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-August-Journal Entry 1:

Dear 20-year-old me,

Okay, so I'm still 20, but so what? More importantly, can you believe this shit? Therapy. Me. Who would have thought. Rex InSisTeD. The fucking whore.

Anyways, you were shot. Not surprised? Well, me either. This life is a roller coaster I can't seem to get off of. I'll let you know if we ever do.

Furthermore, our new therapist sHeRrIE, demanded I write shit down. I'm still not clear on what I'm supposed to write so bear with me. For the time being, I'll write to myself.

-Love Harlyn.

-September-Journal Entry 4:

Dear 3-year-old me,

Remember the first time momma slapped us across the face? Unfortunately, it’s a core memory for the two of us. Something that sits in the back of our mind until something pushes the memory to the surface and reminds us how unworthy we were. But guess what? We are worthy. And eventually we discover that there are bigger monsters to slay than that of a weak mad woman.

-Love Harlyn.

-October-Journal Entry 8:

Dear 5-year-old me,

You didn’t mess up the hit at the tiny blue house during that BBQ.. Momma is the one who didn’t have all of the information necessary for a clean break.

AND YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT.

I don't think anyone is old enough for that.

Even though it feels like you shoulder the weight of 1,000 rocks, You CANNOT give up!!!!! An angel is coming. Her name is Cami.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: You’ll bear her rocks too.

-November-Journal Entry 15:

Dear 9-year-old me,

Don't panic, pick up a book!!!!! When all fails, read it again. Still not working? I hereby give you my blessing to not feel guilty for a damn thing you have to steal for Cami’s benefit.

She can't hear. . . Unfortunate, but not the end of the world. In fact, it makes her special.

Teach her as if you won't wake up tomorrow.

One day you’ll have inside jokes that only the two of you are privy to. It's magical.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: Not all magic dies. . . But this one does. Cherish the ground her tiny toes step on as if she leaves gold in her wake.

-December-Journal Entry 22:

Dear 11-year-old me,

Mom doesn't love you and Cliff isn’t her fucking boyfriend. He's a predator destined for hell.

Smile because you'll send him there.

Be thankful it was you instead of Cami.

Prepare yourself. . . You haven't met the biggest monster of all yet.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: Nobody loves you? Bullshit, I DO!!!

-January-Journal Entry 30:

Dear 15-year-old me,

The big bad wolf huff’s puffs and blows your house down. But don't let him blow out your light. Not yet.

Precious moments are fleeting, and all angels run out of time.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: Love her like the sky is falling because it will.

-January-Journal Entry 34:

Dear 16-year-old me,

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

The boy who watches you from around corners and peeks when he thinks you aren’t looking is the one who saves your life.

I'm certain he’s in love with the idea of you. You are not broken for not reciprocating these affections. Love isn’t forced, and soon you’ll learn that.

-Love Harlyn.

-January-Journal Entry 37:

Dear 17-year-old me,

I'm so fucking sorry.

Dr. Sherie says we suffer from PTSD.

Fight- Flight- Or FREEZE.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: I still love you. . .

-January-Journal Entry 39:

Dear 18-year-old me,

Forgive yourself for leaving Blithe behind to get Anya to safety. You must remember above all: If you don't protect the children, who will?

-Love Harlyn.

PS: Rex finally has a lead. I’m practically kicking my feet and skipping. Cami wasn’t the only angel sent to save me.

I'm brINGING B HOME!!!!

-January-Journal Entry 40:

Dear 19-year-old me,

Dr. Sherie says someone can come into your life at the right moment but the wrong time? I know right. Senseless. Anyway, happiness is brief.

YOU KNOW THIS!!!

Don't be shocked when it tumbles.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: All you can is enough, and not everything is your fault.

February-Journal Entry 45:

Dear Cami,

Did you see me? I swear I saw you and it was the best few seconds of my entire existence. If I could go back I would. One minute I heard gunshots-one meant just for me-and the next I was cast into the nothingness where I swear on all that is holy, I saw an angel. Her name was Cami.

-Love Harlyn.

PS: Fuck I miss you so much. I'm coming for him. This time I won't freeze.

PPPSSS: I think I was destined to be surrounded by angels. His name is Pillar.