Page 33

Cyrus

“M ama? …Mama!”

It takes everything in me to fight the guilt eating away at my chest as Ciel searches around the room for her. I look up from my work to see him walking to the end table, pulling up the linen to look for her. His gaze shifts vigorously around my study, trying to find his mother.

It’s been like this for a week. He wakes up looking for her, growing fussy when she doesn’t show. That’s why I’ve been taking care of him most of the days, but after a while, he grows tired of me and wants her.

“She isn’t here,” I say.

Ciel turns quickly at the sound of my voice, his brow furrowing as he takes in the meaning of my words. I bite my tongue to say anything negative about her, looking back to the papers in front of me when Ciel screeches.

“Mama! Mamamama! Maaama!”

The door to my study opens, and the maidservant, who usually watches over him, tries to enter. But I hold my hand up, stopping her. I continue to watch her until she leaves the room before making my way to where Ciel stands. His face is now red from screaming.

I scoop him up, rubbing my hand lightly on his back.

“I know,” I murmur.

Ciel doesn’t understand why she isn’t here, and that upsets him. I inhale deeply as I make my way out of my study with him in my arms, ignoring the servants who bow as I pass. Ciel gently lays his head against my chest, listening to the sound of my heart as we trek through the palace, trying to find his own sanity in this situation.

The halls feel empty, the world feels dark, and my chest aches. This all began because I was an immature beast bound to my lust. I overstepped. I allowed my enemy to live, chalking it up to fate whatever happened to her when I should have killed her the moment I laid eyes on her.

When I think back to the moment that changed the course of my life, I try and pinpoint what I was thinking when I spared her life. There were so many justifiable moments and opportunities to kill her, as I did plenty of slaves around her without remorse. But when it came to placing that fate upon her, my body refused. Now that I have once again removed her from my life, I do not feel at peace.

I feel dead.

Ciel and I are the same.

I continue my trek through the palace until I end up at the renovated wing. The guards bow slightly as I pass through the double doors, making my way up the steps. I pause in front of the portraits of my parents, causing the ache in my chest to grow heavier. I focus on my mother, her soft smile sending a slight ease through me. I hadn’t spoken of her death since the day it happened. My father forbade her name to be spoken within the walls after her death, and I upheld that tradition. It’s dangerous for word to get out of my mother’s bloodline. Not only has it been passed to me, but to Ciel as well.

I look down at him, his curious gaze focused on my mother. The emptiness I’ve felt throughout my life is because of my mother’s sudden death. I was angry with Anna when I spoke, but this week has proven to me that I can’t keep them apart. The sound of her cries as I left the estate continues to haunt me, and they have been accompanied by Ciels as the week progressed.

I turn away from my parents, making my way to the chambers Annalise and I were to share. Ciel’s crib sits next to the bed, his toys on the floor. The ache in my chest grows as I sit on the edge of the bed, putting Ciel down. Just as I predicted, he makes his way to the dress she wore the night of the dinner that is strewn across the chair.

I was excited about this new step we were to take together. I let myself get lost in the excitement, not picking up the signs that she wasn't ready. I tried to force her into a role she could never comfortably remain in, and all the while, I had hoped her love for Ciel could make her overlook our differences. But she sees Ciel as having human blood in his veins. She refuses to acknowledge what he will become—what he has already exhibited.

Her startled expression as I smashed my head against hers dances across my mind.

“Fuck,” I whisper, dropping my head into my hands.

“I have been nothing but loyal to you. I have let you have your way with me. I have bent to your will, Cyrus. Do not punish me like this. Do not do this to me. If you do this, I will never be the same.”

Yet, she went against her natural instinct to fight me for him. I think of all the times I watched her interact with Ciel. There was never any malice in her gaze whenever she looked at him. There was never any hatred for what he was. She saw him as her son. And once, that was enough for me. I loved seeing her enjoy the child I gave to her—the child she bore, knowing who his father was and what he would be.

Each time Anna became violent, it was for Ciel because of the threat of taking him from her. A bitter chuckle escapes me. When I look at the way Anna loves Ciel, I see my mother. My mother died protecting me. Anna would do the same for Ciel, her child, the son of the beast she hates.

I smile softly as Ciel bunches the material in his fist, bringing it to his face.

Anna may see Ciel as her son, but she sees my people as an enemy of her own. I gave her constant chances to prove she could be the queen of the beasts, but she failed. And now, I have sent her away. I silently watch Ciel as he gets comfortable in her dress.

For once, I just don’t know what to do.

I will never allow humans to be a part of my empire. But why is Annalise the exception?

“Dada!”

I’m pulled from my thoughts as Ciel screams at me. He’s smiling, pleased with himself, as he holds his mother’s dress. He holds up the fistful of fabric, frantically waving it at me. He looks just like her as he smiles at me, and I find it harder to fight the longing ache in my chest.

“Let’s have a visit then, shall we?”

I move to pick up Ciel when I sense something. It’s faint; the sound of footsteps. I quickly snatch up Ciel, moving to the hidden room I had built behind the bookcase. I quickly pull back the hidden lever, listening as the gears creak and the door pops open. I pull the bookcase forward, placing Ciel inside. The footsteps are more hurried now, accompanied by the clink of armor. There are a lot of them.

I look back at Ciel.

“Stay here. Stay quiet until I come back for you.”

His eyes are wide, and I take the opportunity to study his features one last time. His hair came out my color, and his eyes match that of beasts as well. But his features are all his mother's. He smiles at me, giggling softly as I study him.

“I will be back,” I say.

I push the bookcase closed, moving across the room. I keep my gaze focused on the door, allowing my inner beast to manifest itself. As I shift, the sounds of the palace become more prominent. There are screams in the distance. We are under attack.

The door to the chamber is opened, revealing beasts in armor. My gaze shifts to the random parts of their bodies covered in smoke. They are weak.

“I hope you have made peace with your lives. Because I am about to end them.”