away from him again to face the parking lot.

It was dark and almost deserted over here, since this was just the overflow parking from the front, which wasn’t needed much on a weekday night like this.

Beyond the parking lot, there was an empty lot, probably waiting to be turned into some new restaurant or apartment building, then the main street further down.

I focused on the neon lights shining out from the McDonald’s and the bowling alley across the way to stop myself from noticing Sebastian.

I should have known that it would be impossible to ignore him, though.

I could feel his presence as he came to stand beside me, his arm brushing mine and the smell of his shampoo becoming all I could breathe in.

It conjured mental images of him in the locker room that I pushed away as fast as they appeared.

I felt, more than saw, him shrug. “I don’t know, you just seem off tonight. Figured there might be something you want to talk about.”

There was something I wanted to talk about.

I wanted to talk about the kiss. I wanted to tell him what it meant to me, what it should have meant to him, what I wished we could have now.

I wanted to know if he had thought about it since that moment.

But I couldn’t ask him about that. Not here.

Not now. And I didn’t want to have to be the one to bring it up anyway.

It was enough that I had given in to the kiss at all.

Couldn’t he at least want to talk about it?

But maybe it wasn’t fair of me to want that.

To him, it had all been a game. To me, it was everything, but to him it was just some party game that he probably forgot about by the next morning.

My nails dug into my arm as I imagined him waking up and scrolling through the photos the next morning, deleting them one by one.

I imagined him lying there, trying to remember who each girl had been.

Who was the one with the red sunglasses?

Who was the one with blonde hair? Who was the one wearing the jean skirt?

Sebastian sighed, probably annoyed by my silence.

“Thanks for coming to the game. I…” He cleared his throat and my heart sank, waiting for whatever he had come out here to say.

Sure, he asked if I was okay, but that was just the opener.

He was probably here on Tiffany’s behalf, ready to tell me to take off the sweater or that he couldn’t drive me around anymore.

It was for the best, I knew, but I hated it all the same.

“I think Ainsley really appreciates having you around.”

I looked up in surprise. Of anything I thought he was going to say, I didn’t expect him to bring up Ainsley.

Surely his girlfriend and her clear hatred of me should have been higher up on his mind.

But then I thought of how shy Ainsley had been since I’d met her and the sad look on her face when she talked about her summer in the library.

Maybe the reason he wasn’t worried about Tiffany right now was because he knew he had bigger things to be focusing on.

“We’re friends,” I told him.

“I know. It’s just been a rough couple of months and…” If I hadn’t known better, I could have sworn he sounded like he was getting a little choked up. “I guess it’s just shaken us all up. And I’ve been worried about her and trying to take care of her, but there’s only so much I can do…”

The words seemed to come tumbling out of him and I watched silently, not wanting to interrupt.

I only realized then that when Tiffany said he had enough going on in his own family, she hadn’t offered him any sort of comfort.

She hadn’t said it in the way one might expect of a loving girlfriend, with a comforting hand on his shoulder or with a mention that he could always talk to her.

She’d been so focused on me and her annoyance at him driving me around that she hadn’t taken a moment to ask about him.

I glanced carefully over my shoulder at the glass door behind us.

From what I could see, the hallway inside was empty, but that could change at any moment.

Tiffany could show up any second, demanding for her boyfriend to come back.

Moving any closer to him than I was right now was practically opening myself up to being torn apart by his jealous girlfriend.

But I couldn’t help myself from stepping up and wrapping an arm around him in a semi-hug—less personal than I would have done with any of my other friends, but more than I’d ever done to him.

“Sebastian,” I said softly. His head was tucked against me and I could feel his breath against my ear, coming in quick bursts, like he was holding himself back from crying.

It had been a month and a half since his dad left, a month and a half since the day he’d suddenly been forced to step up and take care of his family, and I wondered how many times he’d ever managed to let his guard down enough to be able to feel it. “Are you okay?”

The question was bigger than just asking how he was right this moment.

I knew everyone in his family was trying their best right now, just trying to keep themselves together and get by, but the way his hand tightened on the back of my shirt made me wonder if anyone had thought to ask that of him—when I was positive he had asked them all every day since it happened .

At first, I thought he wasn’t going to answer. I wasn’t going to push him to, especially not to me, when realistically, I probably wasn’t the person he wanted to open up to. But then he murmured softly in my ear, “None of us are okay.”

My breath caught in my chest and my heart ached—for him, for Ainsley, for their family, and their whole world that got torn apart from their dad’s mistake. Did Mr. Novak know the gaping wound he was leaving in his wake when he walked away? Did he care?

I wished I had something deep and profound to say to Sebastian to make it all better, but I was at a loss. I wasn’t prepared for this. I had no experience to compare this to, nothing in my life that made me feel like I knew how to talk him through this.

As if reading my thoughts, Sebastian stepped away, taking a shuddering breath and running a hand through his hair. I felt like I could see his walls going back into place, locking up all his feelings behind that smile he always had on.

And I knew I had to say something, even if it sounded stupid. Something for him to know that he could open up to me like this, that I would always be here for him. I knew he needed to be strong for his family, but I also wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be strong for me.

“Sebastian, I?—”

“There you are, silly.” Of course, Tiffany chose that moment to appear out the back door. She came up to Sebastian, running her hand through his hair as she looked at me with a frown. “And Ainsley’s waiting for you, Nora.”

I watched Sebastian’s face, waiting for a sign that he wanted me to stay.

I was sure Ainsley would be fine without me, at least for another minute or two, but I wasn’t sure if Sebastian would be fine alone with Tiffany after what just happened.

But he just tilted his head toward the door, telling me to go.

“Yeah,” I said, backing away. Tiffany watched my every movement like a hawk, as if she thought I might be trying to pull a fast one on her. “I guess I’ll head in. Are you guys coming in too?”

“We’ll be there in a minute,” Tiffany said in a sickly sweet voice. I hated the way that she spoke for him, the way that she didn’t even give him the chance to say anything for himself. I stayed, waiting for Sebastian to respond himself.

He nodded. “Yeah, be there in a minute. And if the waitress comes back, you can just let her know that we’re still deciding.”

I nodded, shooting one last glance at Tiffany before stepping inside.

But I didn’t go all the way in. Much like the day I’d heard them arguing on the porch, I hovered in the doorway, leaving the door propped open just enough that I could hear the conversation going on out there, while pressing myself up against the wall so they couldn’t see me.

“Don’t you think we should get some alone time ?” Tiffany said, emphasizing the words in a way that made me want to gag. “I never get any time with you anymore.”

“You know things have been bad for me, Tiffany,” he said. I couldn’t see them easily because I was trying to stay out of sight of the glass, but I could hear some shuffling like he was moving away from her. “I have other things I need to be focused on right now. ”

She scoffed. “That’s what you keep saying, but you’re not doing anything.”

“I’m taking care of my family,” he said. “Isn’t that enough for you?”

“It’s not about it being enough for me?—”

“Isn’t it?” he asked. And then they both went silent. I wanted to wait there and see if anything else was said, but I realized that they were probably going to be coming back in at any second now, so I quickly ducked away and headed back for the table, sliding in next to Ainsley.

“Sorry,” I told her. “I wasn’t expecting Sebastian to come after me. I didn’t mean to leave you alone with Tiffany.”

She waved me off. “Oh, don’t worry. She’s not nearly as bad to me as she is to you. She knows that I hold some sway over Sebastian, so she can’t be too mean to me.”

I wondered what she meant by that—some sway over Sebastian.

I wondered how much he would listen to her when it came down to it.

And then, even though I knew I shouldn’t be thinking it, I wondered what she would say if I started dating him.

Would she tell him I wasn’t good enough?

Would she tell him to back off? Or would she be okay with it because she knew that she was okay with me?

I didn’t see how I could be any worse than Tiffany, and Ainsley hadn’t told Sebastian to break up with her.

But maybe it was different. Tiffany wasn’t Ainsley’s friend or connected to her life in any way, other than going to the same school.

I was Ainsley’s partner in a class, on her swim team, and, I hoped, her friend.

Would me getting with her brother ruin all of that for her?

If she finally felt like she had a friend and then I just went and stomped all over it, would she ever forgive me?

I’d seen it happen time and time again with Dean.

The way girls would try to get close to me so they could get close to him.

Then, once I’d served their purpose, they would forget that I even existed as all they did was flirt with him.

I didn’t want her to think I was here just for that.

Sure, the kiss had changed things between me and Sebastian, but maybe I needed to move past that now.

If the last couple of days had shown me anything, it was that the Novak siblings needed more people in their corner, and that was what I would be.