Page 11
Annalise
T oday is not a day with Ciel, and I am partially glad for that. I don’t want him to see me like this, unsure and frightened. I want him to always see me as strong. And if what Cyrus says is true, and Ciel can somehow understand me, I want him to have the memory of his mother, never being frightened.
But Felix’s words to me the other night have planted more doubt in my mind than I care to acknowledge. The beast world and culture are starkly different from the one I grew up in. It’s vicious, trampling over the weak to ensure the hierarchy they built it on truly reigns supreme. And though I rank low in that hierarchy, my son ranks higher than all, making me a liability to his life.
A knock sounds twice before the door is opened, and Joan enters with a determined gleam in her eyes. Her attention shifts to me, her gaze narrowing as she takes in my pathetic state. She releases a huff, placing the tray of food on the small table near the window and pulling back the curtains to let in the natural light.
I flinch as the bright light irritates my sensitive eyes from crying most of the night. When I look over at Joan, she is watching me with an irritated expression, snatching my robe from its place to usher me out of bed.
“Get up. No more wallowing,” she says quickly.
I have no choice but to follow her orders as she leads me to the small table and begins pouring me a cup of tea. She eyes me briefly in the silence before speaking.
“A decree was received from the king this morning. You have been given a title. You are now a noble to be recognized within the beast society. The staff within the estate has been informed of your new status. And while you may be human, none of us are above this title. You must learn to embody it and carry yourself as if you were one of us. You are no longer a human. You are the mother to the heir of the beast empire. And as the king has bestowed this honor upon you, you are the apple of his eye,” she says.
My eyes remain lowered as I try and comprehend what this means. I never asked for any of this. Everyone blames me for having Ciel, but no one has bothered to ask why I did it. No one has bothered to acknowledge the love that I hold for him. No one has thought about why I ran away, taking the heir with me, why I moved constantly, hoping never to be caught. And now, the opportunity for any kind of life away from this has been swiftly removed. Cyrus has placed me right in the center of his people.
I hear Joan’s irritated sigh at my silence before she lifts the plate in front of me and drops it on the table to catch my attention.
“Drink and eat. You will not pout. You no longer have that luxury. This is your life now; accept that fact and embrace it wholly,” she says.
The cup is warm as I bring it to my lips, the light flavor of the tea accompanied by warmth.
“You are lucky. You are a very beautiful human. Anyone with eyes can see why the king would be infatuated with you, but you must convince the kingdom why he chose you to mother his child and one day be his queen,” she adds.
Joan’s gaze is intense as she watches me. She’s as frightening as the rest of her kind, with her ability to hear my heart and smell my fear. My eyes brim with unshed tears, and I try to look away, but she grips my chin, holding my gaze. Her expression softens slightly as does her voice as she tries to offer me comfort.
“This is an honor. I know it doesn’t seem like it in your eyes, but it is. You must prove that you deserve this, or it will be the prince who suffers for it,” she says.
Joan releases me, gesturing to the plate as she makes her way to the door.
“Hurry and eat. The general is expecting you at the sparring sessions this morning.”
I quickly eat what I can before getting ready for the day. For once, instead of Joan assisting me in getting ready, a handful of servants arrive to slip me into a much more elegant gown than the ones I’ve been wearing. The color is a soft green with white accents that hugs my curves before flaring out at my hips. Once I’m dressed, the servants style my hair in an updo, leaving a few strands to tuck behind my ears.
I note that they all watch me much more curiously than they have in the past. And it shocks me when they each stand back, lowering their heads as they wait for me to make my exit.
When I pull open the door, I am shocked to see Dimitri standing with his back to me, fully healed.
“Dimitri?” I murmur his name, but he hears me and turns to face me with a blank expression. He takes me in briefly before bowing.
“Your Grace,” he says softly.
“You’re okay,” I say in a strained whisper.
I almost reach for his face as I used to when we were kids but I fight the urge as both Felix and Joan’s warnings come to mind. I am now being watched.
Dimitri avoids eye contact with me, turning away for me to follow him.
“Yes. Felix sent for a healer last night,” he says.
I lower my head as my guilt once again comes alive.
“I’m sorry for what I said. I had no idea—“
“Please don’t waste your apologies on me. Danielle was out of line. You were never supposed to know of the circumstances behind seeing your son again. I’m sorry you were burdened with this information,” he says.
I flinch from his words. They’re so cold. But it’s what I deserve after the things I said to him.
“I don’t understand you, Dimitri. Why would you go so far for me?” I ask.
Dimitri releases a sigh as we approach a hall that leads into another wing of the estate.
“My loyalty will always lie with Felix. He knows this, and I know this. But if it doesn’t affect him, I can put my body on the line for judgment. I promised Paul I would take care of you, and this is the least I could do for once. I’m just sorry I can’t do more,” he says with his back to me.
A wave of sadness hits me as I study him. In my rage, I forgot we were both forced into these situations. Unlike me, Dimitri can’t birth an heir. He can only pledge himself to Felix. My eyes shift to his ribs. He’s wearing a loose white shirt today. But I know underneath that fabric lies a seal.
I shudder to think of the night Cyrus gave me his seal. Did Dimitri have to go through what I did? Or was Felix crueler than Cyrus? I don’t have the strength to ask, so I remain silent for the rest of our time together as we head to our destination.
As we enter the training grounds, Felix is already shirtless and sweaty, holding a menacing-looking sword. His thick cords of muscle flex as he moves to spar against his men, a grin of excitement on his lips. Two beasts attack him simultaneously with a speed I can barely keep up with, but Felix dodges and easily bests both of them, knocking them to the ground.
Felix stands tall, helping the beasts up before turning to face us. His gaze lingers on me as we approach, and out of instinct, I bow in greeting. Felix chuckles, placing the tip of his blade under my chin to lift my gaze. I note that Dimitri is tense next to me as he watches the exchange.
Felix’s gaze holds mine, and I don’t know what to think as he continues to watch me, testing me somehow.
“That’s enough, Felix.”
Dimitri and I are startled as a familiar voice enters the arena. Felix lowers his blade just in time for me to turn to watch the king of the beasts himself approach. Dimitri bows next to me, and I move to kneel as I’ve been trained to do, but Felix roughly snatches my arm, preventing me from doing so.
“You are a duchess now. You do not kneel before the king. Kneeling is for peasants,” he growls.
Cyrus chuckles, pulling both of our attention. He stands over me, his dark gaze roaming over my face with interest before he speaks.
“I’m sure she will learn quickly,” he says.
I don’t know how I could in such a short time, but I somehow forgot what it feels like to be under the scrutiny of Cyrus’s piercing gaze. His dark eyes shift slightly as he takes me in, and I can’t find it in me to move. I feel the way I felt the day I met him by the river, paralyzed with fear. And he enjoys it. I see it in the way he fights his smile and lets his irritation shine through.
“A bow is still necessary, Annalise,” he says.
My eyes widen as I grasp his words to me. Fingers trembling, I grip the front of my dress, pulling it up to bow properly.
“Your Majesty,” I murmur.
My voice betrays my feelings. I don’t know if Cyrus has remedied his anger toward me or if it has gotten worse in his absence. I wasn’t even aware he was returning today. I don’t think anyone was other than Felix, who doesn’t seem shocked in the least to see him standing over us.
“Go wait for me at the entrance,” Cyrus says.
His tone is commanding—the same tone he uses as king. I bow once again, giving my farewell to the beasts around me before heading in the direction I came with Dimitri. Once I reach the entrance, I look at where Cyrus and Felix are standing. Cyrus says something to Felix that deciphering is all but impossible at this distance. But he does not look happy. To my shock, Felix’s expression darkens, but he bows his head in submission before Cyrus comes in my direction.
I take him in as he approaches. Cyrus has always been an intimidating beast, and since his arrival back into my life, I’ve been wary of his presence. But he has changed. I know it’s there. I see it in the way he watches everyone around him. His actions are more calculated, as opposed to the way he was driven by emotion in the past.
“Come.” Cyrus’s tone is sharp as he speaks, passing me without waiting. He proceeds up the hallway, expecting me to follow, but I look back to where Felix stands. He has a wicked smile on his lips as he watches Cyrus walk away, his gaze shifting to me.
“Dimitri.” He calls out to him while holding my gaze.
Dimitri doesn’t hesitate in making his way to where Felix stands, forcing him to break my gaze to focus on Dimitri. A ghost of a smile plasters itself across his lips as he threads his fingers through Dimitri’s hair, pulling him in to kiss him possessively, and Dimitri complies with his actions wholeheartedly.
“Annalise!” I tense at the sound of Cyrus’s voice, forcing myself to look away from Dimitri. Felix is obviously trying to get under my skin, and I have more to worry about than his erratic behavior. Especially now that the king is back, and I have no idea what his plans are.
I quickly make my way into the estate, my nerves getting the best of me the closer I come to catching up with Cyrus. I felt safer when I was around Felix and Dimitri. But now I am going to be alone with Cyrus, and I am going to find out just how much his rage has increased in his absence.
We continue in silence until we finally reach the wing where Cyrus resides. He makes his way knowingly through until we reach the drawing room. Already, two servants stand silently on either side of the doors, holding them open for our approach.
“Bring my son,” Cyrus says as he passes the servants.
They silently bow, keeping their eyes down, as Cyrus and I pass into the room. The drawing room is bright as the sun shines through the open windows. I don’t know what Cyrus wants from me, so I stand silently in the center of the room, listening to the sound of the doors closing behind me.
Cyrus makes his way to the windows, looking out over the estate. His presence is much more intimidating than Felix’s, his silence fueling my anxious mood.
“You have yet to thank me for your title,” he says, breaking the silence.
Cyrus turns to face me, his brow raising slightly when I don’t respond. I try and focus on Felix’s words to me last night as I look Cyrus in the eyes. I am a noble now. I know how important the beast hierarchy is, and even though I am beneath the king, I still have the right to speech that I did not have as a slave.
“I don’t understand why you have given me such an important position, Your Majesty,” I say.
Cyrus studies me for a moment before a smile cracks his lips. He shakes his head making his way across the room, standing over me as he speaks. His close proximity forces me to angle my head just to look him in the eyes.
“Did Felix even try to teach you our ways?” he says, eyeing me.
His finger gently presses under my chin as he studies me.
“Stand up straight, Annalise. Your beauty may rival that of any beast, but I can tell you were raised among peasants your entire life,” he says.
My cheeks burn from his words, and I try to stand taller. His eyes shift to my hands, and I tense when he places his own beneath them, raising them to my waist.
“Clasped.”
My hands clasp in front of me, a sigh of relief leaving me when he severs the contact. His hand drifts to my chest, resting gently as he looks into my eyes.
“Stop breathing so heavily. It reveals how anxious you are. And you should never be frightened around any beasts. You are the mother to the heir. Your weakness is his weakness until he is old enough to defend himself,” he says.
Cyrus lowers his hand, allowing me to breathe, and I am suddenly aware of how shaky my breaths are now that he has pointed it out.
“As for ‘why,’ you are in no position to ask those kinds of questions. You may be noble on paper, but you are still a human and a traitor to my empire. Do not forget that,” he says.
I try to lower my gaze, but he catches my chin.
“Look me in the eyes.”
His gaze swallows me whole, the deep color a turmoil of emotion I don’t understand.
“Now, tell me you understand,” he says.
“I understand, Your Majesty,” I say.
He frowns, slightly disappointed with something, but he doesn’t elaborate.
Cyrus eyes me in the silence, the light knock on the door pulling our attention. The door pushes open to reveal the servant who comes and goes with Ciel. She greets Cyrus with a smile, completely ignoring my presence.
“Are you going to greet the duchess?” he asks with an irritated gleam in his eyes.
The beast pauses, looking in my direction. There’s disdain in her gaze as she takes me in but she greets me nonetheless before handing Ciel over to Cyrus. Ciel is ecstatic to see his father, his eyes lighting up and his arms reaching joyously toward him as his father takes him in his arms.
Cyrus’s expression visibly softens, a smile forming on his lips as he takes Ciel.
There it is.
His relaxed guard. It’s the same way he once looked at me in the late hours of the night as time went on and he began to soften toward me. It was this look that made me feel there was hope in my situation. I never aimed to fight Cyrus or save humankind. I only aimed to survive. It is why I tried to prove my loyalty to him. But he no longer looks at me this way. He is on guard and distant. He is still angry with me meaning the reasoning behind giving me this title isn’t because he wants to. It’s because he has to, and something big is coming to make it so.
“I’ve missed you too,” he murmurs gently, smiling at his son.
The way Cyrus looks at Ciel should make me feel guilty for taking his son away over the past year, but I don’t feel guilt. Only anger that Cyrus has now been brought into his life. I wanted to raise Ciel away from this. I wanted my son to be free from the beast’s society and rules. But Ciel seems to be enamored with the beast society and adores his father. I have lost him to the hierarchy in a matter of months.
I never envisioned Cyrus as a good father. Honestly, I never envisioned him as a father, especially to the child I would birth. In my mind’s eye, I always saw Dimitri holding my child to him with a smile, cradling the being we created together out of love.
I almost laugh at the bitter turn my life has taken since Cyrus barreled into it.
The king of the beasts of all beings in the world is the father of my child. And he holds my son as if he is the most important thing in his life. He handles him gently and cradles him close to his chest. He loves him so much that he is giving his kingdom to him one day.
It’s nothing like the life I envisioned.
Cyrus gently lets Ciel down and comes to stand next to me, and I watch in awe as Ciel’s gaze follows the motion.
“Do you know what I see when I look at him?” he asks, “The impossible.”
Cyrus’s hand gently rests over my stomach, and when I look up, he is focused on his palm, gently pressing against me. My eyes widen slightly as I study his expression. It remains soft as he looks up at me.
“You have given me the impossible, Annalise. That is why you have been given a title,” he says.
I inhale deeply before responding.
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” I murmur.
Cyrus laughs softly, stepping away from me to grab Ciel from the ground.
“Of course.”