Page 54 of Wish Upon a K-Star
I hurry across the hall, knocking on Minseok’s door frantically instead of using the doorbell.
How did this information get leaked? I haven’t even said yes yet. I need to tell Minseok before he sees this.
When he opens the door, I try to scan his face. Try to see if he looks upset. But Minseok’s expression is neutral. Maybe he hasn’t read the articles.
“Are you okay? You look upset.” Is his voice more distant? Colder? Or am I just being paranoid?
“I needed to tell you something important.”
“Sure.” He opens the door to let me in.
When I do, I hurry to toe off my shoes while he walks into the kitchen.
I find him at the fridge, pulling out a Coke before offering me the brand of iced Americano I like.
I start to say I’m fine, but then I take it, needing something to do with my hands.
“Did you read the article?” I blurt out. I can’t take the anxiety of not knowing.
“I did,” he says, before taking a long sip of his Coke. Why isn’t he reacting—being surprised or upset or anything? He’s just blank.
The thing that scares me the most is that I’ve known him long enough to know that when Minseok gets really, truly angry, it’s not intense or hot. It’s cold like frost. I’ve been watching him icing out his own best friend—I know he’s capable of doing it to me, too.
“I wasn’t keeping it from you,” I start to say frantically.
He holds up a hand. “You’re not the first person to keep secrets, Hyeri. You won’t be the last.”
I can’t tell if he sounds angry or not, and it’s playing havoc with my nerves. “I just needed time to think.”
“Well, you’ve had a week now, have you made up your mind?”
I start to list out my excuses when I finally catch what he said. “How do you know it’s been a week?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he says. “I think you should take the role.”
“What?” I’m still reeling that he knew this whole time.
“It’s a good opportunity. It means what we did with OCM worked. You can’t let this chance go.”
“But we said that we were going to—”
“You didn’t want this to be serious between us. Isn’t something like this the reason? So we could be free to take a big opportunity without having to worry about the other person?”
“No.” I shake my head. That wasn’t my intention. That makes it all sound so cold, so calculating. “It was because I didn’t know what I wanted us to be.”
“Now you don’t have to decide,” Minseok points out, drinking the last of his Coke before turning to rinse the can in the sink.
“Are you angry at me?” I can’t help but ask.
He sighs, pressing his hands into the counter to lean on them a moment. As if the effort to hold up his own weight is suddenly too taxing. “There’s a reason you didn’t tell me about the role, isn’t there?”
“I’m sorry—” I start to say, but Minseok stops me.
“I think you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to talk you out of it.”
It feels like he’s putting words in my mouth, but I can’t find the right way to dispute it.
Minseok nods, like he’s taking my silence as confirmation. “I’m just trying to keep this uncomplicated. I messed up once with you when I pushed you away for my career. I’m telling you that I’m okay if you choose yours now.”
This past week, I’d been avoiding even thinking about the role. Or what I was going to do about it. But suddenly, hearing Minseok tell me to take it, to leave him, I feel a cold flash of fear. I don’t think I can do this. “What if I stay? Can’t we—”
“What?” He does turn now, incredulity flashing across his handsome features. “Are you seriously talking about giving up something so big? For what? A non-relationship?”
My breath gets caught in my throat at the surprise of seeing his anger. “That’s how you saw us?” I gasp out. Great, it sounds like I’m about to cry. Embarrassment weaves through me.
“Hyeri, you’ve worked too hard to get where you are. Didn’t you tell me that you wanted to show the antis they couldn’t push you down? This is your chance.”
“But there can be other chances. You and I—”
He shakes his head, cutting me off. “No, I can’t be responsible for you passing this up. You’ll end up resenting me for it. I don’t want that responsibility.”
I need to take a minute to gather myself before I respond. “You don’t want the responsibility ? I’m not a child.”
“Then stop acting like one,” he bites out. “Make the adult decision here, Hyeri. For once in your life stop making your choices based on everyone else around you!”
This feels so eerily like four years ago, when Minseok yelled at me to stop being immature. When he said that my crush was selfish. He apologized for doing it, but now it’s happening again. I guess he was never sorry after all. I close my eyes, because it’s the only way to stop myself from crying. I don’t need that right now.
I take deep breaths, relaxing my body one zone at a time until I am calm enough to look him in the eyes without breaking down.
“You’re right, this is a huge opportunity,” I say coldly. I feel so numb right now. “Maybe LA is the change I need to get away from all the baggage I have here.”
With my chin high, I turn to leave, trying to hold on to what little dignity I have left in front of him. My shoes refuse to slide on easily. The more I struggle with them, the more they refuse to fit. It ruins the facade of calm, but I don’t care anymore as I just flatten the heels, shuffling out quickly to escape back into the hallway. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t look at him right now.
When I enter my apartment, the door closes with a low beep. I turn and kick my shoes off, hitting the wall. Imagining that it’s Minseok’s body instead.
I hate him so much right now, and not because he was cruel. But because he was right.