Page 69 of Worse Than Murder

‘Not at the moment. I’m getting over a frozen shoulder. It’ll be another few weeks before I’m allowed back in the water.’

‘You seem to be enjoying your job.’

‘I love it,’ he says, a beaming smile on his face.

I hand him a coffee from the tray, and we go over to sit on the trunk of a felled tree. Aaron fills me in on everything that has happened since he left South Yorkshire Police. He’s currently dating Emma Maguire and has been for the past six months. It’s not serious. He has no intention to remarry. He realises he’s not suited to a constrained life that the job and marriage brought. He likes that one day he could be working in Birmingham, the next in the Lake District, the one after in Cornwall. It’s a wonderful life for him.

‘You’re happy,’ I say. I’m tempted to ask him what that feeling is like, but I don’t.

‘I am,’ he says without giving it any thought. ‘How are you doing?’

‘I won’t lie to you, Aaron, I’m falling apart. I’ve no idea what to do next. I can’t stay with the Meagans forever.’

‘I heard you managed to reunite Carl with his family. How are they?’

‘They’re doing great. He’s thirteen now. He’s a bit quiet for a teenager, but it’s understandable given what he’s been through.’

‘How long have you been hiding out here?’

‘About a month.’

‘When do you think you’ll go back to Sheffield?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t think I want to go back. Not to the job anyway.’

‘Have you resigned?’

‘No. I’m on compassionate leave. I’ve been told to take as long as I need.’

‘Then, do that. Stay here. Go travelling. Have a holiday. Work for a charity for six months delivering aid to war-torn countries. Moping about here won’t do you any good. You need to recharge your batteries. Refocus.’

I nod. He’s right. ‘I’ve tried to refocus. I go running and swimming every day. I’ll have my ear pods in listening to early Stereophonics then, all of a sudden, I’m hit in the face with reality. My entire family is dead. They’re dead because of me. I could have stopped it. It really is like hitting a brick wall. Until I can silence that, I can’t move on.’

‘Oh, Mat,’ he says, putting his arm around me and rubbing my back. It’s soothing. I like it.

I look out at the water as a lone diver begins to slowly walk out. ‘Don’t they go down in teams of two?’

‘No. One diver goes down. Another stands on the side with the guide rope that’s attached to the main diver. He’s all togged up ready to go in if needed.’

‘How long can he stay under with the oxygen tank on his back?’

‘It’s not oxygen. It’s compressed air. And he’s not using that to breathe through. That’s for emergencies. Basically, what he’s doing is going down to look at the car and see how best to bring it out. We’re thinking of bringing in a crane and lifting it out by attaching cables to the axles. We just need to see what condition the car is in, if it’s been down for as long as the local police suspect. Chassis are pretty tough so it should be able to be pulled out.’

I watch Aaron as he takes me through the role of SRUK.

‘You’re really settled, aren’t you?’

He can’t hide his smile. ‘I am. I love this job. I always wanted to be a detective. I thought I was going to be one until I retired. It wasn’t until I left that I realised how uptight and stressed I was. I feel so much freer doing this.’

‘I’m really happy for you, Aaron.’

‘Thank you. By the way, can you dive?’

‘I’ve never done it. Why?’

‘We’re hiring.’

I let out a guttural laugh. ‘I might be able to manage with diving, but I’ve seen your website. There’s no way I’m going in abandoned mines and caves.’ I shudder at the thought.